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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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June 7th, 2011, 09:26 AM
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Are any of you concerned about loving this baby as much as your first?? I mean, I LOVE my Moose. She was a blessing (everyone in the family calls her the miracle baby), and she was a surprise. I was told I couldn't have kids, then BAM!! We had a lot of problems getting her here, then when she was delivered it took MINUTES to get her to breathe.

On top of all that, she is just like me. She's like a mini-me. She's funny and sarcastic, she has a wicked fashion sense (ok, not exactly like me. LOL) She's just the coolest kid, ya know? So I worry that this little boy will fall in the cracks. I worry that I am not capable of loving them equally, if that makes any kind of sense. I'm excited to be pregnant, obviously. I'm excited to have a little boy. I just worry that maybe I'll treat them differently.

Has anyone had this concern? Or has anyone had this concern and overcame it? Any advice, words of wisdom, etc would be welcome!!
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June 7th, 2011, 09:31 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I think this is the most common second-baby concern. Don't worry honey, you will. You won't know how, but you will. It'll come, and you'll delight just as much in this babies differences as similarities.

You will treat them differently because they are different children. But different doesn't mean you'll treat one better than the other. Or love your daughter more than your son.

Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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June 7th, 2011, 09:36 AM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,894
It did take me a couple of days to REALLY bond with my second, but when it hit.....I was just as in love.

18yrs later, and my first will always be my first........I do share a different bond with all my kids, all are loved equally, but differently.......if that makes sense.
momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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June 7th, 2011, 10:07 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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This is a very common concern with second children. I was so worried. But your heart will grow. No fear sweetie you will love this baby as much as your first.

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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June 7th, 2011, 10:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,364
I do have similar concerns. My 4 year old boy is the light of my life. Through both losses I've always been mostly thankful that it was never Max that was hurt. But I think most of that comes from the fact that I already know him and have yet to meet my second child. I know once I meet him/her I will fall as madly in love as I am with Max.
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June 7th, 2011, 10:25 AM
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Phew. Thanks ladies. I was worried everyone would think I was a terrible person. LOL It's just hard to imagine loving someone as much as I do Moose, ya know?? Thanks for all the comments!! I feel a LOT better!
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June 7th, 2011, 10:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
It's funny, but I've always wondered if I was the odd one because I don't have this concern at all. I've doubted my ability to cope and provide the same level of attention to two as I do to one, but not my ability to love another one as much as I love Connor. Maybe it's because of our long road to getting another child. While I haven't actually 'met' this little girl, I realize that already love her more than my next breath, so that could be why I'm not worried. Either way, I don't think you need to worry and I think it is a pretty common concern.

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June 7th, 2011, 11:23 AM
kellyanne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,960
I remember having those exact feelings and I agree completely with Brittanie's post. Your son will be a different child than your daughter. Some times he will do things, make a face, say something just like her giving you this amazing and wonderful sense of deja vu. It's tough to keep every little memory of your first and I often find myself remembering things Cori did as I watch Juliana. But he will also have expressions, skills, and personality unique to him. And you will love him for those things too. THEN...you'll watch them start playing together and think that your heart could just burst with love....

3 angels Feb, Mar, Aug of 2008
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June 7th, 2011, 01:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,017
When I was expecting my second I was thrilled to be having another baby...but I CRIED, and a LOT just worrying. My Ben was my entire world and then some and I just could not imagine HOW I could love another baby as much as I loved him. And I cried that now Ben would have to share me, and what if he felt left out. I cried over Nathan, and how could I ever give him the love, attention, etc., he deserved when my world was so wrapped around Ben? When I was leaving to go to the hospital I cried and cried as I hugged Ben goodbye, secretly feeling so guilty that the next time he saw me he'd be sharing me...and would for the rest of his life. Afterall, Steve and I wanted another...not necessarily Ben.

I was about an hour from delivery, it happened to be Ben's bedtime, and I made Steve (DH) go home and tuck Ben in for me (first night EVER that I didn't get to tuck him in). Steve thought I was nuts, and said he has never sped so fast, worried he'd miss Nathan's birth.

When Nathan was placed in my arms...I BAWLED, because it was like in that instant my heart grew and I already knew I was as in love with him and wrapped up with him as I was with Ben. I still worried Ben would be jealous, but when he came the next morning to meet Nathan, he bounced into the room and declared, "Where's the baby you gave me, Mommy?" And they've been inseperable ever since.

I think it's very normal (from the countless Moms I went on and on to about my worries before Nathan was born) to have the anxiety/worry you're having. I promise you'll love your little boy just as much as your daughter...and it will be minutes and you'll be thinking, "What did I ever do without him?"
“Before you were conceived, I wanted you...
Before you were born, I loved you...
Before you were here an hour, I would die for you...
This is the miracle of love.” -Maureen Mansfield

(6), (3) and a due Dec. 25, 2011 and one up above and forever in our hearts.

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June 7th, 2011, 02:04 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
Ya know how the first time you looked at moose and your whole body just tingled with this deep love you never knew you had inside of you? It will happen all over again with your son.

As we have more babies our heart magically grows

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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