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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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November 18th, 2012, 03:56 PM
ninja_mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Oahu
Posts: 7,228
Considering we've all had losses I was wondering if you tell early or wait til a safe point? DH wants to wait and tell his family but I hate keeping it bottled up, especially because they have no idea why I act different after a loss. After having bleeding again today I debated telling all of them, whether DH wants to or not. Is that inconsiderate? I just don't think we are getting the support we need and deserve by keeping secrets at this point.
So what do you do?

Oct '11 June '12
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November 18th, 2012, 04:28 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 5,522
I do, I figure I would share if I lost, I will share if a I get pregnant. i also fel like if I don't tell, I am EXPECTING to miscarry and I would feel guilty if it's good.

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November 18th, 2012, 05:23 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,259
I waited till 6 weeks to share but we didnt tell everyone. We made it public around 12 weeks. We had 2 losses before this pregnancy and we lost one twin during this pregnancy. Only a few people know about the twin. I think not sharing seems safe but sharing is good too because then you have support. I would talk to your husband again before you decide.
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November 18th, 2012, 05:34 PM
zkat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,743
We wait until 9-10 weeks to tell but mainly because my MIL has a big mouth and my mom will drive me crazy with smothering.
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November 18th, 2012, 06:26 PM
Pleione's Avatar Momtographer
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 465
I'm so scared of something happening that I'm waiting until the end of the first trimester before I share. Then I'll feel moderately okay about the pregnancy.

Siggy by Vicki...

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November 19th, 2012, 09:46 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,513
We share almost right away with family and close friends. With both of my losses it was nice to have that support, I hated having to tell people about the losses, so we told our parents and let them tell everyone else, that way we didn't have to keep repeating. With my last loss I had announced it on FB at around 10 weeks and then had to write that we had had the loss, I was amazed at the outpouring of support. People that sent me stories about their own personal losses, etc.
4/2008 8/2011

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November 19th, 2012, 10:06 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,971
I think it's a really personal decision. I personally only share the news with my parents after I see the heartbeat. And then no one else until I am out of the first trimester (12 weeks). We are telling my extended family over thanksgiving this year.

BUT, I found it to be excruciating to have to spread the news of my loss back in 2010 (with my first loss). I did get support from people and it was not a "bad" experience, but i found that it made me repeat the news over and over again, which was hard for me. And some people said stupid things that hurt. I preferred to just wait after that, and rightly, since I had multiple losses to follow. I just found what works for me. I don't think either way is "right" or "wrong."
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November 19th, 2012, 10:11 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,408
We share right away with our family. I need their support early in pregnancy. However, I wouldn't tell your husband's family without his okay. I would talk to him and let him know how you are feeling and that you want to tell them.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy
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