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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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June 26th, 2009, 01:35 PM
szczepanski's Avatar nakmaster
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Western NY
Posts: 8,399
I scheduled my first midwife appointment this morning, and then was transferred over to the nurse to make my ultrasound appointment. They don't do it on-site so I actually have to have a referral to the hospital they work through to get it done. Which doesn't sound complicated right....except for you are basically at the will of the midwife to have an ultrasound done.

With my last pregnancy, I had a missed miscarriage. Our little one stopped developing at 4/5 weeks and I didn't not miscarry until over 8 weeks later. I walked around for an entire month giddy & thinking I was pregnant. So when I had my last appointment with my midwife (who I love love LOVE.....and is currently on maternity leave) she and I discussed betas vs ultrasound and we decided on doing an early ultrasound for my next pregnancy. She wrote it IN MY FILE that when I called, to schedule it for 7/8 weeks. She also said when I called that if they didn't see the note, they would see my history in my file and it shouldn't be a problem.

I just got off the phone with the nurse - who told me she wouldn't schedule it until I VERBALLY TOLD HER that I understood that seeing a heartbeat at 7 to 8 weeks was not a guarantee that I wouldn't miscarry. Thank you for pointing out something I am very well aware of. There is no guarantee until my baby is in my arms as we are leaving the hospital. How incredibly rude is that. I just want to make sure everything is developing okay.

I did get my appointment, I guess that is all that matters...but I'm a little frustrated by this. She didn't even look at my file. What a nice nurse to tell me, just a couple of months after a miscarriage that basically I can't take any kind of relief in seeing a heartbeat.

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June 26th, 2009, 01:42 PM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
I'm so sorry they were so rude to you. I am glad you got the u/s scheduled though. I look forward to the wonderful updates!

Sometimes people can be so insensitive! I hate when they happen to be the ones that should have compassion.

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June 26th, 2009, 01:45 PM
PixieQueen's Avatar Hi-Tech Hippie
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Richland, WA
Posts: 6,038
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Obviously she's never BTDT. And people like that just don't get it. Grr. You'd think they'd still at least TRY though. yay for an u/s!

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June 26th, 2009, 01:58 PM
szczepanski's Avatar nakmaster
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Western NY
Posts: 8,399
Im so glad you girls understand...it wasn't even that she told me what is essentially the truth - but she didn't even try to tactfully tell me. I feel great right now (meaning I feel like crap because the hormones are kicking my butt) but I still want that reassurance that we have indeed made it farther than last time.

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June 26th, 2009, 02:14 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 9,810
that's really incredibly insensitive...we are all too aware that we get no guarantees with our pregnancies no matter how far along we are - but i doubt she'd ask someone getting their *big* u/s appt to acknowledge that! You have every right to ask for an early u/s, especially after going through a missed m/c scenario, just to have some reassurance that development is occuring. HUGS

Savannah Stylin!

Remembered Forever with Love
10/13/2008 (@9w2d) 10/18/2011 (@8w5d) 2/12/2012 (@4w3d) 8/13/2012 (@10w3d)
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June 27th, 2009, 12:58 AM
IAMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 5,318
I think that an ultrasound right now would help you to relax once you saw the h/b and that can be very bennificial to you and your lo. Your nurse was very rude. I don't think that ppl can understand the sensitive nature of PAL. All we ask for is a little understanding and reassurance. Seeing the h/b is a big milestone.
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June 27th, 2009, 01:55 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
Congrats on your pregnancy!
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June 28th, 2009, 09:15 PM
klt klt is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,233
Rude, rude, rude...what was she thinking? I'm sorry she said that to you. Seeing a h/b DOES decrease the risk, and it's a big deal to us PAL members, dang it. And, NO ONE needs to tell us that we still need to worry. We're really good at that! I can't wait to hear about your appointment. When does your awesome midwife come back?

Congrats on your PG!
Kelty---Mom of 4 boys!

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June 29th, 2009, 10:52 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
I'm sorry there are so many insensitive people out there. I'm sorry she was so rude, I truly believe that some people don't think about what they are saying. I'm glad that you were able to schedule the u/s.

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June 29th, 2009, 11:14 AM
~Angela~'s Avatar Mommy to 3
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 5,518
That's really pathetic that a nurse for a midwife would say that. I'm sure she's had to deal with this kind of situation before, she should understand the nervousness of a newly pg. woman who has recently had a m/c. All I can say is that maybe she was having a bad day, or something crappy in her life going on? Hopefully you don't have to deal with that again!

BTW - the nurse I seem to get (well, not sure if she's a real nurse) every time I go to the OB continually forgets I've had a m/c and I have to repeat myself every time....it's like GEEZ, just look at my chart already!
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