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Forum: 2010 Playroom


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March 29th, 2010, 06:18 AM
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: mass
Posts: 22
My bf and I broke up right before we found out I was pregnant. Since this we tried to work out our issues (which I have seriously come to the conclusion are all him). One minute he talks about the future things the next he wants me out the door. Everytime we break up he gives me a sob story about his feelings and life and I end up taking him back. The last few weeks we were great and yesterday out of the blue he said "do you really think we will work in the long end, i dont." Mind you just that past week he asked me to move in and that past night he said he loved me. He agreed to counseling however I have seen no change a month later now after the things he said yesterday I am at the point of saying this is not worth it. granted he has pulled this 4 times now....and blames himself about a few weeks later...im so drained.

On top of all this he came out and told me he slept with someone in between break-ups

My huge concern is I am pregnant and we are trying to work things out...am I wasting my time trying or should I just say forget it and be a single parent. all I want is real happiness with someone who loves me for me not someone who says he loves me one day and his actions say otherwise. I dont know what more to do. Just need some support....its hard
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March 29th, 2010, 07:52 AM
Posts: n/a
to be honest, i'd say just leave him there's no room for mind games or undecisive when there is a baby on the way. I'd look into getting your own place or even bunking with mom&dad til you are on your feet. just deal with him when it relates to the baby. Its going to be hard but i know you can do it. Stress and Pregnancy don't always get along so try to get yourself as relaxed as you can.

p.s. you have come to the right place when it comes to needing support,shoulder to cry on, etc. the ladies here are just awesome
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March 29th, 2010, 08:07 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
That's a tough call! ((HUGS)) I'm sorry you are going through this. Counseling does not work over night, so you need to give it some time if YOU truly want it to work. It sounds like you aren't sure it will work in the long run either. Are you trying to work this out for the baby or because you truly love him and want to spend forever with him? If it is for the first reason, that is not a good reason to try to get a rocky relationship to work. If you truly love him and can see growing old with him, then it is a great reason to work it out.

This will take some deep thinking on your part. Take some time to yourself in a quiet, beautiful spot. Write down the pros and cons of your relationship. Close your eyes. Ask yourself if you deeply love this man and will you do anything for him and vice versa. If the answer is no, you have your answer. If the answer is yes, keep going to counseling and voice your frustrations there. It is important for the counselor to see all the workings of the relationship, the strengths and weaknesses, the hesitations and so forth.

Good luck!

Pop in more often! We love hearing from our lurking ladies and newbies!
Gwynne, celebrating the newest of our four precious miracles

Hat's off to Vicki for my cute siggy, thank you!
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March 29th, 2010, 10:34 AM
ginnkneephur's Avatar Rainbows and Sunshine
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,179
I'm sorry. I know the situation has to be hard. Let's look at it in this perspective. Had you not found out you were pregnant would you have worked it out with him then? Or would you have moved on? If you were only trying to work it out because you were pregnant with his child I say move on.

Do what is right for you right now. Being with the father of your child isn't necessarily the right thing. I don't think the stress he is putting you through right now is worth it.
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March 29th, 2010, 10:54 AM
Frangipani's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: the lower 48
Posts: 3,246
^I agree with what the other ladies have said. It sounds like he is not sure what he wants, and maybe you aren't either. I like the idea of you having your own place though, far away from all that stress.
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March 29th, 2010, 05:05 PM
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: mass
Posts: 22
thank you all for the help and support.I had my 16 week apt today and my blood pressure was high go figure, then today he had the audacity to ask me if I was ready to come home, as if I did something wrong. I have always thought he was bi-polar but I am not a dr. I told him I want to talk face to face and he said hes not available he will see me later in the week. At that point I said this proves we are not a prioity of yours. So I decided to write him a letter and this time Its time for me to be selfish. I need to end this awful cycle. I just hope its true what they say "god doesn't close doors without a window being open."

I have done the pros and cons...as did he. His councilor asked us to but writing it down on paper made me realize he has big flaws but we together had some pros. I tend to focus on the positive but i am so tired and drained I needed to end it for good...I do truely love him that's the hardest part.
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March 29th, 2010, 05:47 PM
Pupcake74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,580
Good for you for taking the time to think this through. It sounds like you did so in a rational way. I know its hard, but I think you are doing the right thing for now.

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March 29th, 2010, 07:37 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 5,615
I am sorry you are going through this. No matter what decision you make, think of yourself and the baby, the life you want to have for two of you and draw your decisions from it. I hope you figure it out soon. Hugs!!
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March 29th, 2010, 08:40 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
I'm a single mommy to be as well. It's such a hard decision to make. Go with your gut. If your BF can prove to you that he's changed and you still love him, you can always try again in the future, and if not, you can start focusing on your and the baby's life NOW and not stressing about working things out with him and not knowing what he wants from one day to the next.
Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

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