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Well now I don't know what to do.

Forum: LDS Parenting


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November 22nd, 2011, 09:02 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Okay, so backstory:

Ever since I was fairly young I have said I wanted 5 kids. When Cora was stillborn, Matt and I decided that she "counts" and so it would be 5 pregnancies -- 4 living kids. My patriarchal blessing talks about sonS and daughterS that would come into our home, into bodies provided by me and my husband, so I've always talked about having at least 2 girls and 2 boys. Well, we've had 3 girls, and only one boy.

So lately I've been talking about having our next/last baby pretty much as soon as we can. I don't want to spend years dreading another pregnancy, and while I'm definitely enjoying the bitty baby stage, I can't wait until we can move on to "bigger kid" things (like Disneyland!). So I've been basically just steeling myself for another pregnancy and dreading it, and thinking about all the great things we'll get to do when we don't have an infant anymore.

Anyway, I was driving around a couple weeks ago, thinking about all of this, when I got a nearly-audible impression: "You know, Brittanie, it's okay if you stop now."

So now I'm just confused! I want to go through my last pregnancy know it's my last, so I can really savor it (not that I didn't enjoy Allison's pregnancy as much as I could, but it would be different if it was my last, you know?). I really want Patrick to have a brother. But I really don't want to be pregnant ever again. So now that I don't "have" to...ugh, I just don't know what I'm going to do! I know, truly, that the Lord will be happy with whatever we decide, and Matt has mentioned stopping at Allison, but has left it up to me. So it really truly is up to me on this one.

*sigh* I think I liked it better when the decision was someone else's.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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November 22nd, 2011, 10:21 AM
Mommy of Four!
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 140
That is something you need to pray about. Heavenly Father will guide you towards what is right, especialy right now when you are really confused as to what to do. Pray for guidance...he will show you the way to go.

Thank You Alethia for the Siggy!
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November 22nd, 2011, 11:18 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
See that's the thing....every time I pray I feel like either way is completely okay, so it's up to me to choose.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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November 22nd, 2011, 11:24 AM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In yonder mountains
Posts: 9,339
That is a toughie. My brother and SIL had that happen to them as well. The way I think about it might be different as I am the last child in my family.

My family was put together in the preexistence. I know that. We were a family before any of us were born. We chose to be together. My parents were done after my sister. Then I came along. If my parents hadn't had me, I wouldn't have gotten to the family that was put together in the preexistence.

My brother and SIL, on the other hand, when faced with this decision decided to stop at 4 children. They felt that there was another one, but they didn't HAVE to have that child. They don't regret getting permanent birth control done. Personally, I wonder what family that child will end up in, but I know that the Lord wouldn't give you the option of being done if He didn't have a back up plan for any children that might be wanting to come to your family.

I hope that made sense. Just be happy with whatever you choose and don't look back.

Thank you *kiliki* for my beautiful siggy!

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November 22nd, 2011, 12:24 PM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Antonio TX
Posts: 28,853
Why not just not worry about it right now? Give it some time.

FWIW, my parents' patriarchal blessings talked about childREN that were still to come to them. My brother and sister were already born. They had me... and that's it. They just never had more. My sister's and BIL's patriarchal blessings also mention children. They have one child and even in vitro didn't get them another. Patriarchal blessings don't necessarily have to be fulfilled on earth.

~Heather, wife to Jamie (15 years; June 5, 1998) and mom to
Ani - 14 (February 15, 2000), Cameron - 12 (October 3, 2001),
Fritz - 7 (July 11, 2006), and Adrian - 5 (June 19, 2008)
Smaller on the Outside

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November 22nd, 2011, 02:49 PM
Bug-n-Ed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,521
Patriarchal blessings aren't just to be fulfilled here in our mortal existence, it's also for the life to come. It could be that the other son(s) you are supposed to have will come during the next life. Also, if you happen to still be on earth during the millennium, maybe you'll have more children then as during that time there will still be spirit children who need bodies.

We have our two biological boys and our two adopted girls, but I have a very strong feeling there's one more for our family. DH is okay with stopping. I'm leaving it in Heavenly Father's hands as with our infertility, it's only going to happen due to a miracle or through adoption again and I'm not sure DH is up for that as it's so expensive to adopt. We aren't going to go through fertility treatments or pursue adoption, just take it as it comes. If I get pregnant, wonderful. If I don't, that's okay as well. If we have an adoption opportunity present itself to us (like maybe the girls' birth mom gets pregnant again and wants to place with us again), then we'll go that route if it comes. If it doesn't, we'll be fine. So, while I strongly feel like Heavenly Father has another child for our family, I don't feel a strong push to get that child to our family right now. Maybe I will further down the road, but for now, I'm content to wait until Heavenly Father guides us more so. I feel like I'll be happy with just our four kids even though I know there's another one. That other one will eventually find his/her way to us even if it's years down the road as a surprise caboose baby.
Mommy to Brandon (12) and Edward (10)
Emma and Ellie (4)

picture does not represent current ages

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November 22nd, 2011, 09:09 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
As for it not happening in this life, the line is "sons and daughters who will come into your homes in to bodies provided by you and your husband, with special missions to prepare the world for the second coming of the Savior."

I'm thinking that the plurals were just how the patriarch phrased it, not necessarily because it's supposed to be literal.

But Heather, that's what I've decided. I'll just not worry about it right now. Allison is only 3 months old and I'm nursing and my body just isn't ready so it's not like I could get pregnant now if I tried.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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December 3rd, 2011, 08:35 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 11,023
Odd that we should be talking about this. My DH just came to me and told me that he had a strong feeling that Tessa was not part of our premortal family and that she is slipped in and that our next baby will be right on her heels.

Brittanie I got pregnant with Tessa when Beau was 4 months old exclusively breastfeeding with no period between the two of them. So never say never God trumps all!

Any way we are just NTNP. Let it be up to God and after years and years of infertility and losses how can I tell God no to everything i have prayed for?
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December 18th, 2011, 10:43 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,710
Many people have mention of "sons and daughters" in their patriarchal blessings including me. It is of course up to you how to interpret your own blessing but I personally don't view that line as meaning I have to have at least 2 girls and 2 boys. Dh and I plan on having 3 more kids...if they're all boys I have noooooo plans to have more just to fulfil that part of my blessing. As I remember, you really knew that it was time to add Allison to your family....if you don't get that feeling again then I don't see any problem with stopping at 4.
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