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update and little rant

Forum: Trying to Conceive Your First Child


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  • 1 Post By remisue16
  • 1 Post By momology

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May 14th, 2013, 03:37 PM
Ariw's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Posts: 482
So Dh and I are doing ok given the circumstances. Im devastated but hanging in there and no we are just trying to get closure (which I'll explain in a minute) so we can move on and try again.

Here comes my rant...
So thursday when I started bleeding (alot) I called and got the next appt at my gyno office. I went in and my dr wasnt available so i had to see a cnm (i LOVE cnm's I think they are wonderful and plan on delivering in the midwifery center here..) so she did an exam and told me that the bleeding was coming from where the baby was and I was miscarrying and the pregnancy test they took was negative (she was totally the ..oh well try again sucks for you mentality ..as if she didnt just tell me my baby died)
..they gave me an ultra sound and the tech saw "nothing" in my uterus. or anywhere else. so heartbroken and bawling my DH and I leave ...

Then I get a call back from the nurse and she said that there was a faint positive on the pregnancy test and they want me to come back in to get my blood drawn for a hcg test.
so i go back in (with a glimmer of hope..how could I not right?)
Next day I get a call from the cnm and she said the number was 75 (which is extremely low for 6weeks along) and said that they are still fairly certain that I lost the baby but they couldnt tell me 100% until I get another test done to see if the levels rise or fall..so monday...
I go back in at get my blood drawn..cnm told me she would have the results for me in the afternoon....
Afternoon yesterday..nothing..
Called this morning..nothing but I should hear back soon....1pm called and nothing but they assured me someone would call the lab and see whats taking so long and call me right back..4pm I called again (obviously I would like to know whether I lost my child or not) still nothing again told she would call right back... 445 (they close at 5pm)
I called for the last time and while i was on the phone waiting for someone the CNM called me and started with a nasty tone of voice and said "well ims ure youve heard that the result was 86 (because i was claling so much)" ummm no i havent heard that please explain to me what that means...
"well you have indeed miscarried but since the number didnt go back down protocol says that we have to do another blood test to make sure that its not in your tubes..but im sure its not but we just have to do it"

heres the kicker....and reason for rant (besides the fact that it took 10x longer to get the results as it was supposed to)
she had the balls to say to me..after everything ive gone through the past couple days...
"you really should try and console yourself in some patience because sometimes it takes a day..day and a half for me to get the results so you calling isnt going to speed up the process"

ARE YOU ****** KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear I want to drive down there and do things I probably shouldnt mention on here..
But how in the WORLD are you going to first tell me "well we think your babys dead but we're not sure" and then get mad at me for calling and checking on results because they have taken WAY longer than YOU told me they would.
Are you serious! Not even mentioning that she was SO cold and rude and condescending about the whole thing..as if im some stupid teenager that got herself knocked up and is now paying for her nights of partying...Excuse me Im a 22yr old woman, Im married and have been for a year, I own my own house and car, I work and pay my bills, this pregnancy was PLANNED and WELL planned for and we are financially, emotionally, and physically sound to bring a child into this world and you are going to treat me like dirt after you told me that the baby I had spent all this time praying and planning for has died inside of me!

Heartless (I think you know the word id like to use) !!!!

UGH SO MAD! obviously..
sorry for the long rant but It is so upsetting how cruel people can be.
Who does that!!

-end rant
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May 14th, 2013, 03:46 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 698
That is very annoying! If the tests could take longer, they should have said that in the beginning or on any of the later calls you made! To then condescend to you after the fact is just inexcusable. This is such an emotional time and they should keep that in mind when treating patients! Anyways, hugs to you!
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May 14th, 2013, 03:47 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,452
oh my goodness I am so sorry!! That is so terrible I can not believe she would say that to you!!! Some people really just have absolutely no idea what it is like to lose a baby. I am certain if this was something she had experienced she would NEVER have said something like that to you.

And don't be sorry!! I would be angry too. Rant and vent away any time on here. I am so sorry for what you have been through. Has your doctor discussed your next steps yet?
ArmyWife28 likes this.

Cautiously expecting Seamonkey #2 Due Oct 4th

Missing our angels:
Molar pregnancy loss (12 weeks) - 1/2013
Missed Miscarriage (10 weeks) - 6/2013
Early Miscarriage (5 weeks) - 12/2016

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May 14th, 2013, 03:53 PM
ArmyWife28's Avatar Praying for a Miracle
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 805
Wow I'm so sorry, you have ever right to be upset with that clinic, I wouldn't even want to go back there, that is no way to treat a patient EVER!
Me: 29, Ovary Dysfunction DH: 31, No Issues
Married the love of my life on 9/15/12
Stepmom to Christopher 12y/o
FurMommy to Bowie, Abby, Macy, & Leroy

4 Rounds of Clomid & 2 Rounds of Femara with NO Luck
6/5/13 1st cycle of Follistim 600AQ CD3- CD11
6/14/13 Ovidrel Trigger Shot CD12
7/1/13 27mm Cyst on R Ovary, Cancelled cycle
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May 14th, 2013, 04:36 PM
Cait&AngelAbove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 10,635
I am so sorry that you had to go through that!!! I would find some way to file a complaint. They shouldn't treat women that way especially those miscarrying.

