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Forum: Trying to Conceive Your First Child


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March 21st, 2011, 02:43 PM
HubbysSweetheart's Avatar Little Jo married Laurie!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Arisona
Posts: 656
All this is new to me since hubby and I just decided to start TTC, one thing I'm a little worried about is my mom. She can be emotional/bit of a drama queen.... when we were planning my wedding five years ago, at one point I wanted to look at her and ask, "who are you?... and what did you so with my Mother?"

So although I can't wait to get pregnant, I'm not looking forward to dealing with the invasion of privicy and the "I think you should..." that's bound to come with it.

I'm hoping for a quiet home birth with just my husband and a dula/midwife, who I'm planning on asking to give me space unless she's needed. Depending on what time the baby is born, we want a day to recover/be a family before the hords of visiters decend. (Hubby's family lives 4 hrs away while mine are only 1 hr away.)

I know this is NOT going to go over well, Mom will want to be there through the whole thing... in the room.

Anyone else plan on doing things diferently than their familys might like? What plans do you have for giving birth? How do you plan on handling things without hurting feelings?

I thought this might be a good topic for everyone to chip in on!

Last edited by HubbysSweetheart; March 21st, 2011 at 03:53 PM. Reason: Didn't like the title I gave
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March 22nd, 2011, 08:58 AM
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 153
I know that of course my DH will be with me but i want my mom in the room with me we can have 3 people that i know if it were to be anyone else i'd say one of my sisters (i have 2) either of them can be its up to them to decide. My DH doesn't talk to his mom there was a blow out and things aren't pretty on that side. so i dont want any drama. she lives a distance so i dont think that will be a problem.
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March 22nd, 2011, 09:17 AM
HubbysSweetheart's Avatar Little Jo married Laurie!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Arisona
Posts: 656
I think it's awesome that ladies can have support from the people they want... can you imagine the days where not even the father was allowed in the delivery room? Argh! I would not have been a happy patient!

If I don't feel well, I'm the person who doesn't like to be touched and just wants to be in a quiet room by myself..... I DO know I want hubby there, but I think for me to be relaxed and concentraited... that's gotta be it!

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March 22nd, 2011, 01:09 PM
CandaceDianne's Avatar Lilyan's Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 8,549
Dropping in from the grads....my mom is like that too. We eloped because I couldn't take her trying to control things in my wedding.
My mom was having some personal issues when I had Lilyan...first, she shows up after I told her we would call when we were ready for visitors (I was induced and it was a loooong process, not painful just tiring). Then she and my DH went at it...I mean full blown fight and cussing, when I was 8 freakin cm along. I was so torn up and I had to get them all out and sit each one of them down telling them how much I love the other and they aren't going to change that. Before that, one of her friends even showed up after we said just immediate family. This set my DH off and she and her friend ended up leaving. Then she wanted a pity party when my DH asked her that its just family. A few months later my mom and I discussed this and she did not regret anything...she thought I was in the wrong and that SHE needed family (since my dad is remarried and Dhs parents are still together). So she made it about her, when it wasn't!!!!
We have kept her at a distance and she has progressively gotten better. Even when we brought Lilyan home we didn't ask for help (DH was unemployed so he was a HUGE help). So she had taken off of work to help, but since we didnt need her she did things at her house and some errands for a few days and then went back to work (we work at the same place). Anyway, I hope this insight helps some. She has watched her a few times. But it took us months until we were fine with going out without her (even though my mom was pressuring us...which is VERY annoying).
You just need to remember that this is the one of few times you can be as selfish as you want....its about you and the baby!
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March 22nd, 2011, 02:34 PM
HubbysSweetheart's Avatar Little Jo married Laurie!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Arisona
Posts: 656
Wow! So sorry.... I'm glad my Mom isn't quite that bad. It will more be just a big tearful 'To Do' when I ask her to give us some space while I deliver and afterwards before coming over. I know she'll do it, but her crying and feeling all hurt is gonna make me feel guilty.... I Hate hurting someone's feelings.
But when we do get preg. I plan on sticking to my guns because I think that's what will be best for hubby, me, and the baby.... a happy Mom makes for a happy baby right?
Good for you standing for what you wanted, glad it's getting better too!

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March 27th, 2011, 01:22 PM
Shelley71's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 176
I'll be delivering in a hospital . My mom will expect to be in the room as well, but that's not happening. Only me and my SO. I feel it's a very private moment between a man and a woman, and for me personally, I only want to share it with the person who helped me create our baby. As soon as everything/everyone is cleaned up and ready, then I will let anyone and everyone come in the room.

Shelley (40)
With SO (34) almost 3 years
Started TTC #1 Jan. 2011
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March 28th, 2011, 04:29 PM
Mrs.Paradise's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Utah
Posts: 6,357
for me... I dont have a mom... my mother died when I was 7... so yeah... but I want my MIL in there with me... Im really close to her... and at this point in time I wouldnt mind if my sisters/sil wanted to be in there with me either... and of course my hubby will be in there!!! I want to have that support! because it will be our first... and I wouldnt know what was normal and what isnt... kwim?

as far as your mom goes... thats a tuff one... my sil's little sister is like a little sister to me too... and her MIL is a BEAST!!! she controlled the wedding... and then they found out that my sil's little sister was pregnant and wanted to control that too... they where all butt hurt that my sil's little sister wouldnt let any of them in while she was giving birth!! lol good luck with your mom!!
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March 29th, 2011, 09:24 AM
HubbysSweetheart's Avatar Little Jo married Laurie!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Arisona
Posts: 656
Thanks everyone for sharing their stories and imput! Talking about it and hearing about others plans and problems makes me feel better..... and I think a little time getting used to the idea of us actually TTC has settled me too.

thanks again and lots of

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birth plans, drama, family, mothers

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