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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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January 2nd, 2006, 09:57 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 935
Yesterday I was listening to "Held" again because I was talking about the song with my aunt who's good friends with the lady in town who's daughter was killed when she got hit by a truck last spring. But that's a different story...

Anyway, listening to the song sparked new emotions in me, and they hurt. First off, I'll be passing my second 1 yr. m/c date in early Feb. for my second angel...ironic that it's my DD month. But that's not what hurts...with this baby coming so close, I feel like I'm reliving the miscarriage pain. It breaks my heart. Suddenly it hit me that the short time I had with those babies is ALL I got (aside from being with them in heaven). I'm realizing what I DIDN'T have with those 2 precious babies that I lost. I'll be holding this one in a few weeks (well, more, but you get the idea), and I never got to hold my angels. I'm feeling this precious baby move, and I never had that with my others.

I love this baby so much and I'm SO thankful that God has blessed us with him/her after all that. I am so excited to hold my child and show him/her how in love I am. But it really caught me off guard how I could feel that way...feel so lost about my first 2 babies after I've done so well for so long...
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Waiting for #2!
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January 3rd, 2006, 06:24 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Andrews AFB, MD
Posts: 15,496
*hugs* Things did get better for me after I had Beth and was able to hold and love her. Sometimes Ido still wonder what would have happened if I had never m/c,..I think about how old our kids would be..if we would have more than one..things like that. In the end though I just have to tell myself God gave us the baby we were meant to have
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January 3rd, 2006, 09:23 PM
Posts: n/a
I know how you feel in a way. I lost my 3rd child so I know exactly what I missed out on by losing her. My hardest grief was that I wouldn't get to hold her and feed her and love her like I did with my other two.
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January 6th, 2006, 06:39 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
I am so sorry you feel so sad right now...i think that's normal though...what more could intensify your love for your other angels if not a new one? Knowing what you did miss...It all makes sens to me.
I am not in your position as of yet (God willing) but I can empathize with your hurt. I have had 3 babies lost and am now pg w/my 4th...very early though. i am scared out of my mind! The only thing I can think to suggest is to let yoruself feel it...you are still allowed to grieve your lsot babies...grief has no timeline. Especially when it comes to the loss of angels...
Take care and I wish you all the best.
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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