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Is your body image affecting your sex life?

Forum: 2010 Playroom


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March 12th, 2010, 10:16 AM
Nicole1110's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 11,944
Mine is, big time! I feel so fat and unsexy that I just don't want to have sex at all. We have DTD one time since Major has been born. My DH is practically begging for it some nights and my "I'm tired" excuse is not going to work much longer. Before I got pregnant I had soooo much more confidence than I do now. I really, really want to get that back.

Last night, I went to put some flip flops on and I stumbled... this was the dialogued that ensued:

DH: Are you drunk?
Me: Haha, no.
DH: Oh, I wish you were drunk. You used to let me do naughty things to you when you'd been drinking. I miss that.
Me: Well, I'm a Mom now.
DH: So you're not a wife anymore?
Me: I cooked you dinner didn't I?

I never wanted to be that woman who blamed her lack of sex on being a Mom. It's just an easy scapegoat. I have told him that I don't feel sexy and that I feel fat and whatnot and he says he thinks I'm sexy. He doesn't understand that that's just not enough. I just wish I could have the old, confident "me" back.

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March 12th, 2010, 08:36 PM
Ooh_lala's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NC
Posts: 9,472
I am in your boat EXACTLY!

DH is practically about to result to begging before too long, and I just feel fat and gross, while he tells me he thinks I am still just as sexy as I've ever been, but like you said, it's just not good enough, I wanna feel that way about myself, WITHOUT having to be convinced, ya know?

Piper- 02/12/07
Camden- 02/27/08
Ryker- 01/12/10
Atticus- 05/26/11Tatum- 06/07/12

Currently TTC the final piece to our puzzle.

You don't have to ask, yes we know what causes it, and since you're asking and dont, google might be a nice place to start.
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March 14th, 2010, 05:19 PM
doodoosmom's Avatar 4 kids?! Who's counting!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: California
Posts: 8,008
I was like tha after my 1st..I quickly realized that even though I feel like a big ugly deflated balloon, my husband didn't feel the same. Even after 3 kids I still want to cover up my belly area when Im naked around him and he hates that..he would much rather me loosen up and be comfortable around him.
I know it's hard but our DH's married us for us..not for our bodies..it takes time to realize that but it's true..obviously dh is still attracted to you if he wants to dtd so just try to think about that. Also, you can try getting something cute to wear to bed, that makes you feel good, I got a bunch of little nighties and cami's to wear, and they cover my belly which is my least fave area, so as long as that parts covered I feel 1000% times more confident.
Ashley - Wife to Derrick, mommy to Owen-8, Rylan-6 & Addison-3. Baby Nolan is here, born 6/13/13 @ 34 weeks.
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March 15th, 2010, 10:48 AM
*SamF*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 16,621
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I'm feeling that way too, but DH has been so great. He is always telling me that he loves me and lusts after me.
First couple of times it was rough when I would feel my belly, it would totally distract me. Now I just try to put it out of my mind and listen to DH.

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March 17th, 2010, 07:40 AM
sarahlorrain's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 5,501
I hate it when dh looks at my belly. I know I probably look pretty good for being PP after my fourth kid, but I am really self conscious about it. I haven't let it affect my sex life though. We've only dtd twice since birth, but that's mainly because it seems like one or the other of us has been sick all the time! I know it's hard to believe them when they say we're still beautiful, but I really think they really think we are! I read in a magazine yesterday that to improve your sex life, you should have sex at least once a day for a week. I don't know if I could do that with a newborn, but I might try it one of these days! I say just give in and try to have a good time.
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March 19th, 2010, 12:24 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 6,197
There is a reason we DTD with the lights off haha! If I could see myself doing it I all I would be able to think was look at how fat I am. So lights off it is. DH wishes Id lighten up but not until I lose some weight first.

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March 19th, 2010, 03:01 PM
Nicole1110's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 11,944
I'm the same way Whitney... lights off. I hate that I am so self-conscious but I just can't help it. If the lights were on I would just be worrying about my fat rolls and cellulite the whole time and not be able to enjoy myself. I'm hoping to change it one of these days though.

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March 19th, 2010, 07:21 PM
Heaven's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 9,436
I felt absolutely disgusting post-partum. I have a map of stretch marks and a hanging belly. But I refuse to let it get to me and I didn't let it affect our sex life either. We've only DTD a number of times since having our baby girl but minus one occasion, we actually enjoyed them all.

I just decided that I have to take care of myself and not just whine and cry about it. I changed my hair style, shower every day, shave regularly, wear make up, perfume, dress up in cute outfits and today I even wore lingerie for hubby! lol

I also started working out...not hardcore but either a long brisk walk outside if weather permits, a run on the treadmill and a set of sit-ups atleast daily. I get on the scale almost everyday just to make sure I am not loosing track. I am still a few pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight but I am not letting that get to me (yet).

Believe in yourself and believe your DH's words. The fact that you gave birth to a beautiful baby, the trauma your body went through and the fact that you are an amazing mother should give you all the confidence you need. As my DH says about my stretch marks, they are battle scars and I should be proud of them. So should you
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May 12th, 2010, 02:00 PM
Conners Mommie +2's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Easley, SC
Posts: 9,302
My body image did effect my sex life and then my husband and I both started losing weight and after only 16 pounds, it has completely turned around. I am a long way from being at the weight I want to be, but I have so much more confidence. I tried on my "fat pants" the other day and they were too big and my tight jeans were comfortable so hubby and I have DTD the past 4 nights! LOL

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