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Does the fear ever go away?

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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November 17th, 2010, 11:03 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 5,522
I am still convinced that my baby is going to die! I am 19 weeks along, I have NEVER even been close to this far (farthest was 10 weeks but baby died at 6) I can feel him move which is reassuring, but I can't accept the fact that he's ok. I feel like any day now he's going to die! After 10 losses it's really hard for me to believe that I can actually have a good pregnancy and a healthy baby!

I try to be positive most of the time, and I am usually very excited! I plan all the stuff we are going to get, but I can't bring myself to actually buy anything, and when I do I end up taking it back... I don't want to have to deal with seeing stuff and returning it if I lose him. Every week I realise how much harder it will be if he dies, in less then a week it would no longer be considered a miscarriage, but I stillbirth instead.... I would have to be induced!

I really hate it when these thoughts creep into my happiness, and they are taking over right now. Does this ever go away? Will I ever be truly happy? Or will I continue to be scared, even after he is born?

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November 18th, 2010, 09:00 AM
~LaurenNoel~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 7,909
You really have to focus on the positives, not the negatives. It's awful to think about having a stillbirth, and having to be induced. Don't do that to yourself. I know it is hard, I had 2 loses, and my mom had 5 (including a stillbirth of my sibling). It's just not good for you or the baby. I take one day at a time, and celebrate the milestones when I reach them. Instead, focus on being half-way done, and that much closer to finally getting that baby! The chances you will lose him drop greatly by this point. Everything could be perfectly fine, and likely is. *huge hugs*
///...........................Lauren, wife to Jay, mom to Wesley and Ruby


................ ...

Wesley (7.16.09) Severe GERD, FTT, Gastroparesis, Sensory Processing issues, Tube fed, (G tube currently), suspected Mitochondrial Disease, trialing Gastric Stimulator. Nissen Fundoplication 7/2012
Ruby (2.16.11)
Nissen Fundoplication and Hiatal hernia repair 10/25/11
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November 18th, 2010, 11:12 AM
dee68's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Illinois ( originally From New Jersey:)
Posts: 13,040
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ditto to the advice Lauren gave....
I know it is hard hon, I was scared the entire time also....but I did focus on all of the positive things during my pregnancy. One day at a time sounds cliche', but it really is the way to go. Enjoy this time as best as you can....and know that with each passing day, you are one step closer to meeting your precious little one !

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November 18th, 2010, 06:16 PM
KDD's Avatar
KDD KDD is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 16,068
I still have lots of fears too. Until he is in my arms, alive and well I don't think that I will ever fully relax. Of course then the new fears will creep in!
Missing our Angel since April 11, 2008
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November 19th, 2010, 02:52 AM
Boble's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,716
i was the same... but as the weeks went by it did get easier.. and then by the end of the pregnancy I was almost wishing I could keep her in... selfishy, I didn't want to share her with anyone else.. well.. I did, but I didn't. very hard to explain.

I found that from my 20 week scan it got easier.. seeing bub then and knowing that at that point everything was ok in there somehow made it easier.
Me: 28 DH: 34 DS: 10 DD: born 14th June 2010 3 angels 11/00. 07/08. 01/09

Thank you kiliki for my gorgeous siggy!
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November 19th, 2010, 01:22 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,710
I think it gets easier. My daughter was stillborn at 20 weeks, but I don't worry about losing this one anymore. I've had several ultrasounds all verifying that he doesnt' have the same defect my daughter did and I think that has gone a long way towards giving me peace of mind. It takes a lot of faith to go through a pregnancy after what we've been through, but we've just got to try our best to be positive and push through. I agree that if you haven't had your anatomy scan already that will probably help ease your mind.
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November 19th, 2010, 06:32 PM
martilynne's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 12,987
not really, I'm not as scared as I could be since we haven't seen anything to be concerned about on any ultrasounds. There are still things that make me freak out quite often and I'm almost to the end.

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November 20th, 2010, 12:39 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 1
The anatomy scan made a HUGE difference for me. I still get scared. We co sleep so I can always make sure she's breathing! And I have trouble leaving her with someone else - but it is miles and miles better than it was.

Thank you Kiliki for my first beautiful Siggie!

mom of 2 angels and an earth baby
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November 20th, 2010, 06:36 AM
zkat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,743
For me, each week further along in the pregnancy, the better I was able to contain my fears and panic. It honestly was not until after 24-25 weeks that I started to really relax. Being able to feel movement helped a lot, but can also make things worse at times!

Now that I am 2 weeks from delivering him, it is a whole new set of fears!
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