Log In Sign Up

Update on my SO situation

Forum: 2010 Playroom


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To 2010 Playroom LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
March 4th, 2010, 09:48 PM
hey there elizabeth's Avatar Johnathon's Mommy<3
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 553
He's no longer my "SO".

Long story short, I tried. Every way I thought possible to get my point across.
Any time I think He made progress, he majorly messes it all up.

He's not changed one bit.

So I'm taking the time before my LO is born that I have, to get rid of him.
I'm hoping he'll wake up when our son is born and such.
But until then, I'm not going to treat him like "its okay" when its not.

He doesn't care to be involved with anything...even something as simple as a parenting class.
So he doesn't need to be in my life, NEWS FLASH: the center of my world is my son, and if you're not going to realize that, Get OUT

There is NO such thing as a teen parent. You're a teen or a parent. He doesn't get that. I made my decision to give up the last three years of my "teen" for my son.

So I left all his stuff in a garbage bag on the porch. Good riddance.

^^ Thanks Niamh!!!<3

Reply With Quote
March 4th, 2010, 10:42 PM
Shellybaby3's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 514
It's such a hard thing to do but I promise you are doing the right thing. It is stupid to put a bunch of time and energy into someone trying to explain to them the importance of changing and growing up. They have to want to do it or they won't. As hard as it seems now it will get better and it's easier when you only have to rely on yourself. It would of course be nice to have someone else to rely on but it's not always realistic. I am proud of you for being strong and doing the right thing.
Shelly (24) Daddy Jeremy (29) been together since Sept 15th 2006. Parents to DD Phoenix Madisyn (4/06) &Welcoming our newest addition Chance Austin our 34 week preemie...


Reply With Quote
March 4th, 2010, 10:48 PM
Mom.to.PinknBlue's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Lame-o Illinois
Posts: 12,234
I am so proud of you and wish I could give you the biggest hug right now!

I have so say this post is the smartest thing I have heard come out of a teen's mouth in forever! You are going to do wonderfully, and know that we are here for you! And Shelly is right, it is a hard decision but you are making the right one. And it will get easier. I must say I love how you say there is no such thing as a "teen parent". You are either a teen, or a parent. And I have to say I agree with you. You can't really be both once you have a child. I mean yea a lot of girl finish high school and such, but once you have a kid there is no friday night football games and weekend parties.

I am so proud of you Elizabeth!

Amelia: Wife to Ryan, Mama to Harleigh, with a boy on the way
Reply With Quote
March 4th, 2010, 10:53 PM
3xCrazy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,915
I agree with what the other ladies said. Well done to you. You made the best choice! *hugs*

Reply With Quote
March 4th, 2010, 11:01 PM
LJD3Tdance's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Eagle, Idaho
Posts: 60,398
Send a message via AIM to LJD3Tdance Send a message via Yahoo to LJD3Tdance
Sorry you're going through this all.

Reply With Quote
March 4th, 2010, 11:56 PM
Kaija's Avatar Mom to Addie
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Posts: 2,403
Lizz, you are years beyond your age. I'm not much older than you but I think you are doing the greatest possible thing for your son by putting him first.

Big big BIG hugs!
Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 12:50 AM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
Hun, I just want to say that it sounds as if you really have your head screwed on, and that you are a billion times more mature than him. Although it's hard being a single parent - at times, it can be easier than being a parent in a relationship where one person does all the work & takes all the responsibility - and the other is just there for the easy, happy, smiley moments - and to take the praise that the other person deserves.

Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 05:14 AM
Charizomai's Avatar Mommy to Three!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alabama
Posts: 4,470
Way to go! Just ditto what the other ladies here have said! It might have been a hard decision or choice but you are doing what you beleive is best for your son and yourself, congrats...and great job for standing up for what you beleive in!

I happily Breastfed Alba for 5 1/2 months!!!!

Below is my weightloss ticker. This is not for the pregnancy weight to come off as it has pretty much all came off. The rest of it is just what I've been wanting to loose for a while now to get back to my healthier weight!

Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 06:06 AM
kimmiejo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 24,239
Hugs dear! sounds like you did the right thing, doesn't sound like he deserves to be in your son's life! I wish you all the best!!
Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 06:30 AM
myblueyez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,121
I agree with the rest of what everyone has said. Hugs to you!
And having BTDT myself, you are so right about the "teen parent" thing....
And yes hopefully when baby gets here he will wake up and realize what he's doing, but know that you are doing the right thing by your child and that is the most important thing.....
Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 06:40 AM
Momeejenjen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Spring Hill, TN
Posts: 9,994
Send a message via Yahoo to Momeejenjen
Sounds like you know what you want and you are willing to do what it right to be where you need to be. We are here for you! You can do it!
Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 09:45 AM
harmstrong's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 3,353
Good for you! You don't need that crap!
Mom to Emmalea((7),AJ(3) & Andrew (June 10,2010)
Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 01:35 PM
enchantingdragon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,309
Good for you. Sounds like you know whats best for you and baby. Sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs.
Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 01:58 PM
CandaceDianne's Avatar Lilyan's Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 8,549
Glad you are standing up for yourself and your son. I hope he does wake up once your son is here, but sometimes men can just be ignorant. I hope it all works out!

