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Afraid to buy things

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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August 22nd, 2006, 06:17 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New Jersey
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So I'm about 25 weeks now and things have thank goodness been going very well this time around. Everyone keeps asking me if I've started to get the baby's room ready or buy things and while I've thought about what I'm going to do all the time and pretty much have the nursery planned in my head I haven't actually bought anything yet. I kind of came to the realization the other night that I'm kind of afraid to start buying things. I don't know if I think that if I buy something for the baby it will jinx things or what it is but I'm really nervous to even buy one thing. A lot of women in my DDC have already bought furniture, decorated the nursery, bought a ton of clothes and all other things and I've done nothing out of fear. Was anyone else like this? I know I'm only going to get bigger so this is a good time to do things slowly but I'm just scared.

<span style="color:#333399">JACK MATTHEW BORN NOVEMBER 25TH AT 4:39PM WEIGHING 7LBS 11OZ, 20.5 INCHES

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August 22nd, 2006, 06:30 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,175
I might have been odd, but the only thing that got me past my fear was actually going out and buying stuff for the baby. We bought our crib at 13 weeks, because it kept us hopeful and looking ahead. Everyone is different. Our thought was, its going to suck losing the baby whether I have a crib or not. I finally felt comfortable with setting up the nursery and washing clothes after the 24th week, when I knew our peanut had a chance. Don't worry about it, you'll know when it feels right.

Lucky mother to five!

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August 22nd, 2006, 06:45 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: New Brunswick Canada
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I may be weird but with my dd (who I had before my m/c) I only started buying things for the baby when I was 32 weeks. With this one I've already started picking things up.
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August 22nd, 2006, 08:51 AM
Posts: n/a
I went through that. I had to return stuff after I lost my baby last year so I was very sensitive to buying stuff this time around. I started around 20 weeks or so and started slow. When I was about 30ish weeks I realized I needed to get the rest done before I got to big and uncomfortable to go shopping!

I worried right up to the drive to the hospital that something would happen. Only after the contractions were hurting so bad did I stop worrying. Then after she was born I continued to worry! You think it will stop after they are born but it doesn't. You then have a whole new set of worries.

I say go start buying some things. Your chances of having a healthy baby are very very very good. Start small, buy a few outfits, then start getting the bigger stuff.

Everything will be fine!
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August 22nd, 2006, 09:20 AM
Ethans_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Arizona!
Posts: 2,717
I agree with Susan! Start small. Then, if youre like me, you'll love the shopping and go crazy! I didnt buy ANYTHING til I was 36 weeks and Old Navy and Childrens Place had a huge sale one weekend. Not knowing what the sex of our baby was, I went crazy and bought a ton of little girl outfits (just in case it was a girl) and quite a few boy outfits too- since we had Ethans hand-me-downs, I didnt need too many, but some were too cute to pass up! I went from being too afraid things would be jinxed to spending a few hundred dollars at 2 stores!
But thats all I bought- and now I must admit I do feel a sense of urgency to get the nursery together. Leah is 2 weeks old and I stiil dont have crib bedding!
So start small, and you'll warm up to the idea that things will be ok.
Have fun!
<div align="center">Stephanie aka "Queen of the Universe" Mommy to Ethan and Leah

<div align='center'> </div>
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August 22nd, 2006, 09:25 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,708
I am with you. I am 21 weeks and have not purchased a thing for the baby or nursery yet. I have looked, have not made decisions, but still am terrified to buy anything. I am not sure when the fear will go away, but I know soon I will have to start making decisions.
4 Angels in Heaven - March 2005, January 2006, January 2008, August 2008

Stella Rae - May 22, 2009, 7lb 3oz, 20in and 4 weeks early!!!

