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OT - Lonely!

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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April 6th, 2011, 06:16 PM
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This is pretty off topic. I've just got no one else to really share it with, and the husband is a complete male, so he doesn't understand.

I LOVE being a stay at home mom! I'm grateful for my daughter (obviously) and grateful that I get to stay home with her and watch all of her growth and watch her become this person. But it is SO lonely being home with a toddler all the time. I only have one friend (WOW! Do I sound like the last kid picked to play dodgeball, or what??). She is single, and works a lot to support herself. I love her and she's totally awesome, but as she's so busy, and lives 2 hours away, we only see eachother once every couple months. And again, because she's so busy, we don't even talk on the phone. Other than that, I have my mom and sister, who also live 2 hours away. I go and stay for a few days, once a month, so that's nice.

My DH has 4 friends that all live within a mile of our house, so he doesn't get it. He has friends dropping by all the time, or he goes to their house. And I just sit here. With a toddler who isn't known for conversation. We live in the middle of nowhere, Hicksville USA, that doesn't even have mommy and me classes or anything like that. I just feel like crying all the time. I miss adults! And females! I thank God for JM because at least I have people to "talk" too, but it's just not the same as sitting on the couch with a buddy and yapping, ya know? Every day is the same as the next, and it's also hard because I'm just not a "people person". I'm socially awkward and say stupid things. I'm a good person, but come off badly I think. I just don't know what to do. And it sucks to be 35 and this lonely, ya know?

I guess I don't have an actual question. I guess I just wanted to rant/complain. Probably makes me look selfish. Thanks for reading this, if you've made it this far.
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April 6th, 2011, 06:22 PM
SoCaliMommy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 874
HUGS your not selfish at all.

What about going to the local park ?

Where we lived before i made a friend that way.

I know what you mean, i only have 1 friend that i was friends with from high school and we live close to each other now but lately she's been pretty busy because her daughter had heart surgery again.

SAHM To A(11)R(9)H(3) x3 TTC#4 since July 2013

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April 6th, 2011, 06:28 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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Sorry you are so lonely. I wish I had some advice for you. But I work outside the home and don't have friends come over . I don't like having people visit I am not a people person so after work I am done with them, people that is. At least you have us .

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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April 6th, 2011, 06:31 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 11,023
Ok I could have typed that exact post. Except I don't have access to a car even!
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April 6th, 2011, 06:48 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In yonder mountains
Posts: 9,339
Even though I am not a SAHM yet, I completely understand. Adult interaction is essential for a person! It is not selfish at all to want that! I am like you. I don't have too many friends. I live in Utah and my best friend lives in Arkansas! Talk about never getting to see her. I am terrified of the time when I am a SAHM because of this very issue.

Thank you *kiliki* for my beautiful siggy!

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April 6th, 2011, 07:18 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Yeah, I deal with some of this, and I'm not even a SAHM yet, but since I stopped working it has been a bit lonely at times. In my case I'm lucky to have a good friend and several other friendly acquaintances I should really make more of an effort to see more. It's hard because there's a hurdle to get over with people, the first several times you hang out can be really awkward at times, and then suddenly you're over the hurdle and just hanging out. But I haven't invested enough to get over that hurdle with most of these people. The ones I'm most friendly with, are the friendliest people in town so they have tons of friends and are always busy.

I've been moving every 5 years since before high school and it always seems like I move away just as I'm getting used to having good friends around. I think we will leave Mississippi in a couple of years too, so I'm almost questioning whether it's worth it to try to make any more real friends here. I'm also glad to have JM

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April 6th, 2011, 07:27 PM
Shadeauxe's Avatar It's me
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 5,820
I would checkout meetup.com. A lot of people use it as a dating thing, but there are a bunch of mom groups too (as well as other interests). I use it to run a boardgame group and it's a great way to meet new people who have similar interests.
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April 6th, 2011, 08:05 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,971
I met two of my best mommy friends on meetup.com. We have a playgroup that is local...has something like 60 moms as part of it. But I clicked with two of them. And I can tell you, it makes all the difference in the world. I remember those early days. And I even got lucky because I watched Julia for so long before I had Liam, that I knew a few people who had kids and I was not "totally alone." But it is so hard to not be able to explain what it is like to clean up the bathroom floor from the toilet paper mess ten times a day. Or needing time to take a shower (and shave) and having to put the kid in the tub with you...just to get it done. And mommy friends just "get it." SAHMs especially since you are a SAHM (although all mommies feel similarly at times). It is so hard to do the same thing everyday and feel there is nothing to look foward to. I would get on there and see if you can get into a mommy group around your house. Even if you are "socially awkward," there will be someone who will "get" you and you will click. I am not the best when it comes to social situations because I generally speak my mind and come across as the witchy word with a b. But I found two ladies who do the EXACT same thing and now we tell each other when the other is getting fat I am sorry you are feeling this way. And you are NOT selfish. Anything but. I think it is very, very normal. Things will get better naturally when she is in school (that is where I met Julia's friend's parents and their kids). But if you want to jump start it...check out some local groups. See what happens.
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April 7th, 2011, 09:50 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
meetup.com is cool, thanks for sharing that. I did not even knew it existed!

Jenny - don't feel bad for posting that. I understand - most of my friends are in Florida and I really miss hanging out with them everyday.

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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April 7th, 2011, 09:59 AM
hearts.0nfire's Avatar STPR lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 11,046
You are definitely not selfish. When I first moved to the town i'm living in now I had nobody. We were fighting with his family and they lived across the ways so I never talked to them or my neighbors, and then my best friends all lived out of town and out of state. Even though there is nothing near me on meetup.com I thought it was a good suggestion or trying the park.

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April 7th, 2011, 11:56 AM
Posts: n/a
Thanks for all the responses ladies! I feel a bit better. I'm going to check out the meetup.com. Not sure if there will be anything in my neck of the woods, but it won't hurt to try. I'm going to be hitting the park, if spring ever comes my way. LOL Thanks for the advice ladies.
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