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Could use prayers (miscarriage)

Forum: Catholic Parenting


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  • 2 Post By JoyfulChaosMama

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July 2nd, 2012, 02:43 PM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 114
A little about me, born and raised Catholic, started dating my husband at 17 (he was baptist but converted by his own choice & suggestion before marriage). We began a committed relationship shortly after turning 18, suffered a miscarriage at 19, married at 23, had our son at 24, daughter at 26, and are now both 28.
We found out we were unexpectedly expecting on 5/13 (Mother's Day) on June 22nd at what should have been my 9 week dr. visit, they couldn't find a heartbeat and told me the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 1 day, and the gestational sac was measuring 8 weeks and would continue to grow until I lose the pregnancy.
My Dr. strongly recommended a D&C... but I asked to be allowed to miscarry naturally if possible first, so now have 4 weeks to do so. It has been 11 days today and there is still no sign of it starting.
I am so depressed right now. I wasn't able to go to church the past 2 Sundays because while I do not 'blame' God, I feel very let down and hurt and angry and a whole range of other emotions, and would feel like a hypocrite sitting there in that pew seething.
I really would like to avoid surgery, and absolutely cannot stand the thought of them disposing of my baby, no matter how tiny it was, it was a life inside of me, and it is not trash!! I have been told if I have the procedure that they will dispose of it because it's considered biohazard. Also, it feels too much like an abortion to me, like I am evicting my baby from my body, even though I know that is not rational.
I could just really use some prayers to keep my faith up and get thru this right now.

Angel Baby #1 - 12/29/2003 (9 weeks, lost baby at 6-7 weeks)
Angel Baby #2 - 7/10/2012 (11 weeks 5 days, lost baby at 6 weeks 1 day)
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July 2nd, 2012, 04:13 PM
LiamsMother's Avatar Amanda (Amahnda)
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Lincoln, NE
Posts: 796
I am so sorry. I also suffered a miscarriage 7 months ago. I had a D&C at a Catholic hospital, and afterwards, her remains were taken to a pathologist to test for chromosomal abnormalities. She was respectfully buried in a grave site made for miscarried babies, after the testing. We have visited that grave site a couple of times. I guess I just assumed that every hospital did this or at least every Catholic hospital. I don't like the idea of a human being being disposed of irreverently like they're biohazards. Again, I am sorry for your loss. I do know what you are going through and it is one of the hardest things that one can go through. ((Hugs))

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July 2nd, 2012, 06:29 PM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 114
Thank you! I am hoping and praying it doesn't come to surgery, but I guess I will cross that bridge when I do. But I am going to contact a lawyer if I have to have it so that I am able to take my baby with me and bury him/her properly. I wish there was a Catholic hospital where I live.

Angel Baby #1 - 12/29/2003 (9 weeks, lost baby at 6-7 weeks)
Angel Baby #2 - 7/10/2012 (11 weeks 5 days, lost baby at 6 weeks 1 day)
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July 2nd, 2012, 07:49 PM
bellasky's Avatar Blessed
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,399
I am so sorry you are going through this. I pray that God gives you strength and lets you heal.
My Angels: 1/6 @ 5W5D 6/17 @ 4W5D

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July 3rd, 2012, 01:18 AM
LJD3Tdance's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Eagle, Idaho
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I have been fortunate enough not to be in your position, so I don't know if I know what I'm talking about here...but aren't there medicines they can give you that can help you along in the miscarriage? Or does that also feel too much like an abortion to you? I don't know how I'd feel with all of it, but I totally do understand that thought that you don't like how they handle it...they handle it wrong at all stages of pregnancy if their is a loss. They talk like they aren't people, so it would be a hard decision to make.

I'll put you in my prayers. BTW, I'm Christen, nice to have you here, sorry for such a tragic post

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July 3rd, 2012, 07:17 AM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Denver metro area
Posts: 2,988
I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and praying that you are able to avoid a d&c.

