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Hi Newbie here, Just got a bfp....excited but so scared

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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  • 2 Post By starchild26

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January 11th, 2013, 01:43 PM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2
Hi everyone. This is my first post... I don't know were to turn or who to talk to since I plan on keeping the bfp I got today on the dl. Hoping for some words of wisdom and encouragement from others who have been there or are going though pregnancy after a loss.
I have had 3 mcs in the past 4 years...late 2010 I got a bfp that was sticky! But that summer during labor I was rushed for an emcs and we lost our daughter due to a tight umbilical cord we were crushed and had not ttc since then till this September. We ttc with no luck and then during Christmas dh and I got new his bro and his gf are expecting.....I was happy and sooo miserable at the same time. Didn't want to even try anymore. As dh and I have bedn together ten years with 4 angel babe and they just started dating last year... but I was still happy even get her some unisex nightgowns forour baby stuff.
So about a week after the news...maybe not even a week I had a feeling I was pg. Thought I was crazy and just so upset I was making myself feel this way. Over the next 3weeks I had more symptoms. Even dh said it was in my head. But af was 3days late today and I tested and got the BFP I've been waiting for. But after 5mins of shock I began to get so nervous and thought about all the mcs and thdn my baby girl. I thought about the first time I got to see and hold her(she ready passed) and thought about the non stop pain I feel missing her. I started thinking "what the hell was I thinking? To want to go though this again!" I do know I want to be a mom....I've always known that. I just don't know how to handle this now. Last time around I was scared till I hit 12weeks now I'm gonna be scarrd....god forever. I so insure of myself and don't plan on telling any family till well into my second tri if I can. I'm scared my b-inlaw and his gf will think badly of me. Like we ttc because of them. But I think we got pg before we knew. I just don't know how or what to feel. One min I'm happy the next in tears...and I know its a long road.hopefully someone out there will have so words for me. Thank u for reading my rant. Hope everyone is having a blessed day.
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January 13th, 2013, 05:08 AM
Papasgirl's Avatar Down Syndrome Pregnancy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 4,498
I cannot even imagine the pain you must be feeling for the loss of your little girl. My heart truly breaks for you. I am so very sorry for ALL of your losses. I do know how hard it is to suffer early losses. I had three consecutive early losses in 2012. We got our bfp on 12/14 and instantly i became fearful. The fear actually over took the joy and it has remained that way. I have yet to wake up with this pregnancy, excited that I am pregnant. Instead, I literally wake up EVERY SINGLE DAY thinking "is this the day I will lose my baby?" The point is, I don't think you will ever get over the fear and the worry. the only thing we can do is just go along day by day and have faith that it will work out. I am praying for you and all of your angel babies and for this new one growing. I wish you all the best and want to say
Stefanie, Wife to Paul, Mom to cailyn (15), caleigh (14), cameron (13) christopher (10), Lilly (5), Emma(4) and Staci (2) 3/12/12 5/9/12 7/05/2012 1/24/13

Baby Girl Anastasia is my Rainbow!! Diagnosed with T21...
We will journey together
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January 13th, 2013, 08:36 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Hugs and welcome. I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter on top of the miscarriages It is totally normal to feel everything you are feeling, after what you have been through, which is more than any woman should have to bear. I think getting to 12 weeks will be hard like it was before, and late pregnancy (I hope and believe you will get there!) will be very hard too. You are in the right place here to get support and share your feelings with ladies who can understand them. I hope you will stay around, I have been helped so much by this and other loss boards. If nothing else, you will not feel alone.

I hope your doctor or OB knows all about your history and will be sensitive to your needs. Many women who are pregnant after loss are helped a lot by getting more scans and/or heartbeat checks than the OB would normally do. It can help put your mind at ease when you are getting scared something is wrong.

Welcome again and oh yeah, No matter what happens tomorrow, today you are pregnant, and that is great!!!!! I hope this will be your rainbow baby after the storm!

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January 13th, 2013, 12:34 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,913
I am so so sorry you had to go through those losses, especially with your precious daughter being born still. How awful, I just can't fathom the emotions you must feel because of that.
Fear is very natural and normal, and all of us have felt or are feeling fear now with pregnancy. I don't think there's anything you can do to NOT be afraid, you can try to minimize it as much as possible but it will be there. Especially with such a loss late in gestation. You might consider getting some counseling to help support you emotionally during the pregnancy. And look into relaxation techniques and what you can take as far as herbs that would help calm you--chamomile for sure!
For almost the whole first trimester, I was just waiting to lose this pregnancy too. I even would get mad that it was taking so long and making it a drawn out process. I just wanted it to be over if it was going to end. You may feel like that even later in pregnancy. But you will have plenty of time to bond with your little one after you give birth--there are definitely women who don't ever get excited until that day. They don't believe it will really happen until they are holding that baby in their arms.

And don't worry about your bro in law and his gf, I bet they will only be happy for you!

Congratulations on your little bean and I wish you all the best!

Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
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January 14th, 2013, 07:07 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,409
I am so sorry for what you have been through, losing your baby girl and your losses. It is natural to be scared during a pregnancy after a loss. I would definitely make sure your dr completely understand what you have been through and it may even be the same dr who was with you through your still birth. For me my dr was a source of hope during my pregnancy after my loss and without him I don't think I could have made it through my last pregnancy. He helped to give me reassurance. Please know that we are here for you and I hope you stay with us for you entire 9 months. Praying for a happy and healthy pregnancy and a healthy rainbow baby for you and your husband.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy
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January 14th, 2013, 12:22 PM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2
Oh thank-you so much everyone! It feels so nice to know there are others who understand the fear of being pregnant again. I'm trying so hard to take this one day at a time. As for my doctor, I moved out of state after we lost Lianna (our daughter) so ill be getting a new doctor, hopefully they will be understanding. Like I say before I know its gonna be a long road but I plan on sticking around. I KOWN this September ill get to meet the little miracle growing in my belly. Thanl you all again. I don't feel so alone now. I will check in soon. Hope everyone is having a blessed day!
martilynne and EverydayJoy like this.
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January 14th, 2013, 07:22 PM
martilynne's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 12,987
Sorry for your losses and congrats on your pregnancy!

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January 15th, 2013, 09:16 AM
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 178
Congratulations! Those fears are so normal and so understandable! I have them and in my case all my losses have been early, I can only imagine how much more intense it is after a later loss. ((HUGS)) Hopefully as the pregnancy progresses and you get reassurance that everything is going as it should, your anxiety will let up. I hope you are able to find a doctor who is sympathetic to your history and willing to monitor you and baby as closely as it makes you feel comfortable to be monitored!
Cathy - mom to:
Bailey (age 9)
miscarriage Feb 06
Elli (age 4)
miscarriage Sept 09
Audrey (age 2)
miscarriage Aug 12
Baby #4 - BOY!!! - due Aug 31, 2013
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