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mental health after a loss

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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April 4th, 2013, 06:10 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,259
I have had 2 miscarriages and the loss of the twin during this pregnancy. I only have eight weeks left but baby girl might come out early since she is not growing. Lately i have been struggling with loosing the twin but having this baby. My emotions have gone back and forth between i love her so much and i cant wait to hold her to maybe she would have been happier going with her twin. I feel terrible for not being completely excited to have her. There are days i love being pregnant and days i want her out so bad. Has anyone questioned if they needed proffesional mental help after a loss? If so did you get help and did it work?
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April 4th, 2013, 07:09 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,513
I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. I know there are plenty of ladies that have gone through it, I don't have any advice, but I would talk to your doc. There are therapists that specialize specifically in this kind of thing. My doctor told me about a friend of hers that does.

I hope you can find someone that can help you, so you feel better about your feelings. I think many of us have trouble getting attached with a baby after a loss, until the baby is in our arms. I believe because we just expect the worst sometimes after going through something like a loss.

4/2008 8/2011

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April 4th, 2013, 08:58 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,407
I'm so sorry that you are having a difficult time. I had a really hard time after my loss and I didn't do counseling with a professional but I did counseling with my preacher and it helped me so much. I could talk to him about my feelings which really helped.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy
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April 4th, 2013, 12:00 PM
mmllhh's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,637
Honey, you have been on an emotional rollercoaster. I'd think something was wrong with you if you weren't have strange emotions. Go talk to someone. Therapy is great and I recommend it for anyone going thru this. I went to see someone a while back because I had weird anger at my husband because of our losses. Turns out, totally normal. So go, talk to someone, get your feelings out there in an environment where no one is going to judge you. It'll be the best thing you do for yourself and that precious little baby of yours.

Forever Missing Our Ten Angels
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April 4th, 2013, 12:17 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,913
I have thought many times about getting therapy after last year's m/c but just haven't followed up on it. Our insurance changed and so I can't go and see the therapist I already know, they dont' take my insurance. So I didn't really want to start over with someone new, and also hard to plan for time for someone to watch Ethan with DH gone so much. But I think therapy after a loss would be really helpful.

I bet your feelings are normal, too.
I have a girl friend who lost a twin as well, she said her emotions would be all over the place, feeling so much love for her baby that lived but at the same time, crying over the one she lost. She said that after her live twin was born, it restarted the grieving process for the one she lost. I wonder if your feelings are getting more intense now because soon, you will hold the live twin, but soon too will be the reminder that one of them died, when you are only holding one in your arms.
I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to try to allow yourself to feel whatever you need to, without criticizing or judging or censoring yourself. The feelings we feel after a loss may not always be logical or make sense. But they're there for a reason. Loss affects us deeply, and while you have the joy of a new baby coming soon, you also still carry the deep sadness of losing that baby's sibling.
You can look online for support groups too, I found one so I'll post it here:
Maybe hearing what other moms have gone through will help you feel better about what you're feeling right now.

Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
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April 4th, 2013, 12:52 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 9,810
I continue to consider finding a therapist to deal with both the losses and the tremendous amount of anxiety I have with this pregnancy. I don't honestly consider it normal levels of anxiety, which worries me (ironic huh?). I just haven't had the energy yet to go research and find someone, but it is something I think frequently about doing.

Savannah Stylin!

Remembered Forever with Love
10/13/2008 (@9w2d) 10/18/2011 (@8w5d) 2/12/2012 (@4w3d) 8/13/2012 (@10w3d)
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April 4th, 2013, 01:25 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,259
Thank you ladies. I never miscarried the twin but most of him dissapeared. I really want to hold my little girl but im not ready to let go of the twin. I will definatly be talking to someone about all this, i need to let it all out. The hardest part is is that if she does come early it could be next weekend that i have her. I thought i had more time but if she fails her ultrasound then out she comes.
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