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Feeling guilty :(

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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September 28th, 2012, 07:00 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,238
Well, I am going to be hitting the 33 week mark & I am so happy, but yet so sad. I am constantly feeling guilty that this baby is making it, when Daniel didn't.

There is no way in the world I'd want anything to happen to Annalise, but I feel like such a failure for not having been able to carry him to term and that I am now weeks away from holding her & I should be able to hold him too

If I try to explain this to anyone IRL, they'd probably tell me that I need to stop it & just be happy I'm able to have her.

Then on top of everything else, I feel guilty that I want her to be born now so I can stop the pregnancy worries already - I want to be able to hold her & know she's healthy and not worry about every moment that I can't feel her moving.

I really miss being young and naive & not knowing all the things that can go wrong

Thank you Katie (.:Shortcake:.) for my beautiful siggy!!

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September 28th, 2012, 08:03 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,971
I am so sorry. Guilt has no place in PAL...but I know it's there anyway. There is nothing wrong with wishing your daughter here already. I think it's pretty normal to just want them out so you can be sure, with your own eyes, that they are healthy and alive.

I can understand what you are saying about Daniel and how you feel guilty. But I know the rational part of you knows it's not your fault and there was nothing you could have done different to keep him. I am sorry you are kicking yourself when you are down. Try to be gentle with yourself. It is fabulous that Annalise is healthy and well. But I know having her won't replace the void you feel from Daniel. I hope that when she gets here, it does ease that guilty feeling.
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September 28th, 2012, 08:32 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,409
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. When I was pregnant with Jacob, once I hit 36 weeks, I wanted him to come everyday so I could hold him in my arms and stop worrying. thankfully he waited a while longer and came at 39 weeks and was healthy. So I think it is normal to want these little babies to get here so you can quit worrying, but they will come in their own time when they are ready. I'm praying that the time will fly by for you and you will be holding your sweet baby girl before you know it.

I am so sorry about Daniel and like Ashlee said there is nothing you did wrong. We are here for you and I can't wait until you are holding your little girl and posting beautiful pictures of her sweet smiling face.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy
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September 28th, 2012, 07:53 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,894
I feel that way alot...........would it be better for my baby to come now and spend 2mo in the nicu or continue on, constantly worrying about his safety. Sad we have to feel this way. I totally get what your saying though.
momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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September 28th, 2012, 08:34 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
I can empathize. I still wish I'd known to demand me progesterone when they tested my HCG with Gabriel and wish I'd been able to have my Gabriel. And then I feel guilty because it would be impossible to have had Sean.

It's ok and understandable to feel that way. I wish none of us had to ever experience a loss and to know that feeling.

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September 29th, 2012, 11:58 AM
tobi4's Avatar Tobi
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4,409
You are totally normal for feeling that way. Once Colton was born, he was about a week old and I remember sitting with him, holding him against my chest and just crying my eyes out because I loved him so so so much. And if my baby that I miscarried had lived, I would never have known my Colton. And I felt like I was betraying the memory of that baby, just thinking that way. Its so very difficult, the loss doesnt just end. It lasts throughout your life.
Mom to Colton,Megan, Caitlyn, Nick, Brandon and 2 angels.
BFP Dec 2010 hcg Dec 18 13dpo 58... Dec 20 15 dpo 190.4 (28 hr doubling)

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October 1st, 2012, 08:50 AM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,741
That is normal! Don't feel guilty! I mourn the babies I lost still, and then I feel bad that sometime I forget them because I am so happy with Layne.

Also towards the end of my pregnancy he was breech, I had too much fluid, my GD could deteriorate my placenta and kill him, and so on. I just wanted him safe in my arms but at the same time wanted to get far enough for him to be safe. Even at term he was a NICU baby.

Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy!
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