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Just a nervous wreck about everything...

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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  • 1 Post By geogeek
  • 2 Post By ashj_1218
  • 1 Post By missy123

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February 12th, 2012, 08:25 PM
kaylakay's Avatar Love Being A Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 1,472
Ugh I have been nervous and freaking out over everything!!!

1) I have been nervous about my baby of course... I just want her here safe.

2) Labor! I mean it's so worth it for my baby girl.. But who isn't nervous about labor? So many things can go wrong and of course the pain... I just hope I can handle it.

3) Being a new mom... I don't want to fail as a mother. I just want to be a good mom... I want my kids to succeed and be happy... What if I get over whelmed? What if I don't succeed?

I'm sure these are things a lot of FTM feel... It's just a very exciting scary thing.

Thanks for listening

Forever missing my 3 angel babies. Sep 2010, Nov 2010, Jan 2011
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February 12th, 2012, 09:12 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In yonder mountains
Posts: 9,339
I remember those days well. Even with the crazy labor I had, (birth center transfer sunnyside up 9 lb baby born with forceps after 20 hours of heavy labor) It was MORE than worth it and I wouldn't change a thing. Yes, labor was hard. Yes, being a new mom is hard. But just the fact that you are thinking about all of these things makes you one of the best moms out there. I honestly get scared for the people that don't feel trepidation with becoming a mother. Isn't it nice to just get it out? You will do great momma.
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Thank you *kiliki* for my beautiful siggy!

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February 13th, 2012, 06:21 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,971
Yeah, anyone who says they AREN'T nervous is either A. lying or B. a psychopath. Parenting and everything it comes with it is scary. And the way the society makes it sound is that there are single choices that will irrevocably damage your child. And the reality is that is just not true. There is more than one way to be a wonderful mother. And I am sure you will find your way! Motherhood IS hard, especially in those early days when you are learning, baby is learning, and no one is sleeping. But it is crazy rewarding. If you love your child and strive to make choices with her benefit in mind, you CAN'T fail as a mother. Those who fail at motherhood are too selfish to put their children first. And after everything you went through to get your little girl, I don't see you falling into that category.

And can I give you a word of advice? STOP listening to birth stories (no more A Baby Story either!). You will find more fear builds and builds with each story you hear. People are quick to tell you how long someone was in labor, how hard it was, how scary it was, how the baby's heartrate dropped, how someone pushed for three hours, etc. But the reality is that it is such a short period of time in your life, you can truly handle anything. And the chances of something going "wrong" is actually quite slim. Even with a scary birth, most of the time there is nothing "wrong." Doctors and the medical world tell us that birth is scary and babies need help to come out. It is not true (with a few...think 1 in 1000...exceptions). Women have been birthing babies since the beginning of time and obviously the human race has continued. Just make educated choices in labor and you will be fine. It probably will hurt to some extent. But, again, you can handle it. Childbirth is the only pain we have 9 months to prepare for. Breaking your foot hurts like crazy too...but you don't get to dread it, it just happens. So try not to build it up too much. Take it as it comes and you will be pleasantly surprised. But seriously, when people start to tell their birth story (or you see just one more episode of One Born of Every Minute is on)...tell them to stop (or skip that channel). Instead tell yourself that you can handle it. I swear it will help you. I got more scared with every birth story I heard...and I had already had a wonderful, almost painless, birth. When I surrounded myself with positive thoughts, I felt better immediately.
missy123 and LindseyE117 like this.
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February 13th, 2012, 07:45 AM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,741
Birth was terrifying to me the first time around. I so did not know what to expect, but I made it out alive. My second time around I was a little more prepared, but scared to experience the pain I felt with my first labor. I was also alone during the whole process, which actually made it better believe it or not. This time around, I am not so much scared about the labor pains as I am the baby being healthy when he gets here. Plus I have not had a baby in 9 years, so it is almost like starting over all over again. Having a new born in a house with two older kids and 3 dogs terrifies me. My husband is too calm about it too, which also terrifies me. I honestly do not think he realizes how rough it is going to be. I even offered to put a twin size bed upstairs in the baby's room so that I could be up there with him on work nights and he was insulted. We still plan on using havind a bed for the baby next to our bed, so I guess we'll wait and see how tired he really gets.

As for the other fears, it is normal. As soon as your baby gets here you will know a love like no other. You will do just fine.

Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy!
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February 13th, 2012, 08:54 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
Those are the new mom fears and it's alright. With DS I freaked out, I don't really like kids, so being a mom really freaked me out. You will be a good mom, worrying about being a good mom or not is what makes you a good mom. All she needs is your love and I can already tell she will get lots and lots of it.
Don't listen to people's birth stories, it will make it worse. I was scare of labor and guess what? DS came butt first I had to have a c-section. All you can do is prepare yourself for labor as best as you can.

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February 13th, 2012, 11:26 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,513
to everyone above! It is totally normal and healthy to be worried and nervous and excited all at the same time! It's a new experience, a totally awesome (pardon the surf terminology...lol) experience at that! I am pretty sure every "sane" woman has those thoughts, will I be a good mother, will labor hurt, will baby be healthy? That is the start of answering yes to the first - being a good mother starts with worry, leads with worry and ends with worry. It doesn't go away, they are born and a whole new set of worries creeps in, but that is what being a parent is all about. The trick is to not let it consume your life.

I think talking to other people about their birth stories is definitely a bad idea - some woman tried to tell me it wouldn't hurt at all, that she read a book and took a class and had a completely painless delivery - sure if you are able to meditate/focus/etc I bet it can be partially painless, but I thought she was totally nuts, so even the "good" stories of birth are not good ones for a FTM...lol! The thing is, you almost completely forget what you have been through the minute you hold that baby, it is the most rewarding thing in the world!
4/2008 8/2011

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February 13th, 2012, 11:57 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
Ashlee - your post rocks!!

Kaylee - Yes, labor will hurt but honestly it all fades away as your baby is so worth it!! My first labor (21 years ago) was 36 hours long and I still had another baby 15 months later! Every labor is different - I had 4 totally different experiences with each of my children. You will be able to handle it - you will be ok. And the first time you set eyes on your sweet baby none of the labor matters. The crazy love you feel for your baby is something that none of us will be able to explain to you.

You will make mistakes as a parent. I have made them along the way, none of us is perfect. You will be a good mom and more critical of yourself than anyone else will be.

The one suggestion I have for you when it comes to labor is to keep an open mind. Don't have this real strict birth plan written out and go with the flow.

((hugs)) You got this!!
LindseyE117 likes this.

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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February 13th, 2012, 12:05 PM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,756
Like everyone has said, all those fears are so normal. I think I spent the last couple months of my pregnancy worried out of my mind about all the things that could go wrong during labor. And even though I had a lot of complications at the end and nothing went as I planned, everything was perfectly fine and I couldn't be happier to have my little girl. And don't worry, you can do it, and you can handle the pain!

I agree that listening to people's birth stories can be a bad idea, but I think for me it really helped to learn a lot about the process of labor and about my options. And even though I had an ideal birth in mind, I was still flexible enough to go with the flow during labor, and I think having some knowledge helped me to not panic.

You will be a great mom!
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February 13th, 2012, 12:24 PM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,741
I agree with Missy. Too many people have a really strict birth plan and come out severely disappointed with the end results. It is always wonderful to have a birth plan, but always expect the unexpected. I am going into this one hoping for an epidural, but who knows? It could go by so quick I do not get one! Lol. Just try to enjoy the whole experience. Everyone experiences birth differently.

Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy!
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