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Did it not feel real for a long time?

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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July 9th, 2009, 06:43 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 15,169
Hey ladies, I'm not here as often as I should be so a little about me.....I got pregnant in June of 08 and miscarried in August at 10.5 weeks, then pregnant again in November and miscarried again in December at 6.5 weeks. My OB did a few bloodtests and didn't find anything, and figured they were both random. So fortunately we are able to get pregnant in just a few months, and I got pregnant again in April and will be 16 weeks on Saturday I use my doppler about twice a week to make sure there is still a wonderful HB, and there still is today

So....in your successful pregnancy after loss....did it take a long time to feel "real"? I obviously know I'm pregnant, and am beyond excited, I'm even starting to show now....but it just hasn't hit me yet I guess. I've had 3 u/s, know the HB is great...so things are going fine. I say I'm starting to show but still tell myself if I was watching what I eat and exercising, I wouldn't be showing yet (I probably wouldn't). But it doesn't mean I don't have a 4"+ baby growing inside of me!

We are going to start painting the nursery this weekend, and I'll order furniture soon. Our next u/s is Aug 4th, so I think by the halfway point, maybe I'll start to believe it?

I can't be alone, right??

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July 9th, 2009, 07:19 PM
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 152
I don't post here often either, mostly just lurk, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one to feel this way! I have a three year old son, and had a m/c at 9 weeks in September. We got pregnant again in January and I've suddenly found myself at 26 weeks, realizing that I have nothing even close to ready for the baby to come because it's only now sinking in that we will actually be bringing home a new baby in just a few months.

I have had a huge amount of anxiety I have been battling during this pregnancy, which is now getting better although not gone yet. I think for me I've been in some sort of denial, although I'm thrilled to be having a baby, I'm so terrified of losing her that I've been protecting myself. I think it's only natural that we do that, and if you're like me it will get better as your pregnancy progresses.

Congratulations on your baby!
Wife to Dan
Mama to Finley (5.10.06) and Claire (10.13.09)

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July 9th, 2009, 09:39 PM
megal40's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,853
I think it is our way of protecting ourselves. You aren't alone. I did it while pg with DD and I am currently 6 wk pg and trying to just let it be for 6 more weeks before I start to really think about it or get excited.

The great news is you seem to be "out of the woods." You are well past your past losses and you are out of the 1st trimester. Just try to take a breath and start preparing for the fun and chaos that is ahead!

Good luck Mom!

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July 10th, 2009, 08:20 AM
huckleberry312's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,196
Definitely not alone Christine. I know this has been a hard journey for you. I didn't show very much and didn't feel the baby move until after 20 weeks so it was very unreal for me. I was scared to buy anything or make arrangements for things until almost 6 months along. I know I am pregnant and only have at the most 2 weeks, but it doesn't seem real. I don't think it will until I get to hold that baby in my arms. The best advice is to take it one day at a time and try to relax. Enjoy the pregnancy and what is happening because before too long it will be over and you will have your little one with you.


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July 10th, 2009, 08:53 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
Christine! I'm so happy to hear from you. I been wondering about you. For me the first step of feeling real was when I started showing, but the real feeling started when I started feeling him move, then it made it very real.

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July 10th, 2009, 12:58 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 15,169
Thanks everyone. I've definitely been excited like I said, and I've bought a bunch of clothes, pretty much picked out the nursery furniture, and we're getting the paint this weekend. So it's not like I'm letting my "fear" hold me back from doing anything. I did say to DH the other day "I love being pregnant" I think because it's been so easy (I honestly don't feel any different and haven't at all), but then again that's probably why it makes it a little hard to believe too!

I definitely can't wait to start showing a little more and feeling movement. THAT will really prove to me it's real!

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July 10th, 2009, 01:09 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 9,810
you're so not alone in this Christine...i sometimes forget i'm pregnant until i feel the baby kick! I agree with Patty that it definitely feels more real when the movement starts...

Savannah Stylin!

Remembered Forever with Love
10/13/2008 (@9w2d) 10/18/2011 (@8w5d) 2/12/2012 (@4w3d) 8/13/2012 (@10w3d)
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July 10th, 2009, 09:33 PM
klt klt is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,233
I agree with everyone Christine. I think many of us are protecting ourselves by somehow not letting the PG feel real. It wasn't until I felt consistent movement that it really started to sink in. And now, at 26 wks, I still haven't purchased anything, although I've started to shop.
I'm glad everything is going well! Have fun planning the nursery. You'll have to give us all the details, with pics of course!
Kelty---Mom of 4 boys!

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July 11th, 2009, 08:52 PM
PixieQueen's Avatar Hi-Tech Hippie
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Richland, WA
Posts: 6,038
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I'm with you. And I showed faster than with Tanith, but only to me and DH. To the world I still just look fat and not pg. Now that the nausea and fatigue have stopped, I also "forget" I'm pg. I can't wait until my appt next week, because I still worry.

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July 11th, 2009, 10:50 PM
..Red..'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,952
Hey Christine! Congrats! I don't follow this board or TTCAL nearly enough. I'm just so busy. But honestly it was for me the movement, the HB, and the big u/s that finally made it feel really real. Of course I also have all the issues that you can have. Infections, BP issues, SUA, and now GD! yay! But once I got to 25 weeks, I was a happy camper. But my loss was at nearly 24 weeks, so once I got past that, I was like, this baby can survive anytime now. (one of the ladies in my DDC had a micropreemie at 24w+5!! and her daughter is nearly 2 now!).

But now I'm 30 weeks and OMG it's getting so close!

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July 12th, 2009, 05:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Upstate SC
Posts: 4,443
It didn't sink in to me with Nick until my water broke. I was so used to things in pregnancy going wrong that I didn't relax. With Jon I was relaxed and it sunk in once I was12-13 wks. Now this time it's a little different, I was relaxed until I found out I was having a girl now things are a little more stressed due to the only losses I know the sex were girls. I have everything for her but nothing is put out.

http://stitchingthroughlife.blogspot.com/ my cross stitch blog, my outlet.
http://chriscrossdesigns.blogspot.com/ my Cross Stitch Designs

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July 12th, 2009, 08:23 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
It didn't feel real until I started feeling consistent movement.

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July 12th, 2009, 09:27 AM
..Red..'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,952
The other thing that helps me is I see the doctor all the time. Even now, I have ante-natal testing (non stress tests) twice a week, see the doctor every two for the next few weeks, and have an u/s every month. Although I have a mini-u/s every time I go for NSTs. So I constantly see or hear the baby and someone is always is saying hey there is a baby in there. I think once you get to 24 weeks and the baby could be born, things will also be different. Because the doctors and nurses treat you different too. Every question and worry has more significant meaning because you could deliver the baby and the baby can survive.

I also think too that it's good to prepare. I started buying things after the u/s. It was like giving me permission to think positively and aim for a healthy baby. Although I've been hit with all kinds of roadblocks and issues, I still believe this baby is goign to be healthy and happy.

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July 12th, 2009, 10:07 AM
kellyanne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,960
Didn't start to sink in for me until after my big u/s. I didn't even tell people about the pregnancy until around that time because they would get all excited and I felt like I couldn't share the excitement because I didn't believe it was actually going to happen.

3 angels Feb, Mar, Aug of 2008
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