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I got bad news from my SIL this week..(loss mentioned)

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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March 26th, 2011, 06:36 AM
ldovey83's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,711
She was expecting and was due exactly 8 weeks apart from me.. We were so excited to have LO's so close together.. Well last week at an ultrasound they determined baby wasn't developing as it should.. It had only grown a day in a weeks time and the heart rate hadn't changed.. Well Wednesday she went in for another follow up ultrasound and baby had passed away.. There was no more heartbeat.. She had kind of prepared herself for that, but this was her first loss, and I know my first loss was my hardest.. Thurs afternoon she went in for a D&C.. If you could just keep her and my BIL in your prayers I would greatly appreciate it.. This has been hard for all of us especially since I am still pregnant and everything is going well.. I don't know exactly how to be there for her, without feeling like I am rubbing my pregnancy in her face.. It has been emotionally hard on me as well, especially with knowing what she is going through.. Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and just listen...
MY Angels: Angelbean5-28-09 Stickybean8-13-09 SweetAngel6-1-10 Raindrop8-13-10Surpriseling10-20-12
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March 26th, 2011, 07:33 AM
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Oh, I'm sorry. How sad for her, her DH and all of you guys too.
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March 26th, 2011, 08:06 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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I am so sorry. Late losses are hard. As far as being there for her just let her know you understand and that if she needs to talk you are there. Then let her come to you. Maybe even tell her that you understand if she doesn't want you around because you are pregnant. Praying for her and your family.

I am glad your pregnancy is going so well.

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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March 26th, 2011, 08:40 AM
ldovey83's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,711
I have been talking to my BIL to follow up with her recovery, but I did talk to her before the D&C when she told me baby had died, and I let her know I was here if she needed anything and I totally understood if she needed space from me while she healed.. She said no she is ok with it, and she is happy for me especially after what I've been through, but it is so hard for me to not feel akward now.. I told her when I find out what baby is I won't say anything till she asks me.. I think that might help.. Thanks ladies for your replies..
MY Angels: Angelbean5-28-09 Stickybean8-13-09 SweetAngel6-1-10 Raindrop8-13-10Surpriseling10-20-12
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March 26th, 2011, 11:44 AM
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I'm so sorry for her loss.
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March 26th, 2011, 11:56 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
I am so sorry for her loss.

Does she live close enough where you can go and visit her? She may not want to see you but then again because she knows everything you have been through and you can understand her you may be the one person she wants to hug most.

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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March 26th, 2011, 05:13 PM
Micksbabe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,347
I am so sorry I know how hard it is having a loss when someone close to you in pregnant ( my sister was due 5 weeks before me when I had my loss) but I was so happy for her that it truly didn't bother me! Maybe your sil needs some time but I am sure she is still excited about your pregnancy

for your family.

Thank you Bokkechick for my gorgeous siggie

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March 26th, 2011, 08:11 PM
MamaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 8,300
Aw, I am so sorry to hear this. I was in your sister's shoes last year, my sister and I were due 2 1/2 weeks apart when I lost my baby at 8 weeks last June. I know she felt awkward being present for me but I really needed her and I was able to separate my feelings of loss from my feelings of joy for her, though at times it was hard. She has a healthy 7 week old son now, and he is my Godson and I just love him to pieces.

I think just telling your sister you are there for her in any way she needs is the best that you can do.


Will keep them in my T&P's.

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March 27th, 2011, 07:45 AM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,756
I'm so sorry

When I lost my angel, my best friend was 9 months pregnant, and honestly I really didn't have a hard time being around her. I agree, let her know you're there for her and avoid talking a ton about your pregnancy, but she may really appreciate your support.
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