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Am I a mean wife?

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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  • 1 Post By CLS2616

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June 25th, 2014, 10:49 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 2,283
My husband plans in a golf tournament every year, it's this Saturday. He told the guys he plays with several weeks ago that he would not be able to play. His friend called him the other day to tell him his spot was still open if he wanted to play, they couldn't find anyone to take his spot. My husband really wanted to go, I could tell because I THINK he has been testing me to see if I'd just tell him to go ahead and play. He has been bringing it up here and there, I never respond to it. lol

So the day before yesterday he tells me how his friend said his spot was still open and asked me if he could play and wanted me to let him know by yesterday evening. After all the drama with Harlow and the Emergency room on Monday, then she had another little gagging fit last night (nothing crazy) I just hadn't thought much about golf. Chris gets home from work yesterday and asks me if I made a decision, I just got aggravated and said "you know I prefer you not to go, you already told Nick no you couldn't play because you'd have a newborn a 3 year old and a wife that just had major surgery at home, it's not fair that your now making me make the decision for you and I'm not going to do it. Do what you want" he went to his cell and I could tell he sent a text but I didn't ask about it and I didn't speak to him for the rest of the night (other than the necessary communication about our kids), I barely spoke to him this morning because I'm so annoyed. He left for work this morning and I just got a text saying "i'm not playing Saturday" and that's all it said.

I NEVER tell him he can't do something, he never tells me I can't do something, he has his golfing hobby and I do my thing with my girlfriends when I want (it's rare but I do sometimes lol)

I don't know why I'm feeling bad about this but I am LOL I also think that there is no reason he should be golfing this soon after baby, my mom has to work and can't come over and sit with me but that's really not the point. Chris should be home with me when he doesn't have to work! I need help! I can't lift anything heavier than 10lbs, I can't drive, I think he should be home.

Should I be feeling bad about this???
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June 25th, 2014, 10:56 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,513
I think because of your restrictions, it isn't unfair of you to ask him to help you by staying home. And because of the scare with Harlow the other night. However, if the above weren't so, I'd say let him play, then tell him you want some time to yourself...haha!
4/2008 8/2011

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June 25th, 2014, 11:36 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,913
I don't think you're being mean at all. I think what you said was right. You already told him you didn't want him to go, you are incapacitated right now, and you need help with stuff. Especially with a 3 year old around! Now, if he wanted to call a friend to come take care of you, and then arrange for someone to watch the 3 year old while he's gone, then fine...but if you're going to be alone, then no way.

Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
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June 25th, 2014, 12:18 PM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,734
No, you're not being mean. He knows- and knew before he asked- what is the right thing to do, and if anything he was being lame for putting you in the position of being the bad guy. Don't feel a moment's guilt over it.
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June 25th, 2014, 01:12 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 2,283
Thx. I was telling my mom about it and she didn't really have anything to say about it which us usually means she thinks I'm being ridiculous or doesn't agree. Glad I asked you all or I'd be feeling pretty bad right now.
EverydayJoy likes this.
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June 25th, 2014, 04:29 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,249
I agree, I wouldn't feel bad about it if I were you. You need the help right now, recovering from a c/s is (or was for me) horrendous. I hope he comes around soon and doesn't try to hold a grudge about it. Hugs.

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June 25th, 2014, 05:05 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,915
You're fine, don't worry

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