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hard for dh to be excited

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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December 10th, 2006, 08:24 AM
Mom2MacyandDru's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 5,798
I havent posted here in a while so I will re introduce myself. I am pregnant for the 5th time and we have one ds here with us. (2yr old). We lost our 2nd son in march at 23 wks and then our 3rd loss in aug. m/c. So.... With this pregnancy I feel like dh is not excited at all for fear something will happen again. Even when I show him u/s pics he doesnt really have any comments he just looks and then that is it. I know deep down he is excited and we want another baby so badly, but getting attached only to go through a loss is just too hard. So I just hate that we cant even share in this very special time in our lives for fear something will go wrong. That just doesnt seem fair??? Well thanks for letting me get all of that out.

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December 10th, 2006, 08:40 AM
missmindy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Twentynine Palms, CA
Posts: 2,249
I'm sorry your dh is having such a hard time. But, I'm sure he will start to come around. I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you, just hang in there.
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December 10th, 2006, 12:47 PM
Kiwi*Mummie*of*4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 3,818
I am not sure what advice to give to you. From my own experience. When I misscarried our two angel babies my hubby tried to bestrong for me and I didnt reaslies that he too was hurting so much to the point that he would go to another room and cry as he didnt want me to see his grief. When we got pregnant with this baby he was excited but didnt show too much emotion and I figured it was his way of dealing with this pregnancy and the possibility of another loss. I know he loves this baby and he is so excited for this baby but I think he is just trying to protect himself in a way in case something was to happen. I hope that makes sense.

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December 10th, 2006, 02:39 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I think I can understand where your DH is coming from. After all, you have more experience with losing than with keeping, since you only have Dru here with you.

Getting to 23wk before losing Dax must have been more of a blow, since it was past that *magical* point where you're supposed to be safe, too.

I'm doing the same thing myself. I've got days where I'm really excited, but most of the time I'm just cautious. I don't know, try not to push him to hard. You guys have been through a lot!
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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December 10th, 2006, 03:01 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 18,997
sorry to hear about your loses, It going to be hard but hopefully soon he will come around and start getting excited..

My DH did not really start showing his emotions or excitement with this pg untill just a few weeks ago ( about 22 weeks i think ) due to the fact our previous history

good luck and hopefully everything will work out for you 2

Thank you Brittany for my very pretty siggy!
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December 11th, 2006, 08:32 AM
Posts: n/a
DH didn't really get excited w/ Erich until he was here.
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December 11th, 2006, 09:01 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
You all have had a rough year.

DH was very reserved until after the big u/s. Even though we've had u/s from very early on and each time doc said things were good, it still took getting to the halfway point before DH would really relax and talk about the baby. He's not nearly as involved as with DS, but like the other ladies have said, I think that's how he guards his emotions and stays strong for me.

P.S. Congrats on your BFP! I'll be cautiously excited for you.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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December 12th, 2006, 02:38 AM
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1
Hi there,

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and i lost our baby boy at 21 weeks in April. We have just found out that we are pregnant again (6 1/2 weeks) and we are both extremely nervous, more so my husband, cause he doesn't want to see me go through that pain again.

He was also very strong, and didn't want me to see him upset in fear of making me worse. Sometimes i ended up angry at him cause i thought he didn't care. It turns out he did, he was just trying to be strong. I guess that is the thing with husbands, they tread carefully in fear of hurting us, and in fact of being hurt themselves.

My husband is quite excited this time, although it feels he is still trying not to get too attatched. I don't think he will be fully excited until we get to hold this little one in our arms, and take him/her home.

I hear all these people talking about the magical 12 week mark. I used to be one of those people that thought everything was fine if you got past that point, only to be shot down and made realise in the harshest of ways, that there really is no "safe" zone. There are risks the entire way through.

I guess in a way our hubbies are just trying to protect us, and even though it hurts at times cause it feels like they really don't care, deep down they do, probably more then you and i realise!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, i hope it goes well.

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December 12th, 2006, 10:29 AM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,783
I am really sorry for your losses. I don't know what advice to give you about DH other then giving him time and maybe talking to him about how he feels. Good luck with your pregnancy and lots of hugs!

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