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Any advice on how to help a toddler with a loss of his parent?

Forum: 2009 Playroom


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January 7th, 2013, 08:27 PM
EOD_wife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 1,763
Hi Everyone. My son, Max, was born in Oct 09. I was very active on the boards before and after his birth, and then split with my husband and just got too busy as a single working mom. Anyways, I am back because I need help and I reaching out to all who can maybe help me with some guidance. My son is 3 and my ex husband was just diagnosed with stage 4B pancreatic cancer. The avg. lifespan after diagnosis is 7.5 months. He is not sure if he will try chemo or not because of the quality of life he may have.
My question is how in the heck do you prepare a toddler for something like death that he doesn't even understand? Let alone why he cant see his daddy anymore.
Any feedback will be appreciated. Books, links, articles, anything. I put in a call to our hospital's cancer support group today and am sure I will get some help there as well.
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January 8th, 2013, 06:48 AM
peimum's Avatar Being crazy isn't enough
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: PEI, Canada
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That is a tough one. One of my college friends past away a few months ago, leaving behind his wife and two preschool daughters..... I know it is not easy, but she has a blog that she writes about it.... if you are interested I can send you the link.
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January 8th, 2013, 09:50 AM
EOD_wife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Santa Cruz, CA
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That would be wonderful!!! Please send it. I am truly sorry for your friend. Two little ones :-(
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March 3rd, 2013, 01:48 AM
acupofjoe's Avatar Proud mama of three!
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Location: washington state.
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Hi I think I remember you from the DDC. I dont have any advice just wanted to say I will pray for you and your family. Sorry you are going through this tough time.
Nessa proud married working mother of three kids in Washington state. Trying to raise our family of five as LDS. Taking life one day at a time.
Jordan - 6 yr; Stan - 4 yr; & Tyler - 2 yr.
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March 11th, 2013, 09:28 AM
MaineBean's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Maine
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Where I am in Maine, there is a non-profit called the Center for Grieving Children. It is a place for families to find resources and comfort for jsut this sort of thing. Obviously it's a *little* far for you, but you could either search for something similar in your area, or even try calling the place near us to see if they could point you towards resources. http://www.cgcmaine.org/

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June 18th, 2013, 03:16 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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Location: North east england
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Im so sorry you are going through this im thinking of you
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November 10th, 2014, 04:18 PM
EOD_wife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
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Hi again, Thank you for the kind words, it's been a transitional few month that's for sure. I am visiting again to see if anyone has any expirence of helping a child deal with the loss of a parent. As expected, Max lost his dad in April of this year, just over 6 months ago. Max just turned 5 and is dealing with it in a pretty "normal" way for his age'. Where as he does not understand the finality of death, he feels the void. Even though Jay and. I had divorced, we were able to put our differences aside for the sake of our child and he moved back in with us a year prior to his death so Max could get the most quality time with his dad.We talk openly about Jay and Max loves to look at pictures. He has a great perception of his dad's memory.
We have great family support and Hospice has provided some great grief groups within our community. I feel prepared for how to help my son through his grieving process as he starts to understand more with age, however It would be nice to have another person to able to talk to that knows what I'm going through.
It is incredibly difficult to not be able to "fix" your child's anguish,frustration, hurt.
Anyways, sorry to kind of ramble on, but anyone in a sort of similar situation, I would love to chat and share situations and advice.
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December 1st, 2014, 08:56 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southern IL
Posts: 1,373
I am sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have done great with trying to make sure Max doesn't forget. It's hard to explain death at this age. I do not have the same experience as you but dealing with similar feelings with our son who will be six in April. We lost my dad in September and it's been a struggle with the finality. I hope someone here has some better words of advice. I by no means think the situations are identical but will try to be here as a sounding board if need be.
Mommy to Serena (12-9-01) and Xander (4-13-09)
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January 11th, 2015, 03:58 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
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Location: Pennsylvania
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I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Max.
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