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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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March 30th, 2010, 08:07 AM
Oreobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Manitoba Canada
Posts: 6,749
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I have a question for ladies that have experienced a loss, but have since had a healthy baby.

I again had another nightmare last night that I lost this baby. I know that they are just dreams, but I end up making myself stay awake till I feel Rayanne kick, and then I can go back to sleep, sometimes it's right away, some times it takes about an hour or so, and I think the longer that it takes I get more anxious. I woke up this morning, after being up for about an hour and a half last night thinking, I'm not sure if I can do this again. I don't want to be one of the people that complains about there pregnancy, because I do love being pregnant, and I am so thankful that my little girl that I have been given, but the anxiety, and the worry, I'm just not sure. I'm wondering if once I know I can carry a baby till full term, does it get easier the next time? Thanks ladies. I'm sure once she is here, that I will change my mind and want another one, I'm sure it's just the sleeplessness, and the worry that is getting to me, but I was curious if it ever gets better?!

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March 30th, 2010, 09:20 AM
*MomofO&Nat*'s Avatar Kelly, Massachusetts Mama
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In the 'burbs of Boston, MA
Posts: 2,519
I don't know if the worry every goes away after a loss, but I think having my son first with a relatively normal pregnancy helped me to want to TTC again after my loss. This pregnancy I am definitely more paranoid and afraid but the drive to hold my baby in my arms keeps me going and I am willing to try to keep the fears at bay in order to get to that point. So for me, having had a healthy pregnancy and a loss, I am just jumping in again and trying not to let the what ifs get me down.
Mama to:
Owen James (7/12/08)
Natalie Laura (9/14/10)
Harrison Dean (2/22/13)
Proud Member of the September 2010 Playroom

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March 30th, 2010, 12:52 PM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Here is my "history"....

Son born 5/15/91 (not planned... I was 15)
Daughter born 11/8/94 (first cycle TTC)

First loss at 14 week March 2007. (After about 6 years TTC)

3 more early losses 5w,7w,4w

Matthew was born 2/7/09 he was an injectable fertility meds and IUI baby that worked the first cycle of meds.

Early losses in August and Dec. This pregnancy followed the m/c in Dec.

With Matthew I seemed to be okay emotionally after the scan that revealed gender at 14 weeks. I had my moments but didn't feel "a mess" emotionally with the pregnancy after that.

With this baby even though I KNOW I can carry a baby to term it's just different. I don't feel confident in this pregnancy at all yet. I still feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe because I now know exactly what I would be missing if this baby doesn't make it. Matthew is such a blessing and a huge joy to us. I can't imagine not having him. I feel like I should just be happy I have him and not be wanting more.

I thought after my NT scan I would relax a bit. It hasn't happened yet. I still get the doppler out twice a day to check and see. Now I think after I know the gender maybe I can be happy and positive.

All I know is this is a roller coaster and sometimes the only thing that helps me is ignoring the fact that I am pregnant for a while. I don't have to think of this baby 24/7. I know this is my last pregnancy and I should be enjoying every single minute of it, but some days it is just too hard.

So to answer the question for me no it's harder not easier. I think everyone is different though.

One day at a time
Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (23) Amanda (20) Matthew ( 6) and Daniel (4).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (24) and Krista (21)
step-grandma to: Wesley, Rosemarie, Scarlett

On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon.
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

Last edited by *Bobbie*; March 30th, 2010 at 12:54 PM.
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March 30th, 2010, 01:17 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 1
I've thought the same thing. I'm pretty sure I will TTC soon after this baby - but I'm terrified of early pregnancy. But I love the second and third trimester so far. So I guess it's worth it. - PS - I totally lay there till baby kicks me too - but I help baby along - usually if I poke them and talk to them - roll over, drink water - I can wake baby up pretty fast! I never wait LOL!

Thank you Kiliki for my first beautiful Siggie!

mom of 2 angels and an earth baby
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March 30th, 2010, 05:38 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
I sympathise, I really do.. I was very much the same with Gaby - and am waiting for it to begin with Emersyn.

This pregnancy has been weird for me. I DID think it'd be easier than my pregnancy with Gaby - and in some ways it has been, because I've been able to tell myself "you've carried a baby to term before, she is happy & healthy", but then when I have my paranoid & anxious moments, I think "well that doesn't mean a thing"... The reason I have decided I'm done after Emersyn, IS that anxiety I experience.. *every* day I experience some anxiety, and it effects me physically & mentally...

It's tough, it really is. Because deep down you *know* that chances are everything is going to be fine, but you are also too well aware that sometimes things *don't* turn out fine...

I wish there was a pill for all of us, so we could experience some form of normal pregnancy... perhaps if there was, I would have another baby after all...

we're ALL here if you want to talk about it more, we all understand, so don't feel like you're 'going on' about it too much etc etc....

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March 30th, 2010, 06:58 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 982
I know what you mean. I had a healthy baby boy almost 6yrs ago (oops!) then we had a stillbirth last April (1st cycle ttc) and now I'm almost 30w pregnant with #3, though it will really be 2 living children). I am thinking I'd love to have more kids, but this pregnancy has been so stressful I"m not sure I can do it.

My feeling is, just get to the end of this one and see what happens. Maybe once you have that healthy baby in your arms things will change. Plus, I found that early pregnancy with this one was actually really quick and not so nerve racking, I think because i had a 5yr old running around, there just wasn't time to worry about it. I know its different for everyone though.
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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March 30th, 2010, 08:49 PM
Oreobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Manitoba Canada
Posts: 6,749
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I actually went and bought a cheaper doppler today...I know it won't help me with the next one, but it is going to help me get through these last 10 weeks without feeling so upset, and anxious...I found her HB tonight, (and made her move, she really doesn't like me poking around at her) I am hoping it will help me get through this. My DH said the same thing...lets get to the end of this one, and then we can think about what's going to happen with the next one...thanks girls. I am doing ok for now...I think buying the doppler will help. I am lucky to have you girls here to help me through things.

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