Born June 5, 2010
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter
Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 02:10 PM
ChoMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: GA
Posts: 5,769
good for you, stay strong!!! I know its hard, but sounds like its for the best! Maybe when he sees that precious little baby he'll man up...we can hope right? **HUGS**

Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 02:18 PM
tasheroo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Binghamton, NY
Posts: 2,838
Isn't he also a teen? Having a baby is a big life changing thing. He is probably scared out of his mind. I am not taking his side, but I can see why he would have a hard time accepting the whole parent thing. I had a baby at 15, I know its a hard thing to realize and come to terms with. I think you might be making it harder for him to adjust to the idea of a baby by throwing the parenting classes, being in the delivery room and everything else in his face.

You are the one pregnant, this baby is already real to you. Its not real to him yet. 9 months may seem like enough time to get used to the idea of a baby, but to a teenager its very different. You guys are still kids, I am sure the last thing on his mind was becoming a parent so young. And you can still be a teenager and be a good parent to your baby. I did it. I went to my school dances, graduated from high school and held a part time job like most teenagers do.

My daughters father didn't accept the baby thing while I was pregnant either. It wasn't until a couple months after she was born he became really actively involved. And hes an amazing father to her now. I think you just need to give him time.

Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 02:30 PM
Mama Chemist 73's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 3,933
What a tough decision, but it sounds like the right one. You are very mature for your age. Your son will definitely benefit. Way to go Mama!
Sharon - Mom to Theresa, Harvey,& Sarah

My Ovulation Chart
Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 03:33 PM
caitie_pie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,917
Send a message via AIM to caitie_pie
in total agreement with tasheroo. I'm not taking his side either. I don't think you should have him around you stressing you out. You need to do whats best for you and your baby boy right now, hell for the rest of your life but him stressing you out isn't what is best.

However. Don't give up on him because whether you like it or not he IS this baby's father. Nothing changing that honey. Do you want your baby to not have a daddy because you pushed him away?
Honestly I don't know your situation so maybe I am totally off. I'm just putting my input in. I only want to help, maybe give you another perspective. I don't want you to think I'm trying to be mean.
Also another mistake most moms make is thinking that once your baby is born your life is completely over. GUESS WHAT! it's not, you can have a life too and I believe most experts suggest time away for yourself! It's good for you! I wasn't REALLY a teen mom, I was already graduated from high school when my DD arrived but I did miss out on my entire Senior year and sometimes I do get a little depressed knowing I missed out on so much. Maybe that makes me selfish, personally I think it makes me human.

Thank you Julka for my amazing Siggy<3
Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 03:52 PM
hey there elizabeth's Avatar Johnathon's Mommy<3
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 553
thanks for all the support guys

and when I say you can't be a teen and a parent is your priorities have got to change. His are not.
They are drugs. Thats his priority. Oh, and not keeping a job.

Those of you who think I'm trying to take him for my child? No.
But I will not allow his bad influences to effect me or my child.

And honestly, maybe he is freaked out, but what do you think I was?
You really think giving up my senior year, going away to college, my family's respect, and partying was what I wanted to do? Like I planned to get pregnant to take him down with me? No.

But I am pregnant, and whether or not the kid is real to him, it is real.

And he really got a job, called someone the "n" word because the guy insulted his drug knowledge, and was fired after the first day of work.
And he really did go to the next interview high on pills.

so its much more than "omg he won't go to class with me or be there for the delivery"

I do not even care about that. Its the fact that he is standing in the same place he was at 15.

And we made this child together, I shouldn't be the only one to grow up.
But I refuse to make my child suffer, by not growing up.

which is the part he doesn't see. This goes much farther back than just him, back to his own father. Who is an addict.

I haven't made excuses for myself, and he shouldn't either.
Yeah the baby is his to, but he's given him nothing, not even enough to care to not snort up before a job interview.

Boo freaking who, I was a kid too. and I freaked out to, but there is such a thing as sucking up and growing.

^^ Thanks Niamh!!!<3

Reply With Quote
March 5th, 2010, 04:09 PM
caitie_pie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,917
Send a message via AIM to caitie_pie
Like I said, I wasn't trying to be mean and I don't know your whole story either. I had really hoped you didn't take it that way.

And I didn't mean that you were keeping your son from him, it just sounded like you were pushing him away. I think it is possible to keep someone involved and not have them around everyday; subject yourself or your son to the other person's bad decisions.
My DD that I'm pregnant with now was conceived through rape, if you didn't already know. So I know how a person can make bad decisions. And by rape I mean I said 'no, stop, I don't want to do this' but I didn't fight him off... it's more complicated than some random guy beating me and having sex with me. Plus this guy is someone I deeply care for. I am trying to give him the chance to be in his child's life. He does drugs, and he's on probation for the next five years. So yeah, not the best guy. I know how it can be, messed up with a guy like that. I just think of it this way. Control the situation. Control visitations, and control the involvement. Make it known that you want him in your guys' son's life but if he's high or acting insane then he wont be permitted to be around.

I'm still sticking to the fact that you can not compare apples to apples here. You and your ex are two different people. You handle things completely differently. I hope he comes around and grows up but you can't expect him to do it the exact same way as you, or in the same amount of time. No matter how ideal you'd like it to be. That's just life.
And no one, by any means is asking you to stoop to his level or tell you to not grow up. We see that you've grown up a lot and only want what is best for your son. I guess I just thought I was trying to give you my perspective, I wasn't trying to attack you.

Thank you Julka for my amazing Siggy<3
Reply With Quote

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:17 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0