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Trying to concieve

Forum: Trying to Conceive Your First Child


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May 11th, 2005, 11:13 PM
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3
Well I am 18 years old and my boyfriend is 20... We have been together for a while... I am not sure if having a baby is the right thing to do but he is my fiance... His father is dying nd he has a year to live nd his dying wish is to have a grandbaby before he dies... I am kinda for it since we have been trying for a little while.... i feel i am financially stable..... as well as physically and emotionally stable....So what do I do?
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May 12th, 2005, 07:41 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 6,149
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That's a tough question! I would say, if you feel ready and have the support you will eventually need from members of both of your families....go for it!!

But it is a HUGE decision, and you want to make sure that you are well settled into the relationship. As ttc and having a baby will add a new dynamic to it.

Whatever you decide, good luck! And I'm sorry about the situation with SO's father.

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May 12th, 2005, 09:51 AM
ericalaurel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 1,772
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Hi there!

I can only imagine what a tough time you and your boyfriend must be going through, and I am so sorry that your BF's father is so ill...I would imagine you are becoming quite attached to his family if you both have been together for awhile.

In regard to your question of TTC, I think that the fact that you are questioning this decision is a pretty strong indicator that you may not be as ready for the journey of having a child as you want to be. The last thing in the world I want to be is preachy-I hate listening to my own friends when they get that way, so please know that is not my intent-but I know that when my grandfather died I wanted more than anything to marry my then-boyfriend because I was falling apart with grief and wanted to do something happy to make the pain stop. If I had, boy would I have been in trouble now! It is very easy for your rational mind to get skewed when a family crisis occurs. However, this shouldn't be your primary reason for having a child.

You and your BF need to know in your heart, more than anything, that you want to bring another life into this world. I am sure you and your BF would make great parents, but you are both SO young-you still have so many wonderful things to experience together! Having a child means an INCREDIBLE amount of responsibility-not that you couldn't handle it, but you and your BF need to be able to experience all that life has to offer, and that may present a greater challenge with a child. I say this primarily because I used to teach some young women about the same age as yourself who had recently become pregnant, and on more than one occasion they told me they were afraid they wouldn't get to live life the way they had planned because they had gotten pregnant so early.

However, if you believe in your heart that this should happen now, then trust your own instincts. Only you will know when the time is right. I wish you all the best, and if you choose to TTC, I hope you will stay in contact with the board here...these ladies are GREAT and have given me much hope and support-and I've only been here a couple of weeks!!

Take care

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May 12th, 2005, 10:00 AM
Beccaboo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Prince Edward Island, Canada
Posts: 1,321
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Hey, welcome to JM. I am one of the co-hosts for this board and I just wanted to welcome you!

Also the best advice anyone can give you is do what you think is best and what you are ready for! I know it must be a tough time for you and your SO right now but it's something you should both sit down and talk about.. ask yourselves would you beable to emotionally handle a newborn with such an ill family member...

Also know however that if his father passes after you have your baby it will help with the healing process...

Whatever you choose to do keep us posted and know that you can come and talk to us whenever you want..

If it makes you feel any better I am only 20 and my SO is only 20 and I am pregnant with #1..

Feel free to pm me if you want or e-mail me.. [email protected]


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May 12th, 2005, 05:53 PM
~*kath*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,963
First off, welcome to JM!
If you really want to I say go for it, just make sure you aren't doing it entirely for someone else. It sounds to me like you're ready, I'm just worried about you questioning it, because that makes you seem like you're not ready, know what I mean? Anyways I hope you stick around with us and you come to the right decision!

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May 12th, 2005, 07:18 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 791
I am also of the opinion that if you have to question it then you may not be ready. I would never have a baby just because someone else would want me to. They will not be the ones raising the child. However, if you really want to have a baby now then go for it. Good Luck with whatever you decide.
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May 13th, 2005, 01:04 PM
DreamChaser's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 8,269
Deciding to try to have a baby is something only you and your S/O can make. There will always be doubts and a feeling of not being ready, but you need to weigh the pros and cons of having them now verses later.
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May 13th, 2005, 02:00 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Virginia
Posts: 643
I think Erica stated it beautifully. My husband and I were together at a young age and waited over a decade to even think about having a child. Having a child is a huge responsibility - they are as cute as they can be, but they are expensive and they are solely dependent on your SO and you to meet their needs.

The most important thing is to have a child when you are both ready. I realize you probably both are dealing with a great amount of stress contributed to the family illness, but don't let that be your reason on conceiving a child.

You are both young, finish college or begin your careers, take trips, buy a home, and just enjoy each other. When you are both ready you will know it and it will only make your bond stronger and provide a loving and secure environment for your child(ren).

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