Thank you so much Bokkechick for the perfect siggie!!!
12-10-10 2-6-12
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May 14th, 2013, 06:27 PM
Super Mommy to be
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,146
wow that was cold and condescending....I'd be ranting too..hugs to you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
'Blessings' by Laura Story (What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise)
Glorious Ruins
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May 14th, 2013, 06:41 PM
epsilonbeta's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: California
Posts: 881
That's horrible! Some people are so cruel Sorry you're having to go through this!
Mommy to DS (2.5) and Adopted DS (19). PCOS success story.
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May 14th, 2013, 08:45 PM
lea23's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 623
I'm sorry you had to experience that.I hope your future visits are with better providers.
Working on #2

*** We have a precious little girl ***
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May 14th, 2013, 08:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,325
Wow, you are much stronger than me! You have every right to be outraged and you should be using your anger and energy to write a very lengthy and well thought out letter demanding disciplinary action. That woman should be treating you courteously and compassionately. I can't stand that you were treated this way and that she probably treats many other people this way!

(((Hugs))) to you. They should not be allowed to treat you this way and I'm so sorry that on top of everything else, you had to deal with this woman.
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May 14th, 2013, 10:11 PM
Julie321's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 748

I would definitely file a complaint if I were you.

Or, I don't know. Maybe I'd write her a long letter (When I get angry, I tend not to get out everything I want to verbally) and tell her how frustrated you are with the way you were treated, and although she deals with miscarriages all the time, it actually happened to you and you are horribly upset.

Of course when someone gives you a glimmer of hope you are going to call back a million times.

I think people in the medical field are just so cold to human grief. They see death/loss/sickness all the time and they have to be turned off in order to do their job. That doesn't mean they have any right to treat you the way she did though!

When I had my chemical, I waited FOUR hours for my blood results that when I was given my print-out, showed was printed 20 minutes after I got there.

I had to wait for a "Casualty officer" to break the news to me. He did it by telling me I was never pregnant. My HCG was 8. I had my period.

OBVIOUSLY to get a +++ pregnancy test, my HCG had to have been much higher than that, just dropped because I was miscarrying. Hearing them say insensitive things like that, and speaking to you like you're an idiot, is SO frustrating when you're dealing with such an emotional loss.

Sorry, I'm ranting now.

I'm so sorry you were treated like that. Definitely talk to someone at the office, or talking to HER after you've had a few days to cool down might make you feel better. I like putting people in their place
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May 15th, 2013, 07:05 AM
Ariw's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Posts: 482
Thanks for the support girls
she was definitely out of line
But I'm trying to regain my composure and realize that yelling at her isn't going to change anything and will probably just make her more cold (as she would be assuming I'm just taking out my anger on her blah blah blah)
I actually feel sorry for her, that she is so cold hearted and has no compassion for others. Sad human being if you ask me.
When I left the office the first day after finding out the news, we handed our checkout slip to the lady who checks you out and she saw the tears in my eyes and glanced at my paper...she dropped everything, got up, walked out of their little room and gave me a long much needed hug and a tissue...I thought, wow, this lady has no clue who I am but she is such a wonderful person..she even had tears in HER eyes. I hope I am that compassionate when I meet a stranger going through pain

I trust god has a reason for everything and somehow he will be glorified through this loss and heartache.
Just got to get through the pain
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May 15th, 2013, 09:41 AM
girlsofsummer's Avatar Us two became we three <3
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Pittsburgh (Go Steelers!)
Posts: 1,191
Agree w/ Anna, you have WAY more patience and self control than I. I would have lost it on the phone with her, then demanded to speak to her supervisor, then wrote a letter about her behavior, THEN reported her further up the chain.

There is absolutely no excuse for outright rude behavior and lack of professionalism.

With the story of the check out lady --- when things like that happen to me, I think it's God's way of showing that there ARE redeeming qualities in people, and for every one nasty, mean human being, there are 10 more people who are kind and loving and full of light.

I hope you are doing whatever it is you need to do -- relaxing, crying, talking with family/friends.
Mirielle Margaret born 4/24
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May 15th, 2013, 11:43 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North Texas
Posts: 175
So sorry to hear you went through this. Whether you are 6 weeks along or 20 weeks along, a loss is a loss. I left my primary care doctor because of her nurse and office staff. I wrote her a letter that explained that although her care was great, her office staff and nurse drastically mishandled a medical emergency of mine and I could no longer rely on her office for medical care. I come from a family of nurses and bedside manner is never something they have lacked. I will never remain with a doctor's office who make me feel like I am a means to an end for their paycheck.

Although you have calmed now, I think it would be a great time to write a letter to the doctor informing them of the behavior, and even commend the check out lady as well. Doctors need this information about their staff. And if this woman treated you this way, I am sure she has and will continue treating others this way. You may be strong enough to move on, but what if another woman is not?

One thing that an employer said to me right after my first miscarraige was "it's all a part of God's plan." Even something that seems like it should be comforting like that, to me, was unnecessary to say that soon after a loss. At that point, I didn't want to hear it.

Again, very sorry for what you are going through.

Lucas Xavier is here! Born 4/24/2014 at 10:47pm
7 pounds 6 ounces
20.5 inches long

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May 15th, 2013, 06:52 PM
butterfly721's Avatar Mommy-to-be to a baby boy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 3,576
I'm really sorry.
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