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Am I spoiling him?

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June 17th, 2009, 08:19 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,926
Hayden is a WONDERFUL baby, and is so easy-going with most things, but lately he has been kinda demanding with wanting constant attention. I always give in, but just wondering if I should be letting him be more self sufficient when it comes to playtime? What do you ladies think?

Angels in Heavan.
Helena May, June 28, 2007 & Alexander Michael, October 11, 2007
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June 18th, 2009, 01:23 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
Here's my

I dont think you can spoil at 6 months, Victoria. Landon went through some very fussy times around 5 to 6 and half months. Sometimes it seemed like I could NEVER put him down. He would want me there all the time, in front of him, talking to him, cooing, babbling at him, talking to him, and God forbid I left I left the room! He was scooting and crawling by 6 months.
When he cried, or was fussy, or just wanted to be held, I gave in. Every time. Granted, I would try talking to him first, playing on the floor with him, before scooping him up, loving and cuddling him, but I did it every time. Anything I had on my list of things to get done, had to wait. And while I thought he would never grow out of that phase, and I would completely pull out my hair because I couldn't get anything done, I look back now and think that may have been one of things that helped him feel secure.
Now, it's a completely different story. He's 8 and half months old and very independent, happy, and plays by himself now that he is moving everywhere quickly and pulling himself up to every piece of furniture. Sometimes, I want to pick him up and just snuggle with him, and he wants to get down and play! He's not in the mood to cuddle...just explore.

The only thing that I was very consistent with is bedtime. I started that transition to him going to sleep in his crib at 7 months...sleepy but still awake so he could learn to fall asleep by himself and pacify himself. That was the toughest part. Perhaps I would have less consistant and more lenient with the bedtime thing if he didn't have a brother on the way? That was a tough transition. I only put him to bed when I KNEW without a doubt he was tired, and I did let him cry that fussy tired cry. At ten minute intervals, I would go in and rub his back, or sometimes pick him up and cuddle him in the dark without leaving the room, and lay him back in the crib. Sometimes, that was all he needed was that extra cuddle, sometimes, he would cry again and I would repeat the cycle.
I have it great now, but it wasn't without hard work!

I say love him and cuddle him even if it's all you feel you do. Because in a couple more months, he will be all over wanting to explore, and when you want to cuddle him, he will start squirming and want to get down and play.

Just remember this stage will pass quickly! They really do grow up FAST! I didnt' take nearly the amount of time with my first as I do with Landon and maybe that is because I am older, but I have seen how fast they grow, and wished with my oldest I had taken more time with her before it passed in the blink of an eye. She's 12 now!

Dont worry about any 'advice' from others that you are 'spoiling' your baby. Many things on your list of things to do can wait-they will be there later-Hayden wont always be a baby. You are his mom and you know what he needs and is best for him more than anyone else.
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June 18th, 2009, 07:24 AM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,159
I agree with Hopenot. You cannot spoil with love and attention. At this stage he is developing trust and security that he will have his needs met, including those needs to be help, cuddled, played with and loved.
Cheryl, mama to Noah Paul born 12/26/09, wife to wonderful hubby Rob
I am proudly a homebirthing, excluively breastfeeding from the tap, constantly babywearing, bed sharing, attached mama to a high needs baby. He is a part time diaper-free baby!

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June 18th, 2009, 07:47 AM
klt klt is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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I couldn't agree more. They grow up soo fast! Hold them and cuddle them while you can! The time you take with him will give him the security that he desires and the affection that he needs. And, who could resist giving in to your absolutely adorable little Hayden?!?!?! The dishes and all of the stuff around the house will still be there. Trust me. It will ALLLL be there when you're done holding your little one. So, enjoy you him!
Kelty---Mom of 4 boys!

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June 18th, 2009, 08:34 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
I don't have any advise since Alex is also my first, I do agree with the ladies. I always give in with Alex, I always end up picking him up, and you what? I have dh and the babysitter saying that he is spoil, so what, he's 4 months, this is the kind of spoiling that I can do, and love to do.

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June 18th, 2009, 08:54 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
I don't believe you can spoil a baby.... a toddler... maybe...a school ager for sure.... but a baby...no way! They depend on you for everything. They NEED you. Trust you instincts, listen to his cues, and enjoy every minute of baby hood cause it flies by soooo fast. My oldest graduates next week!!!

You might want to look into babywearing (if you don't already) for those times that he wants to be held and you want to get stuff done. I would suggest a Babyhawk Mei Tai or a Beco for his age. I have both carriers and love them. There are web sites where you can buy them used. Let me know if you want the info

It could also be an age thing. Matthew just had a really clingy period at 4 months. Maybe something similar happens at 6 months? You can't go wrong loving your baby
Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (23) Amanda (20) Matthew ( 6) and Daniel (4).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (24) and Krista (21)
step-grandma to: Wesley, Rosemarie, Scarlett

On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon.
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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June 18th, 2009, 11:33 AM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,926
Thanks ladies, I figured I couldn't go wrong if it felt right, right?!

I wish the attention he was wanting was to cuddle, but it is to have interactive play with me or Daddy. He actually does not like to cuddle very much (boo!), but that's okay 'cause I take full advantage of cuddling during feeding time. He is just a very curious and fun-loving baby, he simply doesn't have time to just lay around..... lol!

Anyhow, thanks again, I am glad to know I am not the only one showering their baby with tons of attention and affection.

Angels in Heavan.
Helena May, June 28, 2007 & Alexander Michael, October 11, 2007
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June 19th, 2009, 10:17 AM
Sabina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,657
Benjamin was the same way - he never wanted to be held or cuddled at that age, he always had something better to do. Now that he is old her loves to give hugs and cuddle in your lap. And since he wasn't a cuddly baby I take full advantage and drop whatever I am doing when he wants cuddles So you never know how Hayden will be when he gets a bit older and the whole world isn't so new anymore.

And about the spoiling - go ahead! My motto - I went through hell and back to have my little guy in my life and I'll spoil him every chance I get! - This may change when he gets older but at this age they don't know they are being spoiled.
Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy
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June 19th, 2009, 11:15 AM
kalis's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: IL
Posts: 6,523
i am on the same page as the above posts. love and attention is not spoiling! if Thea wants cuddled - i cuddle her, if she wants play time or a story - i do that. and i have found that she does go through phases. she stopped cuddling for a while (i got my fix while nursing), she goes through stages where she is good at independent play and other times where she needs mommy with her more. i may not always understands why she wants/needs something, but i feel like i am doing a great job if i am responding to her and she appears to be happy, which she does.
Thanks to *Kiliki* for my pretty siggy!
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