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Sudden urge...and realization

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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October 6th, 2011, 07:43 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 661
I have had this sudden urge to find my old ultrasound photo from my triplets pregnancy loss. (9 wks)
It is really upsetting me that I can't find it.

I started looking because I have been thinking about how having one multiple pregnancy greatly increases your chance of another when it dawned on me: I think that mine were identical - had split from one egg because in my mind, when I recall the u/s pic they were all really close together and I don't recall seeing three separate bubbles/sacs.

This matters for a couple reasons - 1. that means I do not have a greater chance of multiple pregnancy because that is considered a "fluke", not genetic. And 2. that kind of gives more of a reason for that loss- three babies sharing one sac is much more dangerous for the babies...possibly sharing just one placenta (and I was so sick I couldn't keep a thing down). And then my next miscarriage was at 5 weeks the very next month after the d&c - my body was so depleted.

This is my way of making sense of things and telling myself there was an explanation for those losses that probably doesn't apply to this pregnancy so I should relax...

Easier said than done! Do others have sudden waves of obsession over the past losses like this? I feel like such a nit sometimes. I am afraid my DDC is getting sick of my anxiety!

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October 6th, 2011, 09:43 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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You are welcome to post about your fears here anytime. Most of us shy away from the DDC's at first for that reason and when the losses start.

I did the same thing with my two losses. I told myself what I thought caused them and how that wouldn't be the case this time. How I was in better shape and more healthy this time so it would be different. I think it's a way of coping. I hope you find the u/s pictures.

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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October 7th, 2011, 11:18 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,688
I'm certainly feeling the same way... I'm trying to will myself into relaxing and just enjoying the fact that I'm pregnant again. But my loss colors everything about it this time. I'm trying to restrain myself in the DDC and not talk about it too much - I don't want to freak anyone out any more than they already are. But it is part of my experience this time and I'm so glad that this board is here so we have a place that we can voice these fears and not worry about making these ladies nuts! They're already right here with us!

I had a dream last night that I was bleeding and I've been super paranoid all morning... I've just accepted the fact that I'm going to be out of my mind for a bit!

Hope you're able to enjoy some of it and that you find your pictures.

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October 7th, 2011, 11:44 AM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In yonder mountains
Posts: 9,339
DDCs can be really hard in the first trimester. I was almost non existent in mine until after the wave of miscarriages because it terrified me. I was absolutely saved by the girls here in PaMAL during my terror times. I love these ladies so much.

Thank you *kiliki* for my beautiful siggy!

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October 7th, 2011, 12:00 PM
*SamF*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 16,621
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I obsess over comparing u/s pics too. When I got my first one from this pregnancy I compared it to both the twins, Spud and DS. Thankfully it was closest to DS.

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October 7th, 2011, 05:42 PM
Sillylittlefishey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: IL
Posts: 2,852
Can you contact the place where the ultrasound was done and see if you can get a copy of the pictures? The only u/s we had of the baby we lost was at the ER where we found out he/she no longer had a hb. My husband wanted me to let it go, but I had to have the pictures for my own sanity and I called the hospital and they burned me a cd with them on it.

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October 7th, 2011, 06:32 PM
fromustobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,583
I still have the U/Ss from our loss in my purse...I compare this one to that one and to Kaidens...I'm beyond anxious...

I do think that what you said makes complete sense as far as your risk, identical triplets would be incredibly high risk, and horribly, it could have been so many things that could have gone wrong...I hope that this is your rainbow baby

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October 7th, 2011, 08:12 PM
robinmichele87's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,164
I hope you find the picture! I didn't join JM until after I was out of the first tri and I always felt pretty comfortable posting in my DDC but I can see how it would be easier to post here. I think your reasoning makes perfect sense..I've done the same thing. I had low progesterone with Xander and was put on a supplement through the first tri. When I got pregnant again, I knew it was a possibility and tried to get in ASAP but the naval clinics around here won't see you until 10 weeks..I begged and pleaded and got an appointment for 8 weeks. The day I found out I was expecting and also found out they wouldn't see me early on, I cried all day and kept thinking "I'm gonna lose this baby". I miscarried around 5-6 weeks. When I went in to the ER we saw nothing on the u/s. My levels were a 53.
I got pregnant with Archer 3 weeks later. I got in at exactly 5 weeks..we saw a sac. My levels were 3550. I made the doc test my progesterone and it was in healthy range. So this whole pregnancy I told myself the loss was probably bc my low progesterone and this time it was fine..and we saw a sac where we didn't before, etc. I just kept trying to encourage myself to believe this time was different, and that Archer wouldn't exist if I had carried that baby to term. It helped..didn't keep me from worrying but it helped. Truth is, some of us will never know why we lost the ones we did..but I do think finding an answer, even if it's just what you believe, does help.
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October 9th, 2011, 06:13 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 661
Thanks, ladies, for your responses. I haven't found the photo but I feel really sure that they were identical the more I think about it, remembering the photo. It was 10 years ago in a small OB clinic in another state...don't know that I will bother even asking.

Robin, I HATE it that so many places refuse to see pregnant women until a certain time. It is like the just don't care if there is something they can do to make pregnancies ok through the first trimester nor do they care about our sanity! I really think it's wrong.

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