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11 Weeks and Still Haven't Told Anyone

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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March 15th, 2010, 11:35 AM
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 257
11 weeks down. I guess it's because our 2nd trimester loss was such a shock. I just can't bring myself to tell my co-workers or my family. Anyone else go this long without telling anyone?
New Mom to a baby boy!
Big Sister 8 yo.
1 angel baby girl, 10/21/2009. 20w, 6d.
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March 15th, 2010, 12:31 PM
Posts: n/a
We told everyone right away. It is hard after having a later loss (my son was at 26 weeks) and you have to do what feels right for you. For us, we still wanted to tell people right away so we did.
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March 15th, 2010, 12:39 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 7,676
WEll with the pregnancy before Kaetlin I lost the baby at 20 weeks. SO We told most of my close after 12 weeks.. and then the rest of the family and friends after 20 weeks. I would say what ever you feel most comfortable with. I know some people did not say anything until the started showing...I just wanted to get past the 20 week mark..

I just saw that you lost your little one at 20 weeks too. I am so sorry ....
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March 15th, 2010, 01:11 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 6,834
My first loss was at 23 weeks w/ identical twin girls. When we got pregnant after that it was a singleton so we told right away, but I miscarried at 9.5 weeks. Now, we're waiting. Some friends know, but no family. I want to try to wait as long as possible to tell them.

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March 15th, 2010, 02:48 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
Personally, no - I had everyone told by the time I was about 8 weeks LOL... but that is just *me* & there is no right/wrong time to tell, it's just a matter of when you feel comfortable.. and I can imagine that after a 2nd trimester loss, it would be harder to tell people 'early' on, than with a first trimester loss, or losses... ((Hugs))

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March 15th, 2010, 04:48 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 11,023
my losses were early, pre heartbeat. So we waited until we had a confirmed heartbeat this time. I am sure I would feel different if I had a later loss.
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March 15th, 2010, 05:32 PM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 11,772
I told everyone right away....My loss wasn't till later, and I think everyone knew that I wanted another baby....I wanted everyone to know, and my feeling is that nothing will happen just because I tell people...Besides if something ever did happen, i'd rather people know than have to go threw it by myself.
Forever Missing My Baby Girl Ella Grace
Born Sleeping October 14, 2009

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March 15th, 2010, 05:41 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
My loss was at 18 weeks, so we told family right away, and friends a little later, at 8 weeks, after a nonviability scare. I'm glad we did, because when we lost two of the three babies at 14 weeks, I really needed everyone's support. We couldn't have waited much longer than we did, because everyone knew we were doing infertility treatments, and with 3 babies I was showing very early.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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March 15th, 2010, 11:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,389
I told a couple of close friends, otherwise we didn't tell any family until after my 12 week scan. Then we went away on holidays and I came back close to 15 weeks pregnant and told all our friends then. I was very hesitant even then to tell people - it was sort of like keeping it secret made it seem safe (as I don't like sharing my emotions with the world ie. if something were to happen again)...but by 15 weeks people at work were starting to guess anyway so it was time to spill the beans!

Thanks to Meganpixel for my beautiful siggie!
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March 16th, 2010, 06:57 AM
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 62
I am so sorry to hear about everyone's losses.
I can't seem to keep many things secret (unless they are for other people). We have told quite a few people and we have not seen the heartbeat yet. My loss was early on, 6 weeks, so we probably should have waited at least until we heard the heartbeat. On the other hand, if something does happen, I know I would want/need people around me to support me through it.
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March 16th, 2010, 08:58 AM
alethia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 18,623
I've told everyone right away with all 5 of my pregnancies. However, all of my losses we're first trimester ... 9 week'ish or less for all 3. I get nervous telling ppl - but it's also great to have support no matter the outcome. I think it's a very personal decision - and you should tell ppl when you feel ready! HUGS!!!
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March 16th, 2010, 09:12 AM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,777
I'm so sorry for your loss. Especially after experiencing that, I think it's completely understandable to wait to share your news. I believe that you need to do whatever feels right and ok for you. We lost our first baby at 12 weeks, so for that reason, we only told close family and friends until after 12 weeks. But for me, I needed the support that I knew I would get if I told close family and friends right from the beginning.


Missing our angel baby since Feb 7, 2009

BeaMade for unique, adorable, high quality handmade crochet hats and booties, velcro free soother clips and soft sole baby boots.
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March 16th, 2010, 04:26 PM
dancefever's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Conneticut
Posts: 3,796
I told my mom because I'm on her insurance at the moment and she would have found out when the bills went to her house But that's it so far. I'm not sure how long I'm going to wait to start announcing the news to everyone else. I think you will know when you're ready though. Don't push yourself, just wait until it feels right to you!

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March 16th, 2010, 06:25 PM
baby4me?'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,592
I think it is definitely different for everyone. I had 3 early losses and when I got pregnant this time, we told my mom and my best friend and waited to tell everyone else until I reached the second trimester. It was still hard for me to talk about the pregnancy though. I only told a few people at work and only started talking more about it around 4 weeks ago. Do what feels right for you!

Amanda & Rob married June 16, 2006

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