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Telling other Angel parent friends....

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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October 10th, 2011, 08:44 AM
KaiyaRae'sMomma's Avatar Forever missing Kaiya Rae
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,840
Since losing Kaiya, Karl and I have been involved in support groups and have met some really great friends. One couple in particular have become very, very close with, and consider best friends. They had their son last september, born still. We have been in support group with them since March and know that they have been trying since about then to get pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant, I kept hoping and wishing she was already pregnant and just waiting to tell until hitting 12 weeks. So I keep hoping one day she will come out and tell us, and then I can say "Oh yay, me too!" and we will be prego together. However, we have realized that they most likely are not pregnant yet, based on some coments they have made recently and the fact that I accidently noticed she had pads in her purse yesterday. So my problem is I just can't bring myself to tell them. I'm 10 weeks now. Once we hit 12 weeks we will be going completely public, right now only family and a few select others know. I really want to and know I need to tell them before that point. I will not let them find out via Facebook! I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm so scared to tell them. I really want them to be part of this, and I know they will be happy for us, but I don't want them to be sad and jealous. I feel like if I keep waiting to tell them, they will be more hurt that I didn't tell them sooner, but this is just so hard! Any thoughts or words of wisdom anyone can offer??

Thank you Alethia for my siggy!

Read my blog: www.grievingmomma.wordpress.com

Last edited by KaiyaRae'sMomma; October 10th, 2011 at 10:46 AM.
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October 10th, 2011, 08:51 AM
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The fact is, they're going to be sad no matter how you tell them. How can they not be? It doesn't mean they aren't happy for you, but they will still be sad for themselves. You need to just accept that. Then just calmly tell them you're pregnant. You for sure need to do that before they find out accidently or from someone else. Just follow her cues. If she acts like she can't discuss your pregnancy, then don't talk about it with her. Give her some time to adjust to the idea, and I'm sure she'll be ok. Good luck!
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October 10th, 2011, 11:30 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,409
I would go ahead and tell them. I know for me I am happy for other moms who have suffered a loss like me when they tell me they are pregnant. It's just different when somebody has suffered the same thing. They may feel a little hurt and just wonder why they also can't get pregnant but I know they will be happy for you.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy
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October 10th, 2011, 11:53 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 4,398
I agree with the other ladies. Who knows, maybe you telling them you're pregnant might give them some much needed hope and encouragement that happy, healthy babies can be born to women who have suffered losses.

I was always sad for me, but happy for the pregnant lady, especially if she suffered a loss. Knowing that, for me, somehow made the fact of a close friend getting pregnant easier to bear.
Mom to a 2 year old baby girl, 2 week old baby boy, and one in Heaven.

In loving memory of our angel baby, with us for 4 weeks. Baby went to be with God July 24th, 2009.

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October 10th, 2011, 02:05 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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I agree with the previous posts. I would for sure tell them before they find out from someone else. They may be sad and jealous knowing that you have what they so desperately want but they will probably be happy for you as well. I know I was always jealous of the graduates but happy for them at the same time. Its a weird mix of emotions. So glad you are getting so close to 12 weeks. I hope that it goes well with you telling them.

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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October 10th, 2011, 02:53 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,044
I agree with the previous posts. It's going to be hard, for both you and them. Nothing will really make it easier and I can totally understand how you feel. I hope it goes well for you!
Mommy to Alexander, Annabella, & always missing our angel!
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October 10th, 2011, 02:58 PM
luvmykids623's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 13,408
I agree with the others. I had a similar situation with a friend with this pregnancy. She and her DH have been trying for about 8 years now. They needed IVF and got pregnant with twins and lost them both. When I found out I was having twins she was the first thought I had. I dreaded telling her, because I knew she would be upset no matter how happy she was for me. I finally just told her that I had something I needed to tell her and I wanted her to know before she heard it from anyone else. I told her that if she needed to hide me on Facebook or distance herself I completely understand. She gushed with happiness for us, but I know it's got to hurt. I understand why you're so hesitant. It's not an easy thing to do.

Thank you Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggy!

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October 10th, 2011, 03:47 PM
KaiyaRae'sMomma's Avatar Forever missing Kaiya Rae
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,840
Thanks everyone. I blew may chance to tell them in person, because we wont see them again until the 28th of this month and I will be almost 13weeks then. I know I need to tell her before that...so I think maybe next week I will call and tell her on the phone (if we can fit it in to get together I will try, but we are just both busy right now!). I'll just tell her and say that I wanted to let her know first, before "going public" so she would be sure to hear it straight from me. That I would love her support through this time, but also understand if it's hard for her to be around me sometimes. The words in my head sound so perfect, but they just wont come out when I want them too. I feel like a 16 year old about to tell her dad she is pregnant or something silly like that

Thank you Alethia for my siggy!

Read my blog: www.grievingmomma.wordpress.com
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October 10th, 2011, 04:34 PM
lindsey2000k's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ohio
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I agree with everyone tell her ASAP before someone slips in front of her.
I think its going to hurt no matter what but It would hurt more if you did not come to her first.

My friend told me mid August they were thinking about trying for a boy (she has 2 girls 18 months apart 4 & 2 right now) They were both unplanned and she never had any problems with pregnancy or anything. Anyway I told her I can not stop her from making the family that she wants but not to hold it against me if I disaprear during her pregnancy and a while when the baby was little... and she said she would understand. Little did I know I was acually pregnant when I told her that..lol Now I told her she needs to wait until about December to try if I am still pregnant..lol

Over the summer she was complaining that her long time high school friend is not talking to her anymore becuase she can not get pregnant. I had to tell her to think of it from another point of view. I said think of the thing that you want more than anything but can never have it then your friend gets it TWICE and she has to see you with them every time you are around.

But I think with your freind suffering such a loss and knowing you have as well she will be happy for you.

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