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Need Advice on Paternity Leave

Forum: 2010 Playroom


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July 26th, 2010, 07:43 PM
QuaintandQuirky's Avatar Keri
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 270
Hi Ladies,

My husband is asking me how he should take his vacation/ paternity leave. I've never had a baby, so I don't know how his role in all this would affect things.

Important Information:
  • He has seven weeks of vacation stored up. I don't think he should use all of it though.
  • His job is relatively flexible, so he could take a day or two off a week and use his time like that.
  • He could take several weeks off in a row.
  • He could do some work from home days here and there.
  • I am going to stay home with the baby.
  • We have a crazy golden retriever with lots of energy that is going to be *interesting* with the baby. I KNOW it is going to be difficult to keep the dog from going berserk. We don't have a fenced in yard, so we are basically his entertainment and we have to schedule time to exercise him every day. We have a yard, but it isn't fenced and he's not trustworthy enough to keep off a leash. I can't picture myself being able to keep up with his exercise needs, so it is going to fall on my husband.

For BTDT moms, what do you think might be best?
Would you prefer your SO to just have several weeks of straight time off?
Would you prefer him to take a week or two off and then use his vacation days to make his weeks shorter?

Is it hard for men to go back to work being sleep deprived? What is your experience?

I know it will be different for everyone because of different circumstances, but if you could choose, what option would YOU choose for your SO?
My Blog - Quaint and Quirky

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July 26th, 2010, 07:51 PM
Lauraubie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
Posts: 839
Honestly for me after about a week after coming home from the hospital I wanted my dh to go back to work. I just wanted to get into my routine. I would prefer that he worked less days per week over time than take several weeks in a row off. This time dh will be taking off 2 weeks. A good part of the 1st week I will be in the hospital. By the end of 2 weeks I will be more than ready for him to go back to work.

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July 26th, 2010, 08:39 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 32,940
With our first he was home about 2 weeks, which was a good amount with that kid because of adjusting to the first baby, we had BFing difficulties, consults with the ENT regarding his tongue tie, etc. With our second he only took about a week off, but spent a good portion of that week working on his airplane. I didn't mind-I knew if I needed him he would come home. I wanted to get into a routine.
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July 26th, 2010, 08:45 PM
mrsdaiwa24's Avatar Amy, soon-to-be-mama of 2
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 10,073
We've had two dads at my work (well, one who has and one who is planning to when his baby is born in December) take their full 12 week FMLA paternity leave.

My DH will take a week off when the baby is born. After that, he'll get several days off for Thanksgiving, plus two weeks off for Winter Break. He also gets a week off for Spring Break. I'm fine with that -- like the other ladies, I want to be able to get into my routine as soon as possible.
Thank you JAIDYNSMUM for my adorable new siggy!
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July 26th, 2010, 08:51 PM
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 167
we've been talking about the same thing, we decided he should take only 2 weeks off. Then if I need him to stay longer then he will take more days off. I'm pretty sure that after about 2 weeks, I'll want him going back to work. He also has vacation saved so if I need him to take a couple days a week, he will. Depending on how I feel. I think its better for him to work shorter weeks instead of taking several weeks off straight.

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July 26th, 2010, 10:55 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
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DH took 2 weeks off when Claire was born. Most of the first week I was in the hospital after my c-section, and it was great to have him home for a while after we got home. Like the other ladies have said, though, by the time his 2 weeks was ending, I was ready for him to go back to work (and he was ready to go back!).

Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (5), Abigail (3) and George (3)

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July 27th, 2010, 12:18 AM
amonstersmomma's Avatar Coetta Dawn
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,520
My DH gets 10 days off (that is not deducted from his leave) starting from the day I go into labor and that's all he's going to take. Unless something crazy happens and I need time to recover and his help. But he also gets leave for Thanksgiving and Christmas (also not taken from his saved up leave). I'd personally rather him have the leave saved up for when we did want to use it to get away, not be at home.
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July 27th, 2010, 08:53 AM
MonkeyBugMommy's Avatar Brooke
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 4,428
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Originally Posted by sherlockholmes View Post
My DH gets 10 days off (that is not deducted from his leave) starting from the day I go into labor and that's all he's going to take. Unless something crazy happens and I need time to recover and his help.
Same here! My mom will be here to help out, and she'll probably be a bigger help than DH anyway. Though he was really good with helping with DD when I came home from the hospital with her. Maybe this time he'll serve more as a distraction for our older DD and my mom can help more with the baby.
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July 27th, 2010, 01:57 PM
The Heather's Avatar Jedi Master of Piffleness
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 10,435
With my DD, my DH only took off 5 days, 3 of which I was still in the hospital. This time will most likely be the same. I wish he could take off a little bit more time. However, my mom will be in town for about 10 days, so that will be helpful.

As far as your situation, I would have him take off a week or 2 and then use some of his flexibility of working from home or using a couple of days off here and there. Save the rest of the vacation time for a real trip or something later.
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July 27th, 2010, 02:49 PM
MamaMcGaw3's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: southern Ca
Posts: 380
I would say take 1-2 weeks of at 1st then save it up for random days off....he can go to dr appt with you guys, or just be able to stay home if you have had a hard night.

My DH has FMLA but we he wont get paid and he still gets marked for being gone. SO FMLA doesnt do a **** thing. So he cant off more then 5 days. and still thats puching it.

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July 27th, 2010, 04:20 PM
K_photo_mom's Avatar Krista
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Idaho
Posts: 1,443
My hubby only takes a few days off, but since my mom comes to stay with me for the first week, it was really just like a mini vacation for him. I'd much rather have shorter weeks, or even shorter days than several weeks off in a row.
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July 27th, 2010, 04:25 PM
irish luck's Avatar *Callie*
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 5,843
my husband didn't take anytime off the first week i had my son... the plan was that he would but the first week he was still in the nicu so dad just came from work each day, then the second week he just came home early a few days.... my son slept all day and was up all night but because i couldn't breastfeed and i felt like i was a failure i over compincated by doing everything... so my husband still had good night sleeps

this time my husband works for himself so he can't book time off.... we don't know when to book the time cus we don't know when the baby will come... so i told him to book jobs with an extra day... so he can actually come home around 5:30-6 rather than 7-8 in the evening around my due date.... hope it works out
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