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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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October 28th, 2007, 08:56 AM
Emily!'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 3,258
What a very surreal/crappy day yesterday was. It was my little brother's 11th birthday party (we're 13 years apart). Last year I had found out the day before his party that my baby that was supposed to be 10.5 weeks was only 8.5- with no heartbeat. The day after his party (a year ago) I miscarried naturally. So that would be today- technically tomorrow I guess. The weather was the same distinct fall weather that it was a year ago. Leaves everywhere, that fall "smell" and kind of gloomy. I think whether I realized it or not it may have ruined my day at work. Not to mention that on Saturdays I'm stuck at the far end of the restaurant (I refer to it as the dungeon) furthest away from the kitchen, soups, salads, drinks etc. They slammed the HE!! out of me. Sure, I made a decent buck last night, but I was waddling from one end of the place to the other with these muscle pains below my belly (between my hip bones I think) and muscle pains in my crotch. I was cranky and it showed. Thankfully, most of my customers were pretty understanding that they had a 35 week pregnant waitress and I didn't get any complaints or rude attitudes.

Which brings me to my question. My doctor had asked me at my appointment on Thursday if I was still working. I said yes and asked her if that was okay. She replied with a very reassuring yes. I'm beginning to question my own stamina though. How much longer do you think I should hold out? I mean, I'm OBVIOUSLY not going to get any sort of maternity leave pay- we DO have enough saved for the month I will be taking off AFTER the baby is born. DH actually took out a loan on his 401k that COULD make it easier for me to leave sooner. Also, November is one of those sweet 3 check months for him. I just don't want to stress the poor guy out either though. I know that the baby is the reason he took out the loan, but still. He works full time, just went back to school for the first time in 13 years to study law full time and we've got a kid on the way. I know it's not all about him- but he really is VERY good to me and I worry about him. Also, at the beginning of my pregnancy I got a huge lecture from my mother about how she "worked until the day all of you were born". She's an RN in PICU. I've dropped a day at work- so I only work 4 days. 2 shifts are 6 hours and 2 shifts are 7-7.5 hours. The weekends being the longer shifts. I just don't know.
THANK YOU Mrs. Jantzen for my AWESOME siggy!
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October 28th, 2007, 02:25 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
This is a really hard question. With Cora, the last day I worked was actually the day before we'd found out we lost her, so the last day she was alive. That was 2 weeks before she was due, and I only had one more scheduled day after that. I'd planned to work up until the next Sunday, but she didn't schedule me after Tuesday. (That Tuesday, the last day I was scheduled, was the day that I delivered her).

With Erin, I was forced to stop working at 34 weeks because of my stupid UTI that was giving me horrible contractions. My Dr. told me to stop working.

So I guess I've done it both ways. Truth is, having that time off work before Erin got here just gave me more time to worry. I think it would have been good for me--emotionally that is--if I could have kept working a little longer.

I don't know what to suggest to you. It's good that you've dropped a day, that will help. I don't know, I would take each day as it comes, and allow yourself to call in sick if you're too stressed physically! I know that's hard at a restaurant though. Anyway, I'm no help, so I'll just give you instead!
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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October 28th, 2007, 02:44 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, Oregon
Posts: 7,100
Well, I was only pg until 29 wk last time and I planned to work as long as possible. This pg I plan to do the same. I do plan to work fewer hours and not be on my feet so long the further into this pg I get. I don't plan to tell my boss that but I'm going to have my DR write out what I can and can't do.

If you're not feeling comfortable, tell your DR and have them put restrictions on what you are able to do. How much wait you can carry, how long you should be on your feet.... Maybe you can host instead of wait tables. I'm sure it maybe a cut in pay, especially without tips but it will allow you to still work for awhile longer. This may help you physically and put less stress on you financially.

Let us know what you decide.
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October 28th, 2007, 03:30 PM
cymple's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: NC
Posts: 1,845
All along I said I was going to work until the day I had him... the 17th was my last day though. I also work in the hospital and I was on my feet so much and getting so slow and miserable, then coming home and staying up so late to satisfy my insane nesting habit. So I think that put me in my 38th week that I stopped working? Don't let anyone give you a hard time about your decision. You are the only one that knows how you feel and you deserve to make that choice if you are able to - especially with such a demanding job that you have!

I'm sorry yesterday was such a hard day.

Check out Drew & Eliza's blog: http://drewandeliza.blogspot.com
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October 28th, 2007, 08:58 PM
Emily!'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 3,258
Well what makes me so mad about work is that it seems like they REFUSE to ease up on me- even just a little bit. I suppose I haven't asked but I'm afraid of the "well then why don't you just stop working" deal. Thankfully, I only have two days left with the boss that I don't really care for. The next two weeks will be with the one that I like (who is oddly enough considered the more strict one). Not to say that it'll be smooth sailing or anything, but he's just a more honest man. The other one has his head up his ##### and literally does NOTHING at work all day. Sits at the counter and hangs out. Anyhow, enough about how I don't like that guy.

Unfortunately, hostessing is out of the question as the roles around the restaurant are kind of set in stone. It's a family-owned place which definitely has it's pro's and it's cons.

As much as I hate working at this point I love it. As you said Brittanie it just gives you time to sit at home and worry. That, and I just get bored out of my mind. It would be easier if I had any interest in nesting like you, Cymple! I get little to nothing done around my house. My place isn't a sty but still. These days it seems like a chore to feed my cats (don't worry, they're plenty fat ). I DID get my crib put together this past Thursday with the help of my little brother though!

I have an ultrasound coming up this Thursday to find out what position the little brat is in. As much as I DON'T have any interest in having a c-section, I kinda hope she's still transverse so I DO have one. That way I have a set date. Does that make sense? It would make it easier to say, "Alright, I'm gonna stop working one week before the baby is born." Rather than when I'm so many weeks along and just hoping the baby shows her face sooner rather than later.

Why can't I just be rich?
THANK YOU Mrs. Jantzen for my AWESOME siggy!
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October 29th, 2007, 12:25 AM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
sending lots of love your way

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October 29th, 2007, 08:45 AM
dinamommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,610
I don't work outside my home so I won't be of much help to you as far as your question. You have got to be my hero, though. I feel like I'm tired just from a good grocery shopping trip, much less from waiting tables! I have done that before and it's a HARD job. You must be one tough cookie!


Baby and little girls' leg warmers: http://www.etsy.com/shop/SassyStitchesStacey

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October 29th, 2007, 09:38 AM
Sabina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,657
I can't believe that they are putting you far away from everything when you are so far along. Are they inconsiderate or do they just not realize? You really should ask if you can have a section near everything so you don't have to walk so far. It will only be until you stop working so it shouldn't be a big deal and the other wait staff should be understanding about how exhausting it is for you to work like that. Waiting is hard work girl! Do you think it would help to drop another shift? Is that a possibility?
Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy
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