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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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  • 1 Post By EverydayJoy
  • 2 Post By melissalaw
  • 2 Post By MoonAngel702
  • 2 Post By MelChicago
  • 1 Post By AnnaBonana
  • 1 Post By lelila
  • 1 Post By EverydayJoy

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April 25th, 2014, 09:23 AM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,915
We have already talked about how people are so good at spewing word vomit, usually at the worst times (not like there is ever a good time for it). Well on Easter we went over to DH's sister's house for a small family get-together. SIL's husband kept saying "Toren looks so angry. Toren has a naturally angry face. All his pictures online always look so pissed-off. He's a serious baby." He repeated that [email protected] over and over and over! It really upset me and gave me an anxiety attack. I had to leave so of course Toren and DH left with me, before we even got to eat. I felt bad for leaving so early but I couldn't handle it. I was starting to sweat and shake. There was even a point when I stood up that I felt light headed and my vision went a little foggy. Of course no one understood why we only stayed for a little over an hour. I just want to set the record straight.... Toren is an awesome baby!! He might not be perfect in other people's opinion, but to me he is everything I've ever wanted and more! And yes he does make "serious" and "angry" faces but it's because he is very focused and observant on the world around him. He's very smart, maybe even genius. If there was a baby IQ test I know he would amaze people. Plus I absolutely LOVE his little faces!! He's so silly and expressive. He wears his heart on his sleeve. You can always tell what he's thinking or the mood he's in... but maybe YOU can't... maybe it's a mommy instinct, me being in tune or perfectly in sync with each other. UGH!!!! and here I am 5 days later and still upset about it.

Has anyone else had any rude comments since having their baby?

What about you pregnant ladies? Any rude people saying stupid stuff to y'all recently?

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April 25th, 2014, 09:35 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,913
Wow! That is really rude! I'm sorry you had that happen. People are soooo insensitive sometimes.
I can't think of anything anyone has said to me at the moment that compares with that, but I know that little things can rankle sometimes. Yesterday I was at the library and an older librarian was talking to my son, who loves to talk to anyone and everyone (he's 4). He was talking about running through the house with his flag (he likes to pretend he's driving a monster truck). And she said, "You run in the house?" and looked at me. I wasn't sure what to say, because, who cares, you know? But I said "We bend the rules sometimes". She said to Ethan, "Oh, well on rainy days like today, it's ok, but when it gets sunny, running is for outside."
It just bugged me because, who is she to tell my kid what the rules are at my house? I know she's old and back in the day, maybe running was not ok, but we live in an apartment complex, so I can't exactly just open the door and tell him, go run! So he gets to run inside.

I have never seen any of your pictures and thought, "He looks angry". I have thought, yes, he looks serious, but not angry or ill-tempered. Just serious, thoughtful, concentrating, etc. And he has so many smiley pics too! Your BIL was just way off the mark. And yes, I do believe that moms have a special insight into their babies' personality. Even husbands don't share the level of insight we have. We spend every waking (and sleeping too, hah) moment with them, we ought to know a thing or two!
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April 25th, 2014, 10:37 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,409
I hate it when people have foot in mouth disease. I haven't had many rude comments about Christian but with Jacob I got them alot. Jacob had colic and cried all the time and of course it was because I was doing something wrong. I can't tell you the number of people that told me that I should stop breastfeeding and feed him formula because my breastmilk is making him cry all the time. Drove me nuts. I finally had enough and started telling people off anytime they said anything negative about me or my baby. Pissed off alot of people but I was fed up with all their crap.

