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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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May 13th, 2010, 05:15 PM
jlynne's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 136
Hi ladies! I really thought this PAL thing was going to get easier, but so far it hasn't. I am just over 25 weeks and have not bought ANYTHING for this baby! We had our u/s two weeks ago and everything looked good, and we found out it is a baby GIRL! DH is so excited and our son is already saying he is going to beat up her future boyfriends. I went to Target today to make myself buy SOMETHING, and I ended up crying and having to leave the baby department. I am so afraid to jinx the pregnancy. I don't want to have all this stuff for her and then lose her. I got pregnant pretty quickly after my loss in October, but I really thought I was ready. Am I nuts? How long did it take you to buy things? Thanks!
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May 13th, 2010, 05:26 PM
krystal g's Avatar Happy to be a SAHM!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Illinois (just outside of St. Louis)
Posts: 2,410
I bought a couple of gender neutral sleepers probably at around 15 weeks...but that was only because I forced myself to. I didn't feel comfortable at all until after our big scan at 19 weeks and of course after our quad screen results came back. It has gotten easier since I think I finally accepted that he is healthy and is coming! But I know how scary it is and how apprehensive you feel. I just kind of forced myself to jump into it. Now I'm really enjoying getting ready for his arrival. Positive thinking really does go a long way. I really hope things get easier for you. HUGS

My blog!
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May 13th, 2010, 08:14 PM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Honestly once you start buying a few little things it gets a whole lot easier. You really should at least try again. I promise it DOES get easier to get excited and think more positive than negative eventually. You just have to take those first steps.

Worst case.... you don't buy anything and have to buy it after she is born. Not really a big deal, but could be stressful when you are trying to recover.

Start with the stuff you will need. Diapers, wipes, socks, a few outfits and sleepers. At least if you have the basics you will be ready for her to come home. The "fluffy" stuff can wait if it's too hard for you.

Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (23) Amanda (20) Matthew ( 6) and Daniel (4).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (24) and Krista (21)
step-grandma to: Wesley, Rosemarie, Scarlett

On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon.
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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May 13th, 2010, 10:37 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
I was the EXACT same way with this pregnancy, until I reached about 30w... I was so scared that I would 'jinx' the pregnancy, if i did anything that looked remotely like I was getting ready for her to arrive... and to be honest, I still kind of feel that way. It's so hard to explain. with Gaby I was buying things right fro mthe start, but this time... i just can't

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May 14th, 2010, 03:52 AM
baby4me?'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,592
I have definitely had those thoughts enter my brain but I am pretty good at pushing them aside. Even though I am 35 weeks and the end is in sight! I actually think the closer to the end I get the harder it is for me because at this stage I just can't imagine loosing my little guy and it scares the **** out of me.

I would do what Bobbie suggested and just try to get a few basic things. Stuff you really don't have to think much about. Maybe make a list of exactly what you need, go to the store, buy them, and leave quickly! Not things like shopping for a coming home outfit since if you are like me... that takes some looking around and figuring out what you want.

Amanda & Rob married June 16, 2006

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May 14th, 2010, 05:00 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 1,571
Hi Hun. I felt the same way too. My husband and I knew that was going to be a problem, and so we made a habit early in this pregnancy of buying one small baby item after each doctor's appointment to celebrate the milestone. Now I've accumulated 7 or 8 onesies (I'm 25 weeks too with a girl in Pittsburgh!). It's starting to bother me again, because I know what I really need to do is start buying the bigger stuff, and I'm terrified to do it. So DH and I set a goal of starting that in July. I just have to take it a bit at a time. And honestly, by buying one or two small things here or there, I've gotten to enjoy it a lot more. I've decided that no matter what happens, these are her things, and I wanted/needed that positive experience of shopping for her - even if it meant being scared when the things started to pile up. I had three losses before this, and never got the chance to do these things.

That said, I think I'm still going to hold off on things like the nusery, and I'm definitely not having a baby shower. I don't want more stuff than I need. It gives me a lot of anxiety worrying what I'd do with all this junk if something bad happened. I'm only going to do what is necessary and the rest of it can wait. I know we all have to handle it differently, but we're definitely not alone in the feeling. HUGS! (P.S. There's another meeting this Monday and I'm going. I was actually going to bring this up as my fear...! So it must be normal! PM me if you want the info).
Blog on RPL and TTC
Dx Hetero Prothrombin and Factor V
*Forever missing our three butterfly angel babies*
~December 08~ ~May 09~ ~September 09~
Proudly breastfeeding, pumping, and cloth diapering my little sweet pea!

