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When to try again after a loss?

Forum: Trying to Conceive Your First Child


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  • 1 Post By Ariw

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September 25th, 2013, 12:23 PM
hopelessly wishing's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: California
Posts: 494
I'm soo stuck right now.
As you all know I just had a m/c a week ago, and yes I do want to wait a couple months before I try again. My dh mentioned to me he wanted to try again right away, (but honestly I think he just wanted to do the deed since it had been 5 weeks) and I don't blame him. Lol
But I have people at my work telling me "don't be dumb, wait at least 6 months before you try again!"
And telling me to take birth control to raise my progesterone levels.
But I don't want to wait that long. I think I want to try again in January but then if it happens I dont want to deal with the criticism at work if I have another miscarriage.
I just feel so stuck right now and don't know what to do..

I thought about birth control if it can possible raise my progesterone levels, but then I'm scared that it will take longer when I get off to get pg or that it's going to completely mess me up and stop my ovulating all together.

P.s the people telling me this have kids and are done having kids already
"An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. And whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."
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September 25th, 2013, 01:43 PM
KellJoO's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 4,116
Take some time and think about it. I am sorry for your loss ((HUGS)). Did your doctor say it is safe to start trying again right away? Maybe you guys could just take a more natural approach to it NTNP? and see what happens.

I went back on the pill after our loss, and I really wish I hadnt. It took me a couple cycles to get sorted out- and honestly they're still kind of wonky. When we originally went off BC, it took a good 3 months for things to get sorted out, and at least 2 this time around. So, keep that in mind. Every person is different.......but I would hate to see you discouraged with it when you do decide to try again.

Its not a decision that has to be made overnight......take some time to think.

Best of luck to you, girl. Big hugs.
Mommy to

Brooks Kinlee Barnes
6 lbs 13 oz 18.25"
Two in Heaven
2/7/2013 (6w4d)
5/22/2015 (4w3d)

Expecting a Baby BOY early January 2017!
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September 25th, 2013, 02:37 PM
butterfly721's Avatar Mommy-to-be to a baby boy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 3,576
Definitely take some time to think about it, and talk to your doctor and your DH. You and your DH should decide what's right for you, not your co-workers.

I know that they mean well with their advice, but when it comes to a miscarriage, everyone's body is different, and you shouldn't wait / not wait based on their opinions.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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September 25th, 2013, 03:00 PM
Mbwebb11212's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Tewksbury, MA
Posts: 355
I have to agree with the other girls and tell you to think about this. No one can make the decision for you. This could have just been an isolated incident, it doesn't mean that it will happen again. Talk to DH and let him know what you're thinking. I'm sure he will understand if you want to wait a few months. When you get pregnant again, this time around don't tell your co-workers that you're pregnant until you've at least had your first ultrasound. You're less likely to have a miscarriage after that point.

Do whatever is in your heart and what you feel comfortable with. I'm truly sorry you had to go through this. We're all here for you.

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September 25th, 2013, 03:43 PM
Ariw's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Posts: 482
First- I am so sorry
Second- I'm so sorry your coworkers Dont mind their own business
I have soooooo many people who know about my loss that give me the whole "you're so young, it will happen when it's meant to be" blah blah blah. I hate it!
With that being said it is such a personal choice.. YOU (and dh) are the ones who have to be ready emotionally. No one else is going through this but you two so as hard as it is try not to worry about what anyone else says. Everyone has their own opinion and find it necessary to give it to people...but at the end of the day it is your life and your choice so only you two can make the right decision for you.
Sending love and an open invitation to talk or vent from someone who's gone through a loss recently.
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September 25th, 2013, 04:53 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
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The pill isn't going to raise your progesterone levels, it's just going to set you back and you'll have to start again from scratch.

only you will know when you are ready to try again. We might wait a cycle, or we might not...a later loss with a heartbeat or high beta.. we'd wait at least 1 cycle.. And by a cycle I mean until I've had 1 AF after the loss AF/surgery.
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
Baby Girl Due August 7th 2017!!

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September 25th, 2013, 05:15 PM
hopelessly wishing's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: California
Posts: 494
Thanks ladies.
I definitely want to lose at least 20 pounds before I try again. I guess it's just so hard because I've wanted a baby for soo long now and to think of waiting is kind of starting to scare me. I don't know why. I guess the closer to 30 I get the more I over think that it's never going to happen.
I know in my heart that I want to lose more weight and get my body better so January it is. I will not do all the things I have to to get pg. by January I'm just going to let things happen.
The thing about my co-workers though is, the people will know I'm pg cause there's going to be some things I will not be able to do.
"An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. And whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."
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September 28th, 2013, 01:30 PM
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 300
Then tell them that your doctor said it's ok for you to start trying again. As for pills- if you want something to help your hormones, ask your dr about it, & get actual fertility pills/shots, not birth control pills- they stop you from ovulating, and will probably mess up your cycle after you go off so you'll waste time for ttc after going off the bc pill. Why dont you relax & try NTNP, just make love & enjoy your hubby for a few months? That will give your body some time, and strengthen your bond, reduce your mental stress, and still give you a good shot at conception. (I dont know your backstory/fertility issues, but you arent 30 yet, so maybe a few months of NTNP would be a good "vacation" while still allowing you to ttc- just my 2 cents!)
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September 28th, 2013, 04:29 PM
hopelessly wishing's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: California
Posts: 494
Thanks blaundee
Me and the dh have already started the NTNP journey.. Before I was such a grouch and only made love during my fertile days, but now it's just random moments my cycle is still not on track yet so I know nothing will happen. So we are just enjoying each other right now. And I'm not on his back like an angry witch when I need his baby juice to get pg. lol
"An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. And whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."
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September 30th, 2013, 12:21 AM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 15
I am very sorry for your loss...

Listen to other but do whatever you feel like, don't just get into things only coz others saying anything. Take some rest, your body needs to get the energy and strength to be ready for pregnancy again.
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September 30th, 2013, 12:30 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,452
I totally agree with all the other ladies you just have to make the decision that is the best for you. Although I have to admit the statement: "don't be dumb, wait at least 6 months before you try again!" made me a little angry. Unless they are your doctor or know your specific situation they cant really make a statement like that. Physically you will likely be healed before 6 months although emotionally only you can tell when you are ready. Take all the time you need and make decisions based on what you and DH think not other people. I hope you and your DH enjoy your NTNP journey!

Cautiously expecting Seamonkey #2 Due Oct 4th

Missing our angels:
Molar pregnancy loss (12 weeks) - 1/2013
Missed Miscarriage (10 weeks) - 6/2013
Early Miscarriage (5 weeks) - 12/2016

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