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I've been dreading today...

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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March 6th, 2006, 02:16 PM
my_boys_are_my_joy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Bayou state
Posts: 6,431
Today is my due date for my first pregnancy. How did you handle going through this time and not having a baby? I basically had a break-down this morning and hyperventalated on my way to work. It took me probably 20 minutes after getting to work before I was able to come out of the bathroom and face people. I teared up several times and had to leave. Being a kindergarten teacher, it wasn't the easiest thing to do.

I loved the baby I lost so much. I know I wouldn't have the baby kicking me as I type if I didn't experience that loss, but it still devestates me any time I dwell on it. And days like today, I can't help it.

Will this time of year always bring on depression? My birthday is only a few days away, and I can't imagine ever having a happy birthday again. All I can think of is what I lossed. My little one in my womb brings so much happiness now. I don't know what I would do without him. I'm so hopeful of our future together, and I can't wait to see him and hold him and count his fingers and toes and feel his chest rise and fall on my chest. But I just feel depressed all of a sudden, and I know it's because of what today signifies: my overwhelming loss--the baby I'll never hold.

Did any of you get depressed during what would have been your due date time? How did you cope with it? Any suggestions?

a huge thank-you to Mom2*Lauryn*Jacob* for my gorgeous siggy!
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March 6th, 2006, 03:46 PM
Posts: n/a
My due date was January 15th. I had planted a rose bush in memory of my daughter we lost in August. It tried to bloom on her due date and it was freezing cold out too.

It was a hard day but I just let the feelings come. Know that your baby is looking down on you today and protecting your little one in your tummy.
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March 6th, 2006, 03:57 PM
JCat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,665
My due date was Dec. 4, 2005. I just took the day to remember. Five days later we found out that we're having a little girl.

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March 6th, 2006, 05:43 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
It's hard & everyone's story is a little different. I mc's again about 2 months before my first EDD passed - so I think it was all the more bitter to me. I didn't have anything to look forward to in my eyes - just more pain heaped on. Overall I felt the day was healing though - just getting past it. It wasn't any immediate sense of relief, but after a few weeks - it felt a bit like a weight had been lifted that I had gotten through it & could try to deal with the 2nd loss more - if that makes sense. Now I am most days at peace with the first loss - at peace enough that I even went to the playroom right before I found out I was pg & actually looked at all those fat cheeks & felt ok about it. I never thought that would happen - I always thought it would hurt. Now I wasn't feeling good enough to post - but it was actually very freeing to look for the names I remembered & see those babies that followed. The 2nd loss is still harder for me right now & perhaps it's because I have tat EDD looming over my head. I am hoping more than anything that I get through this one still pg - that would be amazing to me.

For hte due date I've passed - I planted a flowering bush & buried a few momentos.. (it's a long painful story - better left untold) - and I cried like I never had cried for any of it really. I physically could not walk. But Dh was there & in the end - it helped me to be more at peace. I dedicated that area of our yard for a memorial garden & I out 2 doves for the babies there. I don't know what I will do for the next one, but I imagine it won't be all too different. I am hoping it doesn't hurt quite as much - but we shall see.

(((((hugs))))))) to you - due dates after loss are a painful, tender, precious, aching thing. I send you love & prayers as you work through yours.
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

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