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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
October 28th, 2010, 10:52 AM
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 13
I had a miscarriage on sept 26 and now my boyfriends bothers girlfriend just had her baby. I feel so upset about it. Whenever someone brings it up I probably seem like a brat because I just say ohh cool or something like that and walk away. I don't want anyone seeing me get watery eye because no one knows about my miscarriage expect for less than a handful of people. And then after anyone talks about her I get really mean towards my boyfriend. I feel like I'm going crazy.
In a way I kind of consider her baby to be my nephew and hopefully one day we'll be close but right now I'm full of different emotions like sadness, anger, jealousy, etc. and I'm not sure what to do. Anyone been through this?
Something else I'm worrying about is if I'm pregnant again or not. My boyfriend and I haven't been safe. Does anyone know when my period should come or if its late..?
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  #2  
October 28th, 2010, 12:09 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 118
Well, I can't tell you about whether or not you're late. Everyone's body is different, especially after a m/c. Some women get their regular cycle back immediately and others take couple of cycles. My ob/gyn told me it could take up to 6 weeks to have a normal period. But if you're not being safe and don't get a period in the next 2 weeks, I'd take a test.

As for the feelings, it's completely normal. I lost my baby girl at 14 weeks. I felt the same way. I stayed at home for about a week because I could stand the thought that I might see a pregnant woman and I wasn't anymore. I will tell you when I did go to the grocery store and saw not only 1 but 2 pregnant women and a woman with a newborn, I hated life. I was filled with so much anger and resentment it wasn't even funny. Then 3 weeks after my loss my cousin announced she's pregnant. I thought it sucked. I felt cheated. I was so sad and angry. I wanted someone to blame, there was no one. It just wasn't meant to be for us then. It will take time but you will get there.
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  #3  
October 31st, 2010, 04:05 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 1
(((hugs))) you are totally normal! I was angry after my miscarriages too. I hated spring and summer because I could tell everyone was pregnant. I had a friend who was due about the same time I was - and it still brings me a little sadness to see her baby. - BUT - my Anabela couldn't exist if I hadn't lost my first two babies. And she's perfect and I would go through it all again to hold her. Really. You will feel better - and you will always miss your baby. You might want to tell more people about your loss so they are more sensitive - but I don't know because I don't know them
As far as now? Well test In my experience it's pretty easy to conceive right after a loss. Post a pic of the stick if you aren't sure (or even if you are - I always love to look!!! ) And we will be here to support you when you are pregnant again!
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  #4  
November 1st, 2010, 01:04 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 13
I'm angry all the time, but its because i'm holding back tears like 24/7. i want to be strong and not cry but i turn into a crazy beotch. My boyfriend doesn't understand why i'm being crazy but i think he should just know..he doesn't realize how much this miscarriage hurt me and how often i think about it. but its because i don't know what to tell him and i keep it all bottled in because i don't want to break down crying..i wish he would bring it up and ask if i'm upset about the miscarriage.

i'm not pregnant also. i started my period a few days ago. so i'm sad about that :[
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  #5  
November 1st, 2010, 01:11 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 118
I was there. I too thought that my husband would just 'get it' but he didn't. He never said he was sorry, never offered a hug and never acted like it was ok for me to be hurting. Even to this day he doesn't get it. It was and sometimes still is very hurtful. When I think back on I can get resentful towards him. The only thing that seemed to ever make an impression on him was to let him see me cry and me trying to explain to him my feelings of incompleteness. Although he never fully got it, he did give me some room and more sensitivity that I needed. I'm not sure that I'd generalize it that it's just a man thing but, I really don't know.
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  #6  
November 1st, 2010, 01:18 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,683
men are clueless!!! He knows that something is bothering you but doesn't know what. I think it's okay for you to tell him that you are sad and missing the baby that you lost. It's real for us as soon as our periods are late or as soon as we take that pregnancy test and see that positive sign. It takes it longer to be "real" for the men because they just view pregnancy differently than we do. Tell him how you are feeling so that he can help be supportive of you. Don't wait for him to ask you about it. If he is anything like my husband, you will be waiting for him to ask for a long time. Sometimes we have to take the initiative to tell them what we need them to do.

I'm sorry that you are hurting so much. It is the worst feeling in the world to lose a baby. Please take care of yourself. Feel free to ask any questions that you have. Unfortunately, we've all experienced what that loss feels like. Fortunately, we are able to support each other so we each can heal and move forward.
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  #7  
November 1st, 2010, 01:34 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 1
(((hugs)))) You have to tell him how you feel. Men won't just get it automatically. And cry. really - have a good cry. let it out. I didn't properly grieve my first miscarriage and the second one hit me really hard. It's ok to cry and be sad. Allow yourself that.
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Thank you Kiliki for my first beautiful Siggie!

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  #8  
November 1st, 2010, 01:37 PM
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 13
thank you guys. i really want to tell him whats wrong. but i'm afraid of how he'll react. i don't want to make me feel dumb for feeling like this.
i really wish he and i could communicate better. when i was pregnant, my bf and i hardly talked about the baby. it didn't seem real. i thought about him or her everyday and he didn't seem to. now our baby's gone and i don't know what to do. he has a kid with his "ex" wife so it makes me even more sad because they planned her and he was excited through out it and he really loved his wife. so i just feel so alone.
i never get time to myself, today's the first day in awhile and i can't stop crying. i've kept these tears bottled up for like a week.


my period's really weird too. it started 3 days a go. the first 2 days were VERY light, now its really bright red and clotty. how were any of your periods at first?
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