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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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April 25th, 2006, 04:56 PM
wclark602002's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,464
well ive finally done it.ive managed to tell my husband how i really feel and what i really think...and now he hates me .he wanted so badly to tell the kids abou the baby and i said NO,when he asked me why i told him that when we go to the doctors next friday i dont want to have to come home and tell them there is no baby.he just looked at me like i was stupid and asked how i could say that.i told him thats how i feel,that we will go in and get the US and hes gonna say your baby is dead.im so scared of getting an US when i should be happy to get one so soon,but all i can think of is what i saw the last time on that screen and it terrifies me.so now hes gone to work ,mad at me,all i wanna do is cry but i cant cause then the kids will wonder whats up.i just dont understand how hes so positive and when i asked him how he knew this one was ok he said he just felt it,i said yea and you "felt" it last time too and look what happened.am i crazy?am i irrational?i want to be happy and i try so hard,i know what happens is out of my control and im willing to accept that,but im just so afraid to think things will be ok,i figger if i keep thinking this way then when it does happen it may not hurt as bad,i will have prepared myself for thr hurt some.i dunno,i just wanna crawl into a hole.
Wendimarried to my soulmate and mama to 4 great kiddos & 1 sweet angel

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April 25th, 2006, 05:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,406
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I know exactly what you are going through and I can tell you your DH does NOT hate you!! After 3 m/c's everything has me so scared. My DH has been very optimistic and this time I've been more optimistic also because I've now seen that stressing myself out and being negative didn't do anything for me. So now I fear that I'm being TOO optimistic. Like I'm just so sure everything is fine and I'm scared of finding out I shouldn't be so optimistic. I am having weekly u/s's since we're with a specialist and because of my history and every night before it I go into panic mode that the next morning we'll get there and not see the hb like last time.

It's really hard to have gone through a m/c and go into another pregnancy 100% sure that everything will be okay. I would talk to your DH tonight and just explain your fears to him and I'm sure he can understand where you're coming from. I've learned the loss was just as hard on my DH as me and even though he'll never admit it - he's just as scared as I am.

Hang in there - and again he doesn't hate you!!!

<span style="color:#333399">JACK MATTHEW BORN NOVEMBER 25TH AT 4:39PM WEIGHING 7LBS 11OZ, 20.5 INCHES

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April 25th, 2006, 05:51 PM
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so been there. It does get easier as you get further along. But those first few months I was a wreck. I too thought well if I don't got attached it won't hurt as much. But who are we kidding. It would hurt just as much. I too didn't want to tell my kids. My daughter took our loss very hard last summer. We finally told them after the amnio. She would ask me before if I had a baby in my tummy and I would tell her we don't know yet, the DR will tell us soon. I just didn't want to get her hopes up.

I still worry, but it does get a little easier. Once you can poke and prod your baby to kick you, the worry goes down some.

I remember having the same conversation with my husband about him thinking the baby was ok. and I was like But you thought that last time too and she died. I'm sure when you are ready you will enjoy telling your kids.
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April 26th, 2006, 06:37 AM
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