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January 3rd, 2006, 09:10 AM
lizzy27's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 27,575
Hi everyone,

I've been posting in July DDC, and I've been lurking over here. I think I really need you all! Here's a tiny bit about me: DH and I tried to conceive for 3 years, and then Fall of 2004 conceived our first using Clomid. We m/c that baby at 6w. We named him/her Hope, because he/she gave us so much hope for children after trying for so long! We waited a few months, and in January of 2005 we conceived a baby girl using Clomid. She was stillborn at 30 weeks. We actually found out at 20 weeks during our diagnostic u/s that she had anencephaly and would probably be stillborn or die shortly after birth. (Anencephaly happens when the mom can't absorb folic acid properly). We named her Grace Therese. We had decided to take some time and grieve for her, let my body heal, start taking super high doses of folic acid, and get as healthy as I could emotionally and physically and try again just after Christmas. But God again had other plans for us. We conceived naturally two and a half months after Gracie passed away and we are now due in July. This was another little miracle for us, because we didn't think it would ever be possible to conceive without fertility drugs.

This is getting long, so I'll just say that lately I've been feeling really down. So far this pregnancy is going super well. We are well past my previous m/c mark and there doesn't appear to be any signs of anencephaly with this little one. But because we've been hoping for a child for so long, there's a part of me that doesn't quite believe we will ever bring a little one home. I felt so sad over the holidays, missing my Gracie and wishing she were there to introduce to everyone at Christmas. I felt very empty, even though I have a new baby growing inside me.

So I'm hoping that reading your stories, and sharing with people who have experienced losses can help me get through this funk that I'm in.

Thanks for listening. I'm so sorry for your losses.

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January 3rd, 2006, 09:32 AM
Ethans_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Arizona!
Posts: 2,717
Wow, you certainly have been through a lot! You must be a really strong woman! I had a mc in April last year and I am scared to death to be pg again, I cant imagine what you must be feeling, but I am hoping for the best for your family. Take it easy and i look forward to getting to know you better!
<div align="center">Stephanie aka "Queen of the Universe" Mommy to Ethan and Leah

<div align='center'> </div>
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January 3rd, 2006, 09:52 AM
Blessings B's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,422
Welcome, Goodness you surely have had your share of pain. This is a good safe place to be. Look forward to getting to know you. B
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January 3rd, 2006, 12:24 PM
Posts: n/a
I'm so sorry for your losses. I lost a baby girl in August at 20 weeks. It was very hard. I can not seem to relax and enjoy this pregnancy either. I'm too worried. We only had a 1% of losing a perfectly healthy baby after the 1st trimester and yet we did. I'm afarid if it happened once it can happen again.

Hopefully we will all go on to have healthy pregnancies and have babies to show for it too.
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January 4th, 2006, 09:16 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,287
Hi! I'm in your DDC and I spend a lot of my time here. It's very disheartening after a loss to hear about other losses when you are hoping and praying for your own miracle. I'm glad you found us here, this board has helped to keep me sane many times.

"Nothing in this world worth having is easy"
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January 6th, 2006, 06:34 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Hi there...I am so sorry to hear of your losses. i can certainly relate to feelign nervous. i am very newly pg and very scared something will go wrong. I remember when i got pg with my first baby I was convinced God had blessed us with a miracle because prior to this my b/f was told he couldn't have children (sterile due to chemotherapy tx). I lost that baby (whom we named "Hope" also for the exact same reason you did) and went onto conceive twins the very next month. this time I was convinced God was giving me back the baby I lost along with a new joy....I lost both those babies as well...I was so wrong.
My dr.' found I had a uterine septum that was causing my m/c's...i had surgery for this in Sept. I am now pg again...
I have learned that I can not truely "know" God's plan for me or this new baby...I want to beleive that my last babies purpose was to bring awareness to me about my condition so that their siblings might have a chance at life but I don't know. Right now my b/f is facing possible cancer again...his dr is being very illusive about test results...he feels horrible and is convinced he doesn't have much longer with us here...I'm scared that God let us conveive this time so that he may pass on...I'm scared that this pg is just more false hope...i am scared of having to feel the pain of loss again...whether it be this baby or my b/f. I am just plain scared!
Sorry i think i just hijacked your pos! Ok back to the topic at hand. I just wanted to let you know I can relate to a lot of what you said about "miracles", "nerves", and the extreme desire for this baby to please stick...
Know you are not alone...i hold your hand cyberly as we continue down this journey together.
take care.
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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January 7th, 2006, 07:29 PM
niema's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: IN
Posts: 11,221
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Congradulations on your pregnancy. My name is Niema and although I am only 19 I feel a great need to have another child. I have a 4 year old daughter and I thank god everyday for that blessing. My problems started about a year after I gave birth to my first child I found out that I was pregnant and I was sooo happy I went for a ultrasound at 5 months and they told me that the baby was healthy, but when I went for my second ultrasound at about 7 months they told me my baby had a hole in his heart and that it was nothing to worry about, they referred me to a diffrent doctor and he told me my baby had an enlarged heart and so they referred me to a specialist at the university of illinois and they found something else wrong but they didnt understand the diagnosis because they had never seen anything like it before. I gave birth to a 7lb 14 ounce baby boy on june 14,2003 at methodist hospital in gary indiana, but shortly after that they transferred him to christ hospital in chicago illinois because they couldnt do anything to help him. after two days in the ICU at christ they sent him to childrens memorial because that was the only hospital that could deal with such a medical condition. He was there for about a month and a half they kept telling us diffrent things but no one could give us a clear explanation. He had 1 heart surgery and 2 other surgeries to remove fluid filled cyst out of his chest in less than 3 weeks. My sweet little angel went to heaven on august 30 after we decided to take him off of the breathing machine because he was suffering and I did not want my angel to suffer. The doctors told us that was the best decision and they said that because of the fluid filled cyst that were growing everywhere in his body that his heart and lungs did not have enough room to form and his blood was not getting enough oxygen and it made the rest of his organs fail. I was so devastated I decided not to try again for a while. march of 2005 I found out that I was pregnant again and may 31st I miscarried . I was upset and mad at myself because I thought that I was not capable of having anymore children or healthy ones. Now Im 17 weeks and my baby is due june 17 2006 I am sort of hoping that my baby will be born june 14 the same day my son was born it will be like I have a second chance to see how my son would have grown. My pregnancy so far has been great except for the fact that I worry everyday that I will miscarry, I believe I wont stop worrying until Im 20 wks. Even after that I still worry about having a abnormal ultrasound at 7 months . So far I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and was diagnosed with having a threatened miscarriage and when I went for my second ultrasound at 15 wks they said that the baby was developing good and was healthy. The two major things Ill worry about after 20wks is an abnormal ultrasound or having a stillborn, But besides all of that I am very excited about my pregnancy. Ive gotten soooo much stuff Im sure baby wont need anything until hes/shes 1 years old . I glad they have sites like this because I really need it too. Im so happy I can communicate with people who have things in common with me. I look forward to talking with you. I wish you the very best on your pregnancy and stay strong. . Sorry I wrote so much I couldnt stop typing.
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January 8th, 2006, 06:47 AM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,923
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your angels.

Welcome to the board and I wish your remaining pregnancy (and everyone else here) to be happy and healthy from beginning to end!
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January 8th, 2006, 08:56 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Welcome Neima...please keep us updated...Lizzy you too! I'm hoping we can build a strong network here as it seems many of us are experiencing similar feelings....
I wish you all (including myself the best during this pg!!!
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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January 9th, 2006, 12:54 PM
Posts: n/a
Hey Lizzy27!

I'm in your DDC too. Welcome aboard here too
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