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Is it wrong...

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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September 19th, 2008, 11:32 AM
..Jessica..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 11,084
Okay, first of all, I know I'm not pregnant but I don't want to post this on the TTCAL board.

Is it wrong that when I go lurk in the new DDC's that I don't read the topics of the ladies that are unfortunately miscarrying? I mean, I know their pain, I know exactly what they're going through, I just can bring myself to read their story!

I don't think I'll even join a DDC for like the first 2-4 months of the pregnancy because I don't want to read about the ladies who are losing their babies.

Why do I feel like this?

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September 19th, 2008, 11:45 AM
NeeshBoogie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 586
I don't think it's wrong at all. While you may want to be supportive, reading about their pain might remind you a lot of your own, and we don't really want to revisit that any more than we already do, KWIM? At least, that's the way I feel about it.

Thank you Mod-MommaTrish for my gorgeous siggy!!!

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September 19th, 2008, 11:49 AM
..Jessica..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 11,084
While it's not only that. I'll already have it in the back of my mind that it could potentially happen again and reading about it, might just trigger emotions I don't want going on. I'll already be a basketcase of emotion because of being pregnant, I just don't want to seem unsupportive of their loss. Oh man, this is going to be difficult when I get pregnant again.

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September 19th, 2008, 11:53 AM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bremerton, Wa
Posts: 4,400
Jess sweety, i dont think it is wrong at all. I think everyone handles it differently. I know when i was pg id go into those posts because id try to give them some hope that life does go on after losing a baby. I think it was because I didnt have that when I had my first loss, and i really felt so lost after that. I didnt know where to go espically since I was brand new in JM. So i go to help them find the PL and TTCAL boards, and just offer my ear or shoulder to cry on.

I think like i said, you not going into them is your way of handling it. it is not wrong at all.

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September 19th, 2008, 11:56 AM
princesskate's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: huddersfield, west yorkshire
Posts: 22,139
I was just thinking something similar myself....alot of ladies in the May DDC are sadly losing their beans Although I want to be supportive, I am finding it terribly hard seeing the posts ect

My first weight loss goal is to lose 21lbs, which is 10% of my body weight
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September 19th, 2008, 12:04 PM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
That's one of the reason why I never joined the Feb DDC, and honestly I don't think I will.


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September 19th, 2008, 12:05 PM
jademyst13's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5,129
I had a really hard time when I first joined my current DDC. At first I would kinda skip over them, then I would just go in not really read it and just reply that I was sorry for their loss. Then like Eleysia I started letting them know about the pregnancy loss board so they could find more support.

So you certainly aren't wrong or bad for feeling that way. It is so hard watching so many people go through what we have been through. It can bring back so many memories and fears we are already battling.

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September 19th, 2008, 12:16 PM
Posts: n/a
Jessica, I had the same problem. I felt like I just didn't really want to know because I was already scared to death of losing my baby. I feel horrible for not replying to all of them but did eventually, I didn't really get involved at the beginning so missed a lot of it anyway. One girl came on at the beginning and wasn't happy aobut being pregnant with 3 little ones at home already, she had an abortion and of course never came back. I was so upset, I know it was her decsion but didnt make it easier. I didn't fit in there anyway as I just couldn't relax.

Don't feel bad, in the end all you want is your baby and a healthy pregnancy. We already know what can happen and it's hard to hear the bad stuff. You'll find ways to get through each day and you will make it hun
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September 19th, 2008, 12:42 PM
Wee3monkeys's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 3,352
I don't think you should feel bad about that, Jess. Like all the other ladies have said, being pregnant after a loss is a trying time. I was scared to read those posts at first too, that it would upset me too much. Honestly, I still don't like to read them, but now I am able to at least offer my support. When you feel more comfortable, you'll be able to do the same.

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September 19th, 2008, 02:27 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,926
Yep, me too. I didn't join my DDC until I was almost in my 2nd trimester, 12 weeks I think is when I joined. I was afraid for a couple reasons, and just decided to hang out at PAL for my 1st trimester. I knew people would miscarry, and I just didn't want to put myself in a position where I would worry MORE than I already would be worrying naturally. I hope that makes sense, but I think a lot of people are the same way. It's tough, and you certainly can't say to yourself, "oh that will never happen to me" bc after a loss, it is your worst fear.

Angels in Heavan.
Helena May, June 28, 2007 & Alexander Michael, October 11, 2007
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