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should I tell?

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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October 15th, 2006, 07:23 PM
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 1
I had a miscarriage back in May. My husband and I had just found out we were expecting, and it broke both of our hearts when it happened. We didn't even have time to tell any of our family that I was pregnant. Now I'm pregnant again. I'm so afraid I'm going to have another miscarriage. I'm further along now then I was before, but you never know if it's going to happen again. My husband really wants to tell his family that we're expecting, but I don't think I could deal with everyone knowing if I have another miscarriage. I'm starting my seventh week right now, and I think it's too soon to tell anyone. How long should I make him wait before I let him go wild with the news?
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October 15th, 2006, 07:39 PM
alteregoeleanore's Avatar Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: wherever my Honeybun and babies are! :)
Posts: 38
First of all, I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby in May.

Second, HUGE congrats on your new baby!! YAY!!

Only you will know how long is long enough to wait before sharing such great news! I understand what you are feeling--have been there myself, and hopefully will be again!! In my case, my DH and I will tell our kids as soon as we know, but then we will keep it a family secret--likely until I hit my second trimester. My first miscarriage was at 7 weeks and my second was at 10 weeks.

Anyway, again, and take good care!

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October 15th, 2006, 08:09 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Oh hun - only you will know when it is right for you. I may be the wrong person to ask though - I am over 16 weeks now & still don't feel comfortable in telling Dh just told his mom today - and I was leary of that. I just think we each have to do what is right for us & appraently in my case I am letting people figure it out for themselves as I'm starting to show. My biggest concern is that I don't want to talk about it to everyone - or have them calling & asking & once I tell - it's out there & that is exactly what will happen. You jsut have to decide what you want & go from there. Best wishes!
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
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A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
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God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
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October 15th, 2006, 08:33 PM
wclark602002's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,464
im sorry for you loss and i pray this one goes ok..congrats on your BFP and i agree with e monkey only you will know when the time is rite..we were about 16 weeks when we decided to tell and i didnt want to then because our loss was at 19 weeks but i was showing and i couldnt hide it any longer.just do what feels rite for you and youll do fine..hugs and much love and lots of sticky baby dust to you!!!
Wendimarried to my soulmate and mama to 4 great kiddos & 1 sweet angel

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October 15th, 2006, 09:21 PM
MomE212's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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All these ladies are right. You will know when it is time. Cangrats on your new Bundle on the way.
<span style="font-family:Tahoma"> Jeremiah Alexander(My Little BullFrog)</span></span>

I have been Hit by the the 2006 Snowball: MarineWife906 2, Tatfox 1, mommyagain 1, doornail_dorothy 1Surprise Mama 1,<span style="color:#CC0000"> lydsnrobs1stbaby 1
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October 15th, 2006, 11:22 PM
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I still don't feel right telling everyone yet and I am about 12 weeks. I am to scared to yet. But dh told him family, im just chicken to tell mine, when the time comes to tell you will just know, its hard to explain but hope all goes well.
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October 16th, 2006, 12:58 AM
Kiwi*Mummie*of*4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 3,818
I am sorry for your loss in May.


I have had two misscarriages and with the last misscarriage I didnt want to tell anyone until I was further along. However my mum and sister new straight away because we live with them and I told my other sister a few weeks later but didnt tell the children for a long time as I new it would be hard on them if I lost this baby. Mostly everyone knows now but there are still a few aunties who have no idea. I think you will know when the time is right for you to tell other people.

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October 16th, 2006, 01:06 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I didn't have a miscarriage with my loss, so I'm not really as worried as I thought I would be. I know I'll be getting anxious the closer I get to 38 weeks (when I lost Cora)

However, I'm not telling my parents yet. My mother took Cora's death really really hard, and I don't want to tell her I'm pg early just to miscarry. I'll tell them later...sometime...

Good luck sweetie! Congrats on your bfp and lots of sticky dust!!
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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October 16th, 2006, 09:05 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
We told family and a few friends immediately with our first angel and then had to turn around less than a week later and tell them about the m/c. We waited longer with the second angel, but not long enough. This time we waited until about 10 weeks, because doc confirmed this one is working and I'd been showing for several weeks already.

You just have to do what makes you most comfortable, even if you think waiting will upset others. Ultimately your feelings are the only ones that truly matter, so do what's best for you.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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October 16th, 2006, 11:09 AM
tdjjjjf's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 1,060
Congratulations on your BFP!! I am sorry for the loss you suffered. We are not announcing the news until Christmas, and then I will be 16 weeks. My one m/c my children took it extremely hard and I don't want to put them through that again. I too hate the thought of telling everyone the news and then turning right around to say I lost it. It is too hard. You will know when the time is right. Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months!!!

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October 16th, 2006, 02:35 PM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,783
First of all, I am sorry for you loss. And second, congrats on the BFP!

I think only you can know when the right time to tell people is. I told my mom right away with this pg and waited to tell DH's family and my friends until 12/13 weeks once I was out of the first trimester and once I got to hear the heartbeat. I kind of told people one at a time as I became comfortable. People that I would want to support me if I had another mc, like my mom and best friend, I told earlier while others whom I would hate to have to call or worse run into a few months later and have to explain about another mc, I waited longer to tell.

Dh and I compromised on when to tell his parents and it turns out that DH told a number of his friends way before I wanted anyone to know. I was pretty furious with him at the time.

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