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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
February 19th, 2016, 01:07 PM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,235
My Brother and his wife were married 14 years and never wanted any children when we told them we were pregnant with our first baby. A year later, they were pregnant with their daughter and they swore, only child. 3 years ago we told them we were expecting again and suddenly, they were trying again. They have been unsuccessful. My brother is 50 and my SIL is in her mid 40s.

I call and write, send gifts for my niece's birthday and Christmas and we've visited several times. But they don't reciprocate. They never call or write anymore and have visited just once, 5 years ago. When we had baby #2, they didn't even acknowledge his birth with a phone call. Since then, neither child has received a birthday or Christmas present. They don't acknowledge any presents we send to their child.


Do I confront them on this? or let it go and stop wasting my time and money?
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Leia 42 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 41
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #2  
February 23rd, 2016, 01:44 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,513
That is awful. Are they just bad at sending gifts/remembering dates? The not acknowledging that you send things is terrible though. I would not necessarily stop because it's for your niece, but I'm not sure. Is she taken care of, do they get her things, etc? If not, I would still send her stuff, but I don't know. I might send a text or email and say, hey, just checking that she got her gift we sent.
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  #3  
February 23rd, 2016, 05:07 PM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,235
They lavish her with gifts. I email and ask if a present has been received and I get a response saying it has arrived, but no thank you.

I spoke to my father recently and found out that he has never received a thank you for the presents he has sent or even a picture of his granddaughter playing with the dolls, dollhouses, toys, etc or a picture of her wearing the clothes or a picture period.


Maybe it's not just us.
__________________
Leia 42 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 41
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #4  
March 27th, 2016, 10:36 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,913
I wouldn't send anything else, if it was me. I doubt your neice even knows it's from you. Very rude!!
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  #5  
March 27th, 2016, 10:47 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,265
I'm going to mention the other possibility. They may be sad that they can't grow their family. It may be too painful to acknowledge your beautiful family? Not that it makes it okay. I would just think about that possibility. Infertility has a way of really screwing up perceptions. Ex: It's always been hard for me to go to baby showers since my mc's. Now I have a healthy toddler and another on the way, but I still have a hard time with baby showers. Just throwing this possibility out there...
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  #6  
March 28th, 2016, 04:55 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunrise View Post
I'm going to mention the other possibility. They may be sad that they can't grow their family. It may be too painful to acknowledge your beautiful family? ...
I considered that. I too am bitter when I see others, especially friends of mine who can't afford children, have rat/flea infested houses, poor priority, etc getting pregnant without even trying. My SIL who is about as clueless as they come, is pregnant with #2. They've had two losses themselves and yet she still eats sushi, a deli sandwich every day for lunch and never exercises, not even a walk after dinner. I get angry about that. But I still play with her daughter and give her a gift at every holiday.


But I understand what you are saying.
__________________
Leia 42 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 41
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #7  
March 28th, 2016, 02:12 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,265
Yeah it's definitely not an "excuse" for the behavior.
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