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telling vs not telling (nervous, previous loss ment)

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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July 25th, 2011, 11:55 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,051
My husband and I had decided to not tell friends/family until after we see a heartbeat. Our son was hurt badly over the loss of our baby in November and we want to shield him by not telling people that know him.

The reason I've heard many give for telling about a pregnancy early on is for if they have a loss, they'll want support. I figured that if we have another loss, I know who was most supportive the first time around and I'll tell them and get the support I need.

What I didn't count on was needing support before we find out if there is a heartbeat. Right now I have myself convinced that my baby isn't alive and that we won't see a heartbeat this Thursday.

With my son, nausea hit at 6 weeks exactly, I threw up for the first time at 6w5d and it hit hard-- I needed IV fluids before I was 8 weeks.

With my daughter, I threw up for the first time at implantation. Then I didn't throw up until 6w1d. I was throwing up several times a day until around the end of the 7th week when I called up my doctor and went on zofran.

With the pregnancy we lost, I threw up for the first time around 7 weeks. It wasn't for another week that I threw up again. I threw up about once a day for a couple days around 8w1d. At 9w4d I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage via ultrasound. The doctor said the baby probably stopped growing around 5 or 6 weeks along.

I'm 6w3d today by LMP. It's likely that I'm a few days ahead of that given that at 4w0d my hcg was 433. I haven't thrown up yet this pregnancy. I'm only slightly queasy if I go too long without eating--and even then it is hit or miss. (And that's something I experience even when I'm not pregnant.) Other than getting tired an hour or two earlier than normal I have no pregnancy symptoms. No frequent peeing, no breast growth or tenderness, no vomiting, etc.

Sorry for sounding like a paranoid lunatic. I just need to get this out.
Mama to an elementary school boy, kindergarten girl, and my miracle toddler girl.
Three 10w losses (11/2010 + 8/2011 + 10/2014)
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July 25th, 2011, 12:10 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In yonder mountains
Posts: 9,339
Telling or not telling is a very personal choice. There were a few people that I told automatically when I got blood tests. On the pregnancies that I miscarried, I didn't tell people. They were all early on or we were not TTC and people would have been judgmental. I announced to the world at 11 weeks after 2 ultrasounds and passing all of my loss dates.

With the reaction that your son had, it would probably be good to shield him for a while. Anyone that knows him that you want to tell make sure you can trust that they will not tell him.

We were very exclusive on who we told until we told the whole world. We didn't tell my in-laws until right before we announced on Facebook. I hope that any of this makes sense.

Your little bean is in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you tons of sticky dust!!

Thank you *kiliki* for my beautiful siggy!

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July 25th, 2011, 12:16 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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Totally normal to worry over every symptom or lack thereof. My m/s got worse with each pregnancy. My symptoms went away but I had late losses so the lack of symptoms didn't worry me. Each pregnancy is different. It's hard not to worry. I hope you start throwing up soon . We are here to support you through this. So post anytime you need to. We get it.

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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July 25th, 2011, 12:38 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
I sound like a like a paranoid lunatic almost everyday here! It is completely normal. Unfortunately all of us are changed by loss. Gone is the ignorant bliss.

I hope we get awesome news on Thursday!!

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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July 25th, 2011, 01:20 PM
KeepingFaith's Avatar *~Mom to Faith Marie~*
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1,697
I understand how hard it is, I am almost 12 weeks and we are still not sure if the pregnancy will last due to a large SCH. I want to tell DD so badly but know how hard it would be for her if we lost this one. My close friends and family know and that's it. It is a hard choice. I hope you see a great heartbeat and it makes this easier for you!


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