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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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November 22nd, 2008, 08:19 AM
Madison.Hailey.Zack's Avatar Mom of 2 Girls and a Boy!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 11,069
I have a situation. Our babysitter for tonight had to cancell because she got sick and so DH wants to have his mom watch Madison. I'm fine with that but he wants to leave her there overnight and I'm not ready for that yet. Yeah the sleep would be nice but I love knowing she is sleeping in the bassinet right next to me. Am I over reacting and should just let her go to grandma's for the night or is what I'm feeling normal. This will be the first time we've left her with a sitter.

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November 22nd, 2008, 08:27 AM
*Judy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: California
Posts: 3,320
What you are feeling is normal. Honestly I know exactly how you feel. I have been in the same boat. When Sophie was about 3 weeks old Carlos' dad passed away and was being buried in Mexico only 3 hours from our home, but we did not have a passport for her or even her birth certificate and they were having the wake the night before and the burial the following day. I went and had a hard time, but my mom did a great job.

In those circumstances I really HAD to go to be there for my husband. That being said if I had a chance for a date night now (this being my second), I would go in a heartbeat! I say go and enjoy yourself, but let DH know if she stays you are going to be up at the crack of dawn to go get her. What time will you be coming home?
Thanks BAM for my amazing siggy
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November 22nd, 2008, 08:30 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I don't know. Honestly, I still haven't left Erin overnight anywhere. Granted, I haven't really had an opportunity, BUT I know it would be really hard for me and she's 18 months old! At just over a month, I couldn't have done it.

Would you really get a good night's sleep if she weren't there? Honestly? Or would you be a awake all night worried about her?

If you honestly think you could really sleep, then go for it. If not, then it's not worth it.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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November 22nd, 2008, 08:31 AM
madmum_sarah's Avatar formally sarah_the_sane_1
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 15,004
oh hunny its totally normal to feel like that! i remember being forced out of my MILs one night so she could have kyle. it was that bad i didnt enjoy myself and i was phoning every 5 mins! she ended up taking the plug out of the wall to stop me so i paniced thinking something was wrong and went banging on the door
moral of this story, if you are not ready then dont do it! you have to do it sometime but right now you need her as much as she needs you and if you give in then you will feel worried all night and wont really relax anyway.


Friends are the family you choose yourself and I love my JM sisters!
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November 22nd, 2008, 09:14 AM
woohoo502's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 6,635
My friend and I were just talking about this yesterday. Zoe is 8 weeks old, and I don't think I could leave her overnight. I have only left her 3 times so far, and both times were with DH for only a few hours. Tuesday, I am leaving her with my in laws for a couple of hours, and I am already having anxiety about it. I say if you are uncomfortable with it, then express that to your DH. You won't be able to have a good time if you are worried about Madison all night.
~Whitney mommy to Zoe 9/26/08 and Zachary 3/2/12~

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November 22nd, 2008, 09:19 AM
Danica's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 4,478
That's a totally normal feeling. Honestly I haven't left Naden with anyone overnight and he's 2.5. Although I would be comfortable with my parents or Travis parents watching him overnight but not until he was 18 months. I say if you are really uncomfortable with the idea then still go out with hubby but pick up Madison on the way home.

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November 22nd, 2008, 09:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,632
I haven't been in your shoes yet, but I know that my mil talks about keeping Hannah overnight all of the time and I just keep saying, well when I am done bf'ing (and secretly hoping that once I am done bf'ing she will quit asking). I am sure those feelings are completely normal. I know I would feel the same way. No matter what you decide to do, I hope you and Dh have a wonderful time together!
Thank you Mistyx5 for my siggy.

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November 22nd, 2008, 09:58 AM
Mum2three's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: St. John's Newfoundland
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Oh hunnie! its perfectly normal for those feelings to a raise. To be honest i think its to early for you and Madison to be apart from each other. Remember shes still getting to know you as her mom. I wouldnt have Madison go there over night. Mabey just for the sitting time thats it.

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November 22nd, 2008, 10:04 AM
braeden&chase'smom's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Tucson AZ
Posts: 210
Ahhhh, I had the same problem but it was with my mother. My son is 18 mos and he just stayed overnight at my mom's for the first time last month. I still have not had him stay at my mother-in-laws. But your's is only a month, right? You are not over-reacting, just being a normal new mommie. If you know you are not ready, don't force it. Evaluate what you think its making you uneasy, do you think your little girl will miss being away from you, or are you worried something may happen and you want to be able to keep a close eye on her? I would start slow, with having her stay with grandma for a few hours at a time, maybe even tonight, but not overnight. You can always pick her up and bring her back home to sleep, right?

Good luck to you in your decision!

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November 22nd, 2008, 10:08 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
It's completely normal to feel that way. The first time we left Makenna overnight was our 10th wedding anniversary. I phoned my parent's house twice but I did enjoy myself and the sleep (she didn't sleep through the night until she was 12 months old so I was really sleep deprived). She was 8 months at the time, but she's since been overnight 5 times now and the last time she was over at my parent's for the entire weekend while DH & I did fall cleanup and stuff around the house that we couldn't really do if she was home.

The first time is hard but if you trust who she's with it's a lot easier. Do what you think is best and don't feel guilty. Honestly, I enjoy the time to recharge my batteries and reconnect with DH. It doesn't make me a bad mom that I get a full night of sleep and don't worry. I trust who she's with and would only leave her with somebody I trust whole heartedly. I probably would have had her sleep over earlier but I was nursing and she wouldn't take a bottle until she was close to 8 months old. If you're not ready to leave her overnight that's fine too. Can your MIL watch her at least while you're out and you pick her up after?
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
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November 22nd, 2008, 10:32 AM
Madison.Hailey.Zack's Avatar Mom of 2 Girls and a Boy!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 11,069
I trust MIL totally its more a personal thing of mine. I would feel weird not having to get up to feed her or not being able to just look over and see her laying there sleeping but I wont have to worry about that now. She isnt available tonight and so I will be staying home with her again. Its starting to wear on me that DH doesnt seem to care because he is still going and he's got hunting a couple of times now and I dont get that pleasure of taking off and not having to worry about her because there's no where for me to go anyway. I guess it was better that I dont go because we would need someone to come watch her here because we're riding with someone else and we wouldnt know for sure if we would be ok to drive somewhere to pick her up when we got home since we were going to a bar.

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November 22nd, 2008, 05:18 PM
angelmomjen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: South Carolina
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I can definitely understand about missing them during the night. I haven't let Nathan go overnight, and Im sure my mom is not ready for that anyway. We are going out on New Years Eve and my mama is going to keep him overnight since we plan on really having a good time! He will be three months by then so hopefully I will be ok.

I also feel ya on DH leaving ya. I totally understand that its not about wanting to leave Madison but just sometimes needing you time. Dh and I went to my brothers cookout two weeks and ago and he was supposed to stay sober so I could have drinks with my SIL..well what happened? He got drunk I stayed sober. Figures..

Sorry babe Im sure you will get a night out soon after 9 months you deserve it.
Thanks Nami for my beautiful siggy!
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November 22nd, 2008, 05:34 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: California
Posts: 7,567
sorry hubby is having fun while you stay at home, that would really upset me, and to be honest I wouldnt let mine, lol. i would make him stay home with the family, go out every once in a while, like onc a month, but thats it. and I wouldnt be able to let my baby go anywhere overnight either, not for atleast 2 yrs. but everyone is different.
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