I talked to his dr and I changed my diet which didn't help. he just eventually had to grow out of it and we continued our breastfeeding relationship until he was 14 months old. It seems when you have a child everybody else knows better than you his mother.

toren is a precious child and anybody that would say otherwise well they can just go where the sun doesn't shine. I'm so sorry that you had an anxiety attack and that your still upset about it. Don't let anybody tell you that your child is any less than perfect because he is absolutely perfect as all of our children are. They may not be perfect in others eyes but in our eyes they are wonderful blessings that we are so lucky to have.
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April 25th, 2014, 12:38 PM
MoonAngel702's Avatar ~Staying Positive~
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Nevada
Posts: 2,594
I totally get where you are coming from, Amy. I know some people like that that say things...and keep saying them...and they are rude and hurtful w/o even realizing they are being that way. I've had that happen to me lots of times in my life over various things (can't think off the top of my head but I know it's happened). And I'm sure there will be times after baby is here that it will happen and I know I would feel exactly like you do, especially when it comes to your baby! Even though the person doesn't realize they are being hurtful or even trying to be, doesn't make the things they say hurt any less. You just have to try to brush it off. But I am the same way. I let things people say get to me even when I know I shouldn't. Your precious baby boy is just the cutest and it's annoying that the person had nothing but negative things to say about sweet little Toren. That's so ridiculous! And I don't think he looks angry at all. I've never once thought that. I LOVE his facial expressions! He is the sweetest!
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April 25th, 2014, 02:01 PM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,734
What a jerk. Your BIL can just *** off.

Toren is absolutely precious and I love his sweet little expressions. It's awesome when he's focused on something and learning and developing his understanding. He's clearly very smart.

I completely understand being so upset, and especially when it seems like there's not much you can do about it. Even saying something calm to the jerk like "That's not nice. Why are you saying these things?" would likely backfire and make you frustrated.

I got a comment a few weeks ago that I think I already shared here, but I will again- someone told me "Wow, it looks like you're going to have a lot of milk." Um, thanks?
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April 25th, 2014, 03:47 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,915
OMG Mel.... *shakes head* lol.

Thank you ladies, y'all are very, very sweet. I'm glad you ladies understand where I'm coming from. I need to work on not letting the stupid things people say bother me so much. I've always been bad about carrying it with me and letting the rude comment people say bother me for much longer than it should.

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April 25th, 2014, 07:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,325
Yeah, she needs to can it. I love his faces! And I have a serious baby too.. I'm assuming, like you, that it simply means they are genius!

I was talking about the birth with one of my friends the other day and said something about the time it took to push. I was pushing for two hours to have Isabell and my friend said "Two hours? You suck, I was able to push my DD out in twenty minutes!"

Um, really?my child weighed 9 pounds eleven ounces, hers was seven and she had an episiotomy and a vacuum suction!

And really, who compares these things?!

It was such a stupid comment it didn't even irritate me, just made me shake my head.
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April 25th, 2014, 07:29 PM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,235
He looks angry? It's just a face he is making! He doesn't look like anything, he's just a baby!

I'm sorry your BIL doesn't have a better filter. It was rude and I wish it hadn't upset you so much so that it spoiled your day and week.
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April 25th, 2014, 07:30 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
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Hah! So she had a vacuum suction and an episiotomy, yet it only "took" her 20 minutes? I'd like to see how long it would have taken her if she had had to do it all herself! 2 hours is not bad at all for pushing. And besides, who cares? It takes as long as it takes, you can't make it go faster, really. Unless they drag the baby outta there, that is. Pfft!
With Kody, I believe it took me about an hour and a half of pushing to get him out. Funny how it seems like the time during pushing is so warped...it seems like it takes FOREVER (at least, when you don't have drugs, it does), but when they tell you later how long you were actually pushing it doesn't seem like it was THAT long. I would have said 45 minutes for him, but nope...twice that long.
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April 26th, 2014, 05:09 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,249
Hugs sweetie. What a crappy way to spend time with family (or anyone). I know Toren makes some serious faces, but he also has some funny faces. And they're all cute goshdarnit! I know it's hard, but try to just put his words behind you. Don't give them anymore of your time. I know it's hard to do. Spend your time making faces with sweet little Toren. We can't wait to see more pics of him.

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