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Graduates... Do you feel guilty?

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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March 15th, 2011, 10:09 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 5,522
These past few days I have been feeling really happy! It's great! Less than 3 weeks until I get to meet my baby boy! It is finally happening after so much heartache....

Part of me feels guilty though. I don't think about my angels as much anymore. I am so wrapped up in my soon to be son. I feel like I am letting them down. Once Peter arrives I am not sure I will think of them at all! I know that he should get more attention as he is the in present. But they are my babies too! It's kind of hard to explain what I am feeling....

Has anyone else felt this way?

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March 15th, 2011, 11:01 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 6,097
I do feel guilty but you know my situation was a lil differant, I feel guilty in the sense I gave up on my child. I've lived with the guilt since Nov 9th. I don't regret my decision in away but it is still really hard to handle emotionally. I think it is good to forget sometimes, thats why i think my mind shut down in recovery. But we are meant to be happy and Erica I am sure you are going to be a terrific mama both to Peter and your angels, they will always be with you
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March 16th, 2011, 02:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: The Heart of Rural England
Posts: 1,310
I feel it sometimes but I have to remind myself to seek out God during those times and be grateful for carrying my 2 losses till it was time. God does heal our hearts and helps us to be strong and move on.

Jessica, from this day forward, if you are a Christian, ask God for forgiveness and you will be forgiven. Then move forward and cherish the time you had with your baby. Don't look back on your choice but instead the blessing in carrying your baby till it was time for him to go home. Remember the feeling of being pregnant with him and that joy. Just don't let the guilt in Hun.
Thank you Claire1979 for my beautiful siggy!
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March 16th, 2011, 05:09 AM
onedaysoon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Montreal
Posts: 3,168
I do, but it's reverse guilt. It's more guilty for this pregnancy whenever I wish I hadn't lost the last one, cause then I wouldn't have this one...do you get that?

I think Pamela said it really well though and my faith did and still does help me get through.

Forever missing our angel November 9, 2010, with us for 9 weeks

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March 16th, 2011, 06:23 AM
Posts: n/a
I think guilt is normal. BUT, just because you're happy about Peter, does NOT mean you have forgotten your angel babies or no longer miss them. But sometimes, I think you have to let some pain go to function in life. WOW!! Only 3 weeks left!!
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March 16th, 2011, 08:10 AM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 7,472
I don't feel guilty, I feel blessed. We aren't meant to be unhappy all the time. When someone passes away, that person doesn't want us to spend all our time missing them and crying, instead I would think they would want us to remember the time we had with them and be happy. Our babies are the same. We don't ever forget them, but the sadness is lifted and they would want us to move forward and be happy.

To read updates about our baby born with major birth defects, like our Facebook page
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March 16th, 2011, 08:19 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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I have been missing my angels so much and thinking about them so much that I don't think I feel guilty. I am in a different place though. I am sure that you aren't forgetting your angels just healing from the hurt of the losses. Rainbow babies help with the healing. I am sorry you are feeling guilty.

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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March 16th, 2011, 10:08 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
My two losses were both quite early. I don't think of them as real babies that I lost, more as could-have-beens that never got a fair chance at all... occasionally I think of how "man, I could have an almost-1-year-old right now!" or "my baby would already be 6 weeks old now" - but not very often anymore. I don't feel guilty about that, though. I think it's healthy and good to remain in the present, with the living, in this actual moment, as much as possible, rather than in those alternative timelines.

I know it's hard when you are really grieving a loss or losses that is/are more like the death of a family member... and I know it's common for surviving family members to feel guilty when they start to become happy again and move on after grieving the loss of a close loved one... but it's important to know that the person you lost would want you to be happy and move on, when you're ready.
Erica, I think your angels WANT you to be super excited and happy about Peter!!! They don't need you to think about them all the time, they know that you love them, but your real role is with the living, as you said.

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March 16th, 2011, 08:19 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 1
We talked about this in our DDC/PR because many of us have lost babies/pregnancies. And ye - both sides of the guilt are quite common! You are totally normal - big HUGS!!! It's such a weird feeling - feeling happy and sad and grateful all at the same time.

Thank you Kiliki for my first beautiful Siggie!

mom of 2 angels and an earth baby
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