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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #21  
January 11th, 2008, 05:19 PM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
Posts: 12,914
What beautiful babies all four of them looks so sweet! I really like the pic of the twins snuggled up together

I am so sorry you and your DH are having to even faced with selective reduction. How scary. I can't even imagine how your heart feels and where your thoughts might be taking you. But your whole family is in my T&P!

Whatever you choose just remember that there are never any guarantees in life. I know it is a big gamble to keep all 4 babies but it is also a big gamble that you might loose more than the one if you choose to reduce.

BIG for you! I really hope that your heart helps you come to the right choice for your family.
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  #22  
January 12th, 2008, 03:33 AM
KatiesGirls
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Posts: n/a
I have never heard of this. Ever.

I pray that you keep them all and give them all a chance. God just doesn't make mistakes...

If we all looked at what *could* happen and based our decisions on whether or not to get pregnant, I bet most of us wouldn't be having babies. I know that it's a lot on you and your hubbys shoulders, but I would get second, third and fourth opinions from doctors I really think that fate made all those little eggs of yours all attach for a reason, and there is a reason one of them split. What a blessing!

My heart truly breaks for you and your husband.
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  #23  
January 12th, 2008, 07:30 PM
LisaB's Avatar Mom to twins + 1
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Carmel, CA
Posts: 5,872
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I appreciate the support & T & P. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

I respect all opinions. However please know that when people tell me they hope I do one thing or the other, it really doesn't help. You aren't me so you don't know what I'm going through. You may think you know what you would do, but you really don't unless you are faced with the decision yourself. I thought I knew until I was in this situation, and talked with doctors and nurses who have seen it all, talked with moms of preemies who suffer on a daily basis because their parents "didn't have the heart" to reduce. So you can really argue either way about what is the "selfish" thing to do.

As for my feelings about God. Please understand I do not wish to start a debate, I love all my JM sisters and want us all to get along. I do believe in God, and I believe that he doesn't want anyone, particularly children, to suffer. People often ask, if there is a God, why does he let bad things happen to children? Why doesn't he do something? The answer I give - that's what he made us for.

I think sometimes people don't want that responsibility. They think that they can put everything in God's hands and if things go horribly wrong, they can blame it on fate. It wasn't MY fault, it was God's will. Well I for one believe that it is our responsibility not to let innocent children suffer a lifetime of disabilities if we can possibly help it. This is God's true will.

I don't think he controls things like whether babies split into twins. I decided this after having 4 miscarriages. I decided this after seeing a crack mother have her 8th crack baby. God is love & doesn't want us to suffer. He cries with us when we do. He certainly, in my mind, does not CAUSE suffering to happen because of some mystical plan. No way. Not a loving God. So that is why we are here, and given the gifts of free will & reason, we are in charge of making the suffering end.

To be fair. Of course we must decide if we can live with our choices. I won't sugar coat, we are talking about killing babies. I guess the question people in this position must answer for themselves is, do you see yourself as losing some, or saving some?

Here are some preemie links (sent by Liz), the first three of which are written by parents of preemie children. They are a virtual wealth of information on premature birth, gathered lovingly over the years:

http://thepreemieexperiment.blogspot.com/
http://micropreemietwins.blogspot.com/
http://www.aLizard.com
http://www.comeunity.com/premature/development.html


Here are some survival/impairment statistics on multiples -

* 70% of quadruplets survive. Of that figure, 50% of them have disabilities ranging through a series of impairments such as blindness, to cerebral palsy. The average gestation for quadruplets is 28 weeks.

* 85% of triplets survive and 10% impairment rate can be expected, with an average gestation of 30-33 weeks.

* 98% of twins survive with a 5% impairment rate and the average gestation is 35-38 weeks (NOTE: a singleton gestation rate is based on 40 weeks).*

*statistics quoted from research paper by Vickie MacLeod (2000), quadruplet Mom who reduced to triplets and gave birth at 34+ weeks to three beautiful, healthy babies. Their weights ranged from 3.12 lbs. to 4.9 lbs. and the family brought them home from the hospital within 15 days.


And finally here is a letter I received the other day from my blog which made me cry:

Hello, I just wanted to say you are in my heart and prayers. As a Christian, I am against abortion but your story has touched me. Only you and your hubby can make this decision and I know God will be with you no matter what you choose. I always thought it selfish to reduce but when I read your blog, that changed me. You are not selfish at all and you're only thinking of your babies and their chances at life. I admire your courage and please know that whatever choice you and your husband make, you have my full support. I know this isnt' easy and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You have been through so much and I see an amazingly strong women in you. God bless hun, you're in my prayers.

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Me: Lisa, Mommy to twins +1
8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
12/10/09 Surprise! Baby #3 is on the way, EDD 6/22/10

12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue

6/16/10 Baby Ben is born!


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  #24  
January 12th, 2008, 08:06 PM
Sabina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,657
Quote:
Hello, I just wanted to say you are in my heart and prayers. As a Christian, I am against abortion but your story has touched me. Only you and your hubby can make this decision and I know God will be with you no matter what you choose. I always thought it selfish to reduce but when I read your blog, that changed me. You are not selfish at all and you're only thinking of your babies and their chances at life. I admire your courage and please know that whatever choice you and your husband make, you have my full support. I know this isnt' easy and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You have been through so much and I see an amazingly strong women in you. God bless hun, you're in my prayers.[/b]
I completely agree with this women. People can give their opinions all they want. You are the ones that have to live with your decision. In saying that I don't mean you have to live with killing one of your babies, I mean even if you don't reduce, you have to live with babies that may be sick, you may lose some or all. There is really no way to gaurentee that everything will be okay. It's a hard decision but I can honestly say that I will be behind you 100%. It's okay to talk about what you would do but you can't say until you are the one in the situation.

Nobody has the right to judge you or the decision you make because whatever you choose you are doing it because you really love and care for your babies and want what is best for them. That's the bottom line.

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