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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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December 4th, 2011, 11:58 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
Don"t be sorry Tobi - this is why we are all here. We seem to share a lot of the same experiences and it is good that we have these outlets without feeling like we will be shamed on or judged.

Are we doing this to ourselves as we are older? could it be that we are afraid to ask for help because we struggled so long to have our miracles? Are we guilt ridden if we spend even 5 minutes away from our babies as we still have the pain of loss in the back of our heads and in our hearts? I really wonder if what we went through to get here is effecting how we are feeling now?

With the boys I never felt any of this... What is different now?

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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December 4th, 2011, 02:29 PM
Posts: n/a
With Moose, I refused to ask for help. I didn't want to admit I was overwhelmed. What did I get out of it? A SEVERE case of PPD. Pretty much just lost my mind. So this time around, I don't even ask. I just tell him to help. If he wants a happy life, it starts with a happy wife!!! And the fact is, it took both of us to make our kids, it should be both of us to help. Of course, I'm a SAHM, so I realize the majority falls on me. I'm ok with that. But when I really need help, I just tell him.
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December 5th, 2011, 09:16 AM
dreamer10's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Utah
Posts: 2,084
I didn't read anyone elses response, so maybe I am going to echo what everyone else said...but here is my take on it....

Our lives change so dramatically....it's indescribable....the added chores, time crunches (getting dishes and laundry done fast while baby sleeps!), sleepless nights, carseats and diaper bags everytime we even need to go on a quick errand (which also revolves around naptime). Our bodies are trashed, our time is gone, our sleep is hindered, our lives are forever completely changed. Our hubbies and s/o may not get it because they are not the primary care givers. Their lives do change, but they change more in their minds than anything else. They have to accept that they want sex one night and we say no. They're disappointed, but we are exhausted and maybe even still in pain. They have to work more to pay the bills that a new baby comes with, but we are the ones caring 24/7 for that new baby. They have to be understanding when their wives are tired, cranky and snap at them for stupid stuff, but that's just part and par for a new tired mom. Their lives are different too, but in very different ways. They should try harder to help with house and chores so we can rest and be better women, but lets be honest...most of our men kind of "tune out" when it comes to this stuff. So, we both have to try to be more caring and understanding....and just make sure you communicate! That's where I have made most of my mistakes with Jon...not telling him I need help, or that he is being a bonehead!

Love ya!
The adventures of raising a big family....Life, love and family in the Sock Bin! www.thesockbin.blogspot.com

Our rainbow baby Brynlee Sue was born August 17th after four heartbreaking loses! Life is an amazing journey. Hang on, keep your faith and try to always move forward!
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