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Having a hard time letting go

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May 24th, 2010, 02:51 PM
SuperMartianRobotMom6's Avatar Proud Mama & Happy Wife
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 3,968
Soooo this is gonna be a long one!

I dated this guy in ms/hs. Knew him from like 4th grade. Loved himm allll my childhood. Then when I was 16 he because a gigantic jerk and broke up with me. I honestly thought I was going to marry him. Well now 3 years later hes apoligized and were friends again. (Its been a very short time, like only a few months have we been talking.) And hes dating this girl... And hes in love with her...

And honestly, it kinda hurts to hear him say that he loves someone else...

Is that normal?

I mean I love DH more than anyone and I would NEVER leave him for my ex.

But my heart aches just a little bit when he talks about her.

Uggh Im so confused.

Okay maybe it wasnt that long, but you get the general idea.

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May 24th, 2010, 07:57 PM
LadyRogue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Richmond Dale, OH
Posts: 1,590
Actually, Steph...this is normal. I'm no psychologist by any means, but what this sounds like is that you really haven't had closure. You were head over heels for him, loved him most of your life (until your DH of course), then he changed on you and dumped you. It's really hard when something comes fast like that, especially if you really didn't have much of a warning that things were going to end. It sounds like it was abrupt. Now that you've become friends, it opens up old feelings. I'm not saying you don't love your DH. But, what I am saying is that those old feelings are resurfacing a bit. Call it nostalgia (more than likely), but it does sound like you didn't really get closure.

To be honest with you, if it were me...I wouldn't stay in touch with him. It won't do you any good to rehash through old hurts; particularly since it sounds like you still have feelings for him. I've seen this happen before, and it usually ends badly one way or the other. That first love we have with someone is magical and special, so we tend to remember that and forget the bad stuff. Things usually end for a reason...unfortunately we tend to forget that when we get caught up in our memories.

Look at your DH. Think about how much you love him and how HE'S the one who is there for you, loves you and made that lifelong commitment with you. That should help with the hurt, if you want to stay friends with your ex.

I may be way off and if I am, I apologize. Anyway, that's kind of what I got from it. Still, what you're feeling is normal. Hope you can work through it and get past it.
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May 25th, 2010, 03:50 AM
SuperMartianRobotMom6's Avatar Proud Mama & Happy Wife
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 3,968
No, honestly you sound pretty right. I didnt think in a million years I would ever feel like this.

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May 25th, 2010, 01:54 PM
Caelen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Hurley, WI
Posts: 8,572
I'd have to agree.. totally normal, though not easy to handle by any means.

I also dated someone I cared a lot for. His mom didn't care for me because no one was good enough for her son. She hassled us so much we eventually split but stayed in contact as close friends. Went to every college baseball game he played, talked to him online, he came to watch all of my basketball games. Any time one of us was "free" the other was dating someone. We lost contact for a while and now talk again since we're both married with children. I don't know how he feels, but it sucks a little bit seeing him seemingly happily married with two children of his own and wondering if that could have been us. Though I would NEVER leave Mike for him, its hard to see.
‎"That which offends you only weakens you. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place- so transcend your ego and stay in peace."

Stay at home mom to two:
Jacob 03/17/2009
Benjamin 03/18/2011
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May 27th, 2010, 02:12 AM
Jacobbbsmommy's Avatar Happy but Lost
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lakeland, FL
Posts: 2,579
Completely normal! That feeling you had is not one that goes away. Once you love someone I dont think you can ever 'unlove' them, no matter what the circumstances. I have this guy friend that I have been friends with for 15 years and we have dated once or twice in teen years but nothing happened becaz my fam moved alot. I loved him and still do very much. We are still VERY close and talk all the time. I am HAPPILY married and wouldnt dream of leaving my DH but my friend just confided to me that he bought a ring to propose to his GF and I got off the phone and cried for an hour. It just hurts when you care that much about someone and realize that they are putting all their love and attention into someone else... before her he used to go to me about everything but now I get info second and I hate it...
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May 27th, 2010, 04:11 AM
SuperMartianRobotMom6's Avatar Proud Mama & Happy Wife
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 3,968
Its good to know Im not alone.

I kinda wonder if he feels the same way, not that I have the kahunas to ask.

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May 27th, 2010, 10:53 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,154
Im lurking but stumbled across your post and YES you are completely normal. I am also married and blissfully happy with my husband but everytime I hear about my ex who is now engaged, I get this wave of jealousy. I think a part of me would like to still believe that I was his first and only love. I don't like thinking that someone else is more important to me than I was. It's part ego tip & part reminiscing.

You'll be fine.
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May 27th, 2010, 09:55 PM
Jacobbbsmommy's Avatar Happy but Lost
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lakeland, FL
Posts: 2,579
THEY DO! They feel the same way! My guy friend FINALLY admitted to me that he hated my husband when I got married because he felt I was being 'taken away' from him! I always knew it but I just recently got proof!
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