"Authentic love is not a vague sentiment or a blind passion. It is an inner attitude that involves the whole human person. It is looking to the other, not to use but to serve. It is rejoicing when the other rejoices and suffers when the other suffers. Love is the gift of self." JPII
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July 3rd, 2012, 07:58 AM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 114
Thank you ladies for the support and prayers, I appreciate it. There is a pill you can take that makes you start having uterine contractions, but it can rupture your uterous and has other side effects. I would raather go natural if possible, but the waiting is such torment. My Dr. is very conservative, and was willingto give me some extended time for it to start naturally, but even with her calling it "tissue" (as clinical as that may be) seemed harsh, and I know that is not how she intended it. I am amazed at how some people act, just because this child wasn't living outside of my body yet, they seem to think you can't possibly have an attachment to it, or that it is not that much of a loss!

Angel Baby #1 - 12/29/2003 (9 weeks, lost baby at 6-7 weeks)
Angel Baby #2 - 7/10/2012 (11 weeks 5 days, lost baby at 6 weeks 1 day)
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July 3rd, 2012, 11:57 AM
LiamsMother's Avatar Amanda (Amahnda)
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Lincoln, NE
Posts: 796
I totally hear ya on how some people can't understand the deep loss that a miscarriage is. For me, it was one of the hardest things that I've ever gone through, and I've gone through a lot of things in my life. We only knew of our daughter for 7 weeks but I still love her and cry about her now, 7 months later. I wish no one ever had to go through the tragedy of losing a child. It's a pain that never goes away.

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July 3rd, 2012, 03:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,224
I am so sorry mama. I've been where you are - 3 years ago our baby died at 12 weeks - I too opted to miscarry in my own time. It took over 3 weeks. It was hard. Very hard. I felt hurt and upset with Our Lord also. (there were some other circumstances around me that intensified those feelings.)

You are not a hypocrite if you go to mass. I urge you to go - and give all of your feelings and emotions to God.

Give yourself time to heal, move forward slowely. I am so sorry for your loss.
LJD3Tdance and AmyLM like this.
~Lisa, homebirthing, homeschooling , homesteading mama and student midwife. Married to my beloved for 20 years, raising a big brood of children on a little farm in Southern Michigan.

Mama to:
Nick, 19
Abby, 17
Gabe, 15
Isaac, 13
Mary-Kate, 12
Sam, 11
Henry, 10
Molly, 8
Mark, 7
Greta, 5
Cecilia, 4
Josephine, 2
Evie, born 12.31.13
Baby due in July!
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July 4th, 2012, 03:49 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Upper Michigan
Posts: 14,600
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I am so sorry for your loss, we were in the same DDC and now I am going through something quite similar. I should have been 12 weeks yesterday but we found out the baby had stopped growing at 7. After discussing it we decided I would not risk a D&C but also could not just wait around forever for my body to get the message, so the doc wrote a script for a med used vaginally. I starting cramping and bleeding overnight last night. This is just day 1 but so far it has not been as bad as I feared.

I am not hijacking this thread, just thought maybe this would be an option you might consider and discuss with your doctor.
~Jennifer, wife of one, mother of many

Robert: 20 Raechel: 18 Daniel: 15 Joseph: 13 Thomas: 10 Mary Mae: 7 Lucy Marie: 5 John Anthony: 2 AND Baby due Dec. 2015

Always Missing our Angels: Hope (7-8-06 @36w); Francis (7-4-12 @12w); Charlie (1-19-15 @ 6w)

Congratulations Raechel and Kaleb, married May, 2015

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July 5th, 2012, 02:31 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 8,587
I'm so sorry, ladies. I had a m/c right before getting pg with my Claire. Fortunately, it happened quickly. Unfortunately, it happened. It was a baby I carried and loved and miss. I worked in the medical field for many, many years and I know how clinical and cold everything is. I really think that it's to keep the professional from having to feel too much. It's a way of distancing ourselves but, it seems cold to the patient. You are in my prayers and I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray that you can find peace and that this process happens quickly for you. I also urge you to go to mass and give it all to God. You're not a hypocrite for it. Not at all. Peace be with you.
DS: 4
DD3: 9/19/14-10/19/14DS: 17months!

Mom to 4 beautiful kids! 3 on Earth and 1 in heaven. Our little girl, Matilda Hope had Down Syndrome. She was born with TMD, a disease that is like leukemia. She fought that and beat it. Then, she had liver failure. She beat that, too. On October 17, 2014 she had NEC, necrotizing enterocolitis. My baby went to Heaven on October 19, 2014. She lived exactly one month.
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