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May 14th, 2010, 08:01 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,367
I still have not bought anything. I have stuff - but it was gifts. I am definitely glad for the gifts because it has made me get used to the idea of baby items in the house. I am not quite ready to go out and furnish the nursery but I am looking at furniture. I think the small items will come first. My plan was to buy a bunch of stuff for bathtime as my starter items - and low and behold that was what I got as a gift!

I do like Kristin's idea of celebrating the milestones and buying items to do that. Since I was just had my 16 week appointment I think I will start that now.

You are definitley not alone in this one!

Thanks Chelsea (GraysMama) for my fantastic signature!

Life as it is...

Love your angel babies for making you the person you are!

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May 14th, 2010, 09:17 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
I did not buy anything for the baby until I was about 30 weeks. Like you I didn't want to buy anything just in case. I agree with Bobbie, I think once you buy something, and then buy another little thing it will start to get easier.

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May 14th, 2010, 10:23 AM
sportyboymom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 4,233
We just started to collect and buy things over here. And we just started the nursery last week. I definitely feel 'behind' when I meet other pregnant ladies who are so much more prepared than me....but I'm doing it on my own time. (I really just hope he doesn't come early!)
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May 14th, 2010, 10:53 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
Posts: 12,914
(((HUGS))) You are not alone! I am about 16w with this baby and have not even thought about buying ANYTHING! And I wont until I am futher along. That is just me.

When I was pg with my DS (after 2 back to back losses...3 total losses) I was teriffied to buy anthing! I did not buy anything for him until I was 30w and that is only b/c my DD (almost 3 at the time) had a freak out that her baby brother would have to come home from the hospital naked

Maybe you could try buying something on-line. That way it wont be as real as buying something in the store and you can have time to adjust to it before the item arrives in the mail. Just a thought.

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May 14th, 2010, 12:08 PM
Frangipani's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: the lower 48
Posts: 3,246
totally there with you. I've been pretty paranoid and still can't really relax and believe that I will be a mommy in September. I keep worrying something will happen to take this baby away from me too. I'm in the Sept DDC as well, and with what's happening to Brandi and her family, I'm that much more worried about it.

I have some things that my friends gave me-they threw me an early baby shower since I'm moving in 2 weeks. Other than that though, I haven't personally bought the baby anything. I feel like it's bad juju or something.
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May 14th, 2010, 12:35 PM
KDD's Avatar
KDD KDD is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 16,068
I don't think you're crazy at all! You still have lots of time to buy things for the baby, and if you're not ready yet, then you're not ready yet. I know that I won't be buying anything (no matter how great a deal it is) for a long time!

Missing our Angel since April 11, 2008
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May 14th, 2010, 02:38 PM
Mama Chemist 73's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 3,933
I was right around beginning the 3rd trimester when we started getting things. I needed to get past the 24wk point (when we lost DS). I was always thinking...what if we have to return this stuff or take down the cradle, etc. She's still not here, but getting closer. It does get easier.
Sharon - Mom to Theresa, Harvey,& Sarah

My Ovulation Chart
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May 15th, 2010, 10:19 AM
jlynne's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 136
Thank you all so much, you made feel a lot better! DH and I are going out to dinner tonight and then we are going to Babies R Us to look around. I'm hoping we will be able to get a little more excited and make this fun. I don't plan on buying anything tonight, but maybe it will be a little easier to have him with me. Thanks again!
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May 15th, 2010, 01:07 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 11,023
I can totally understnad. i think i skipped the bullet on this one because my DD is 18 months old and our three losses were between the two/ All my baby needs is batteries...

If you just can't buy anything for baby, don't force it. If you are at 30 weeks and just can't do it ask a friend to buy the needed stuff and have it come home when she comes home. (Diapers, bottles, wipes, coming home outfit and CARSEAT everything else can be gotten later)
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May 16th, 2010, 12:18 AM
klt klt is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,233
It just stinks that a loss makes PG sooo much harder. I did not buy anything until I was well into my second trimester. And, I only bought the ducky outfit and the matching booties because my son (11) wanted to get something for the baby. I realized it wasn't fair of me to make him worry. The boys had a hard enough time with the loss. I didn't need to make them live with my fears. So, we bought the outfit. I was terrified, but, I let them know I was excited.
For my birthday, they bought me three onesies. Aside from that, I bought NOTHING until I was over 30+ weeks. But, I have to be honest. We didn't know what we were having and aside from my fear, I didn't want to buy all neutral colors. So, I instructed my DH (who knew what we were having) to buy the "going home" outfit and I waited to get everything until Max was here.

My suggestion is that you go and get something. Like everyone says...it gets easier. Allow yourself to get excited. Your little one deserves you to be excited about him/her coming, despite your fear And, cry when you need to...even in the stores! It's OK.

Good luck shopping and keep us posted
Kelty---Mom of 4 boys!

Last edited by klt; May 16th, 2010 at 12:20 AM.
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