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  #1  
September 20th, 2010, 11:08 AM
Momsince06's Avatar Mommy Since 2006
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 2,317
Im at the breaking point.. I had an off af, i bled till i passed a clot then have had brown dc for the last 4 days.

My doc is going to do a thyroid test on me.. but I doubt anything is wrong iwth it even though I have all the symptoms listed, i bet it has nothing to dow ith my thyroid. But i will find out next week sometime if it is.

But with saying that.. I could cry because it seems like EVERYONE on my facebook is pregnant right now. A few have just found out but dont want anyone to know about it (they just told a few friends.. me being one of them). Most of them being surprises. Literally Im so devestated and I feel so very alone. I want nothing more than to get a bfp. I lost 75lbs to help myself get pregnant.. I changed my eating habbits, Ive gotten to be a a healthly person because my rward for myself at the end of all this was to have another pregnnacy. And it feels like I will never get there. After my other children my cycles came back and I was able to pinpoint ovulation to a dot. I used to have crazy ammounts of ewcm like when id check i could literally pull it out of my cervix opening.. i know tmi. And now Im not sure I even ovulate. I never get ewcm like i used to. If Im lucky I get a teeny tiny amount which mkaes me think.. no im not ovulating.

I honestly feel like Ive just let myself down and that I should just give up on having more. Everyone tells me oh your young, your fertile.. Well Im not so sure about that. YEs I got pregnant very easily with my othr children but I believe now I will never get pregnant. I feel like im sterile and that Im never going to get to experience pregnancy and a new baby. Im not sure why it bothers me so much. Maybe 3 was my number and no more. I dont feel done, and I dont want to be done. But the whole ttc not knowing when to test, getting bfn is really hurting me and eating away at me. Im not happy anymore and the stress is getting to me. But I dont want to give up ttc or put it on the back burner because I feel if i let go of my dream of being pregnnat it surly will never happen. Im just at my breaking point and I feel i can go no lower.

I cant move forward from ttc so im stuck in limbo. I wanted to keep doing my diet program and loose the weight, but my hearts not set on that. my heart is set on another pregnancy and Im afraid it just wont happen. I know ttc on and offf didnt help. But ive been at this since aug 2009. That 13 months now. Im just ready to pee on a stick and it turn out to be positive. Ive never had morning sickness but what id do to wake up puking my guts out and not be able to eat without puking. I just want it so **** bad.

sorry for venting i just have no where to turn and no one i can talk to about this considering the ladies i was talking to about not getting pregnant are both pregnant now. I really wanted to be pregnant. My mc earlier this year put me due on Oct 31.. I would have had my baby by now considering Ive always gone early. But here im left with empty arms and a very sad heart.
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  #2  
September 20th, 2010, 08:21 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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Ahh sweetie, I totally understand. I was pretty fertile, got pregnant more than once while on bc, but now that I want it, I've had a mc and can't seem to get pg. I think the stress of ttc has me going in circles.

Do you chart at all? Something that has helped me is charting, so I at least know that I'm ovulating and where in my cycle I am, although I have moments of wanting to pull my hair out with that as well. It does at least let me know I'm getting close, or that I've totally missed the mark. If you haven't read anything about it, I highly recommend the book Taking Charge of your Fertility. I just bought the 10th edition as back when I was ttc before I had the 8th edition. I'm rereading everything and still finding out stuff I didn't know.

As for everyone else being pg when you want to be. I know how that goes as well. I haven't even checked facebook for weeks because of all the ultrasounds and announcements. I have to just keep telling myself that I'm going to be one of those sharing all that good news someday and I just stay away until I can handle it.

Hang in there darling. Some of us have to fight harder than others for what we want. Just remember it is worth it and don't stop fighting.
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  #3  
September 20th, 2010, 09:06 PM
Momsince06's Avatar Mommy Since 2006
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Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 2,317
Yes i have that book. IT was my bible for a LONG TIME. Ive never charted temps. I wake up every 2-3 hours at night so im not sure it temp reading would be accurate.

And im not that sure, but i think you are supposed to start temping on CD1 the first day of af. well I was going to start but i bled for 3 hours till i passed a clot then I stopped bleeding.

MY doc said he will look mor einto it after he gets the results back from my thyroid test. Im really hoping it is my thryoid cuz it would explain alot of symptoms ive been living with that i just took as normal. So if its just my thyroid, it could be a huge fast change that im looking for.

i counted today that there are 8 ppl on my facebook that are pregnnat and wasnt planned. LIKE ***. its just heartbreaking for me. Im trying my best to be happy of rthem, cuz i know one day when i am they will be forme. But deep down im getting really bitter. I want to scream why me.. why can i get pregnant. what idd i do so wrong.

I will kep your words with me.. this is a battle worth fighting. I just hope i make it through the battle.
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  #4  
September 20th, 2010, 10:19 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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You don't have to start on day 1. A lot of people wait until AF is gone to start. I wake up all night too (CFS) so I just stay in bed and don't temp until my alarm goes off. Temps can be a little wacky but it's the overall picture you have to look at. I also use OPKs. I buy the pack of 20 so I can test daily.

Hang in there. I hope you find something out with the thyroid tests. Mine is borderline and they won't treat it so I know how it goes.
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  #5  
September 21st, 2010, 07:04 AM
Delekatala's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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GOODNESS I HEAR YOU MAMA! There are so many pregnant women on my facebook. Twice now I have had two of them deliver on the same day. I feel like I am the only one not popping out a baby.

One of the ones who delivered a few days ago, I am thanking my lucky stars she finally did, she complained every hour about her pregnancy. It was killing me. I was tempted to delete her.
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  #6  
September 21st, 2010, 03:21 PM
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I was going to suggest temping also. I do it, and though I have very odd sleep schedules, it still helps with the over all picture. I also use OPKs. I buy them on ebay, you can get them pretty cheap.

I hope that you get some answers from your doctor soon! KUP.
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  #7  
September 26th, 2010, 10:56 AM
Momsince06's Avatar Mommy Since 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delekatala View Post
GOODNESS I HEAR YOU MAMA! There are so many pregnant women on my facebook. Twice now I have had two of them deliver on the same day. I feel like I am the only one not popping out a baby.

One of the ones who delivered a few days ago, I am thanking my lucky stars she finally did, she complained every hour about her pregnancy. It was killing me. I was tempted to delete her.

you have no idea how close ive come to deleating all pregnant women off my list, but its petty on my part so I havnt. But Ive noticed since a few of them have become pregnant.. they no longer talk to me, or care to see how I am doing. gee thanks. But theres 1 that still does, and so thats a true friend there.

But i will look into temping. I will hopefully find out the results for my test this coming week.

Also ladies Im sorry for my foul lanuage.. i know it blocked it out, but obsivously you can tell what the words were. I was just extrmely frusterated and didnt care what i wrote. so sorry for the profanity.
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