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Is it normal to feel distant?

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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April 3rd, 2009, 03:10 PM
.kristen.'s Avatar Raising Little Marines
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 2,529
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At this point last time I was feeling the baby all the time and talking to it. Not this time, I just feel like I want a baby, but don't want to be pregnant. I have no connection with this one at this point. I don't want to go at exactly 16 weeks because I don't want them to send me into L&D and I just don't want to be bothered with the drs. I feel like it is such a hassle sometimes. I go in once a week to high risk and once every 2 weeks for the ob. I mean it is a lot and it will become a hassle more and more, but it seems like no one is on the same page and I'm just being pulled around. I don't know, I'm terrified at every ultrasound and just terrified in general, but how am I supposed to feel? I'm just not connected to this baby yet in the mother child bond, and I can't set myself in that way because like last time if something happens, I will not be heartbroken AGAIN. Is this wrong?

Thanks to cavewoman

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April 3rd, 2009, 03:24 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
First of all, I don't think there's any "right" way to feel. I also want to say it's pretty common to feel distant after a loss. I don't think I really connected during the pregnancy with either Erin or Patrick like I did with Cora. And that's okay. It doesn't mean that you don't/won't love or want this baby. But you've been through the worst devastation that a mother can go through, and I think it's common for your heart to want to protect itself.

Try not to stress to much about it. You'll feel it when the baby gets here. Until then, just try to make it through each day.

Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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April 3rd, 2009, 05:25 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 9,810
HUGS Kristen! I'll second Brittanie's comment that I don't think there's a right (or wrong) way for you to feel...and I'm sure it'll all change, either later in your pregnancy or once you can hold your little one in your arms.

Savannah Stylin!

Remembered Forever with Love
10/13/2008 (@9w2d) 10/18/2011 (@8w5d) 2/12/2012 (@4w3d) 8/13/2012 (@10w3d)
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April 4th, 2009, 06:31 AM
IAMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 5,318
No sweetie, you are never wrong if you are true with your feeilngs. I felt and to some degree still feel the way you do. I found that it was really hard to connect with this baby because I was so terrified of loss. Before a loss, you are oblivious to how much your heart can be broken, and now for all of us, that hurt so well known.

Just have faith that later on in your pg and definately when you are holding your lo, you will feel connected. ((Hugs))
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