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Upset yesterday

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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May 25th, 2008, 11:05 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,632
Hi girls, I know I haven't been posting much lately and I am sorry.

Yesterday I went to a graduation party and while we were there my FIL told some of the family that I am expecting and then he went on to say that this will be his first grandchild. It upset me so much. I thought I would burst into tears that he didn't acknowledge Abby as his first grandbaby. Just because she isn't here doesn't mean that she wasn't the first. I know that he hasn't forgot my little girl, and I am sure he just meant that this will be his first living grandbaby. He is a man, and I am sure it is much easier to just not mention our loss, but still. I always feel like I am overlooking what others say or do. Ignorance is no excuse!!

Then later on during the party I look off to see my dh playing with a little one and I thought how if Abby was here she would already be 13 months old, and if she would have been full term she would be 10 months and we would be getting ready for her first birthday. The little one that he was playing with, was about the age she would be now if she was still here. I didn't realize it would break my heart this much still to go to these family gatherings and especially when I see dh playing with those kids when he should have Abby to play with. I keep wondering if it will ever get better. I miss my little girl so much. I love this baby that is growing inside of me, but this is a different baby. I should have Abby here too!

Thanks for listening. Sorry for the vent. Its been a hard weekend so far.
Thank you Mistyx5 for my siggy.

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May 25th, 2008, 11:31 AM
dee68's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Illinois ( originally From New Jersey:)
Posts: 13,040
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Of course you are feeling the way you are...and for good reason. we know you LOVE this new baby....but Abby was your first...and that love you have for her will never disappear...you will carry her in your heart forever.

it always amazes me wen we think we are getting "better"....something just knocks us for a loop and the flood of emotions is overwhelming again....but it is normal. Abby will always be with you....and is looking out for the new life growning inside of you.


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May 25th, 2008, 03:10 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,926
Oh Rhonda, I am so sorry. Big HUGS!!

Angels in Heavan.
Helena May, June 28, 2007 & Alexander Michael, October 11, 2007
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May 25th, 2008, 05:40 PM
angelmomjen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 1,648
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Im sorry that your FIL said that..I really dont think that people realize that we want our angels remembered, and that you still had Abby whether or not you got to keep her here, she was and is and will always be the first child to steal your heart, and to grow in your womb. I truely dont belive these people are intentionally being insensitve but that they cant understand.
Hugs for you, Abby and this new lil miracle!
Thanks Nami for my beautiful siggy!
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May 25th, 2008, 06:28 PM
Sabina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,657
Rhonda I am so sorry your FIL said that. It must have hurt a lot. Even when you are pg it is SO hard to stop missing your babies. I can remember countless times while pg that I cried and cried for my two lost babies. Just because you are pg doesn't mean you can't hurt for Abby. I really hope the rest of your weekend goes better.
Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy
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May 26th, 2008, 10:00 AM
jademyst13's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5,129
I'm sorry you had such a rough day hun
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May 26th, 2008, 10:28 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: California
Posts: 7,567
I am soooo sorry it was such a hard time. THat must have been soooo hard to hear your FIL say that I am sure he thought of Abby when he said what he said, but didnt want to mention the heartache at the time. ((HUGS)) Its so hard when they are not mentioned. we want them remembered and mentioned always.

I thought when I got prego again it would make things easier, but i still miss Liam terribly, and still cry for him, especially when I am in the car for some reason. ((HUGS)) we are all here for you, its so hard!!
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