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August 22nd, 2006, 10:18 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
I'm sticking to diapers and wipes for now. That way we'll have plenty when baby gets here or if for some reason we lose another one, we can always donate the diapers/wipes to a local women's shelter. I won't buy anything that I would associate to a specific baby. That will happen probably after 32 weeks.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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August 22nd, 2006, 10:19 AM
Posts: n/a
Yah. I was the same way... It took me a lot to go out and buy things for Erich... and then I only got a few things. I didn't even have things ready for him when he was born!!
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August 22nd, 2006, 10:41 AM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,783
Like Marie, I got over the fear of buying things once I bought the first items. The first thing I bought was the crib and dresser/change table and I was very freaked out about making the purchase. I thought I was jinxing things. But after that I had no problems buying all the other things and, in fact, I really enjoyed doing it.

What you are feeling is normal. If you can't get yourself to buy anything before the baby comes that's fine too.

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August 22nd, 2006, 02:37 PM
koakoba's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,063
I've been too afraid to buy anything really. I have a car seat, bath robe and tub and about 6 outfits. I've worked on this collection my whole pregnancy. I cannot tell you how many times I have just walked through the baby store, and left empty handed. I started to panic about it all because I am getting closer, so I am going to get diapers, wipes, shampoo, and a bassinette, and the rest I don't need right away anyway, so I'm not going to worry about it.

Stressful, isn't it? We will get there, and remember, there is not a whole lot they NEED right away anyway.
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August 22nd, 2006, 06:37 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
I'm weird.

i was too afraid to buy anything - but MADE myself buy things, as a way to make myself believe this pregnancy was going to be a good one, and that the end result was going to be me bringing a healthy bubby home.

I bought the carseat at 10w, and then the pushchair/pram/stroller at 16w, and got my sisters bassinet from her storage unit, around 20w...................

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August 23rd, 2006, 06:04 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New Jersey
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Thank you all for the advice -- I'm going to register this weekend and begin looking at furniture so maybe I'll pick up something small while I'm registering just to get started. Like it was said, I think I need to do something to make myself believe things are going to be okay. Thanks ladies!!

<span style="color:#333399">JACK MATTHEW BORN NOVEMBER 25TH AT 4:39PM WEIGHING 7LBS 11OZ, 20.5 INCHES

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August 23rd, 2006, 03:03 PM
mrs_catty_marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: WA
Posts: 5,939
Yes it was hard. DH and I had to buy a new crib and once it was set up we just sat there and cried. The first time buying clothes was hard too. But now I can look at the crib and see the future. I knew it was going to be hard though, so I decided I might as well get it done with.


Ectopic Pregnancy 01/30/06. One tube wonder!
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August 25th, 2006, 02:09 AM
SwedenGirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,255
We have everything in our attic so we don't need to buy anything per se, but we need to tear down wallpaper in the baby's room, repaint, and set up the nursery. I won't do any of that until December, when I have about 15 weeks to go and the baby has a chance at living. I just don't think I could handle having an empty nursery if something should happen.
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August 27th, 2006, 02:55 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I won't really need to buy anything either, since I was 38 weeks and in prelabor when we lost Cora. We still have everything that I bought for Cora. Some of the stuff got returned, but most of the big things we kept. I won't be buying anything at all until we find out the gender of our next baby (hehehe, listen to me, talking like I'm pregnant already!). We still have all the clothes we bought for Cora, so if the next one is a girl, we won't really have to buy clothes either.

I desperately hope the next one is a girl. I really don't want to have to box up those girl clothes without using them. I can't stand the idea. They're all still in the dresser....
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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September 1st, 2006, 01:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
I didn't even have things ready for him when he was born!![/b]
I was this way too. When my DS was born June 9, I literally had only a bassinett and some outfits. I didn't even have a car seat to bring him home until my mother came the day he came home. Fortunately my mother wasn't as afraid to shop and she had everything else he needed. I had purchased things with each of my losses and then lost the baby so I didn't want to jinx anything but now I look back and think I was being silly. My real issue was purchasing maternity clothing. I didn't buy many things because I thought if I did I would definitely lose my baby.

The fear is normal. If you buy things it makes it personal and forms an attachment and I think that is what we avoid. After all, if you are not attached it doesn't hurt as much right?

I think you should make a date to go on a shopping spree and treat yourself!! Get attached and find some really cute things, look at them and imagine your baby wearing them, wash them, fold them and put them away to await his arrival!!

visit my blog Rhondas random thoughts
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